Larry Craig has hired high profile attorney Billy Martin, also famed as defender of canine assassinator Michael Vick. Martin has produced a unique “gay bar” defense for Craig to enable him to reverse his guilty plea for his arrest in a Minneapolis airport self-loather cruising sting. Interviewed by CNN today, Martin explained the logic as follows:
“I think the senator had just gone under a tremendous interview with the Idaho Statesman [newspaper], where he was undergoing an investigation for being gay. They were walking around Washington and other cities with photographs in gay bars. They were embarrassing him. He had just gone to an interview where he had put to sleep… put to rest any argument that he was gay and they were going to publish this article. He stepped in that bathroom shortly after that interview and I know the pressure, the stress, as well as the panic from what this could do, did not have him thinking clearly and he waived his Constitutional rights, and we’re asking that that be reversed.”
So let me get this, uh, straight. According to his attorney:
- Larry Craig has assured a nervous public that he is not gay and “doesn’t do those things”, but
- Larry Craig has been photographed in gay bars in multiple cities, and
- Stressed from the revelation of the photographs, Larry then visited the airport men’s room, and coincidentally was framed by a cop claiming Craig solicited sex from him, and
- Craig, failing to “think clearly” for a two month period afterward, pleaded guilty.
Well, we can all thank god that he’s not gay. Stupid beyond belief, yes. Cowardly, yes. Panicky, yes. But definitely not gay. What a relief to self-respecting gay people everywhere.
12 Comments
September 10, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Whew! I was starting to worry about his credibility.
September 10, 2007 at 5:27 pm
The Twinkie Defense!
If he follows through on this approach, Craig really needs to resign anyway. Why should Idaho be represented by someone who could be so thoroughly screwed up by a newspaper interview?
September 10, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Too bad he said he was guilty. No gayness in the whole thing at all.
September 10, 2007 at 5:44 pm
You know most men, stressed out from the Idaho Statesmen investigation, would probably go buy their wives some jewelry just to keep the domestic front calm. Craig though decided turning into a peeping tom in a public restroom and soliciting the guy to boot would be more calming. To each his own.
September 10, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Did any of you ever see the movie “Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy?”
It was a series of stories that were intertwined together. One of them was about a guy (Dave Thomas) who was clearly gay, everybody around him knew he was gay and yet he still denied it until he took one of the “Brain Candy” pills that made him happy to be himself.
So, he proceeded to burst into song about “I’m gay, I’m gay” Everybody starts pouring into the street to sing with him. The most important part comes about three lines into the song when he yells to his neighbor “I’m gay, I’m gay” to which the neighbor replies “Who cares!”
I think 1) Larry Craig needs some brain candy to help him be happy with himself and 2) nobody cares that he is gay. People care that he keeps denying it and he is clearly gay.
September 10, 2007 at 11:53 pm
I saw that movie, Spudge. (BTW, it was Scott Thompson, an openly gay man, not Dave Thomas, one of the MacKenzie Brothers from “The Great White North” on SCTV, as well as incredible Bob Hope impersonator.)
I’m concerned his lawyer is going to get his cases confused and have Craig plead guilty to a lesser charge than dog-fighting. Notice the slip-ups? “Put to sleep … put it to rest any argument…”
Does he remember what his client was charged with?
September 10, 2007 at 11:55 pm
I love the Kids in the Hall! I don’t think I’ve seen the movie, though.
Wayne, I’ve got this book sitting in my huge stack to read — Buddy Babylon, the Autobiography of Buddy Cole. It’s gonna be amazing! Or fabulous!
September 11, 2007 at 12:04 am
That was a great series, and I hope to some day get the DVDs. They were hilarious. Scott Thompson was one of my favorites because of the diversity of character types he played. Not just funny gay people, but stern, serious business or medical types. Actually, I think he was one of the better actors in the group.
With the possible exception of Dave Foley. He was also great. They were all great drag actors, too. They rarely used any actual females in their sketches.
The movie was good if you’re a fan, but probably confusing to non-fans unfamiliar with what those guys could do. It was like one long, but funny , comedy sketch.
About the scene Spudge was talking about. The mother (played by Kevin MacDonald) comes home and asks the teenage kids (played by teenagers) where their father is, and they calmly answer, “He’s upstairs, masturbating to gay porn.” And the mother’s like, “Again?” And sure enough, he is. Hilarious. Scott is playing the part with the mustache. Later inthe movie, the cops bring him home naked. “Was it necessary to take his clothes off?” “That was his idea, Ma’am.” And Scott gives her a pleading look.
September 11, 2007 at 12:11 am
Now I absolutely must see that movie.
Dave Foley was the prettiest “girl.”
September 11, 2007 at 12:45 am
Well, I won’t comment on who was “prettiest”, but I did enjoy the characters they played. The Two Cathys were good. And when Scott played Bruce’s wife it was usually funny. I remember when they were going on vacation, and she’s standing in front of the stove going, “Everything if off because number one is off, number two is off, number three is off, and number four is off.”
September 11, 2007 at 12:48 am
Heh. That was my ex with the stove thing. Actually it was something related to his stove obsession that made me realize I had to get the hell out of there. Thank you, Kids in the Hall!
September 11, 2007 at 12:52 am
Hey I put up a new gay issue thread. Glad I got it up before 9/11 kicked in. But if it’s up and inappropriate in the morning, you know what to do.