Of Huckabee and the Great Pumpkin

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Mike Huckabee, in his new campaign ad timed for the holiday season, states “what really matters is the celebration of the birth of Christ and being with our family and our friends.

Well, Huck is half right. But which half?

 

Like Bill O’Reilly’s surreal “War on Christmas”, which likes to paint Christians as persecuted victims despite their heavy domination of America, Huck confuses a Christian holiday with a universal truth. We expect that from Bill-O, purveyor of the “Culture Warrior Doormat” for sale on his web site. But, shouldn’t we hope for better from our Presidential candidates? Shouldn’t we demand more from the individual tasked to uphold these words: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech”

The War on Christmas finds fault with merchants who use phrases like “Happy Holidays”, or “Season’s Greetings”, and for failing to pay proper homage to the Christ child, or more accurately, for failing to genuflect to religious control freaks. Merchants, of course, succeed by being inclusive and welcoming everyone. It’s the result of free market capitalism, a notion formerly embraced by Republicans

But the religious police aren’t content merely to attack Wal-Mart. They want to decide what you and I should say and think as well.

As far back as I can remember, and that goes back a few decades, people have greeted each other during the holiday season, interchangeably with “Happy Holidays”, “Season’s Greetings”, and “Merry Christmas”, generically offered, offensive to nobody, and open to interpretations of either a secular or a religious nature depending on preferences of the listener. More recent attention to Chanukah and Kwanzaa also offers the means for people to be nice to each other, without any need for anyone to feel threatened.

For millions of people, December 25^th and vicinity is a holiday to celebrate family and friends and to offer good cheer. It’s a time of great traditions, and is anticipated throughout the year. For millions of people, the holiday season is fully secular and 100% devoid of religious meaning. Let me repeat that again: For millions of people, the holiday season is fully secular and 100% devoid of religious meaning. For many millions of others, the religious aspect of the holidays has some subconscious meaning from their religious upbringing, but is more or less an afterthought. For many millions of others, both aspects are equally important.

There is nothing inherently religious about Kris Kringle, Mrs. Claus, the elves at the North Pole, Rudolph and his magical flying reindeer pals, Frosty the talking snowman, a colorfully decorated tree, a yule log, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, a big fat holiday meal, stockings hung at the chimney, gift-giving, eggnog, some of the very best holiday songs, mistletoe, flashing lights, warm wishes to and from strangers, and two weeks off from school. In short, for many people the most cherished memories associated with Christmas – for many, the only cherished memories – are absolutely non-religious, with no bearing on the Christian faith. Who are Christians to decide those beloved traditions are somehow not valid? Who are they to be the holders of the legitimacy litmus test for the holidays of others?

Many Christians either willingly forget, or else are blissfully unaware, that Jesus was not really born on December 25^th, but rather that date was appropriated by church fiat in the 4^th century. That day was already heavily in use for festivities of a non-Christian nature, including celebrations of the winter solstice, the birthday of Ishtar, Sol Invictus, and Mithras, and the celebration of the feast of Saturnalia, complete with gift giving and naked debauchery (a tradition sadly lost to time!) The Scandinavian celebration of Yule honored Thor, the god of thunder.

What incredible arrogance is required of Christians to assume they understand the one and only acceptable “true meaning” of this holiday period? What makes them think that their “reason for the season” is any more legitimate in a religiously tolerant society than “the festivus for the rest of us”?

Don’t get me wrong: if you choose to hold a birthday celebration during this holiday period, complete with Jesus in a manger and the three wise men, and some very fine religious songs, then all power to you. I’m the first to wish you a Merry Christmas.

But please, Christians, get over the fact that you don’t own the holiday season, regardless of the roots of the common English name attributed to December 25th. It is, in fact, entirely possible for tens of millions of people to have a Happy Holiday without obsessive Christians taking personal offense.

One might think the root of the offense is the use of the word “Christmas” by non-Christians, but this is not really the case. On the contrary, the Christmas Warriors want to insist that everyone should use the word Christmas, because the word “holiday” simply will not do. After all, if Christians don’t like non-believers to use the word Christmas, they can easily enough choose a different word. Following our Hispanic friends, they could choose to call it “The Nativity”, and be assured that no non-Christian would wish anyone a Happy Nativity. They could have the secret clubhouse all to themselves. In blathering about the “War on Christmas”, though, what they really are doing is trying to force everyone else into their clubhouse.

As a kid, one of my very favorite Christmas traditions was the anticipation of the upcoming Christmas TV specials, which included the wonderful and secular Grinch, Frosty, and Rudolph specials. But perhaps my favorite was A Charlie Brown Christmas, whose basic message was about love and caring, and anti-commercialism. Linus is the voice of reason in this episode, and his attitude is summed up in this way: “I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It’s not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.” It’s a universal notion, with either secular or religious meaning.

Near the end of A Charlie Brown Christmas, Linus takes the stage and reminds everyone to not be so hard on Charlie Brown, and to remember the true meaning of Christmas. Linus quotes from the scriptures and gives a stirring little speech: “And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, ‘Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.’ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.’”

As a kid, I recognized the nobility of the final two phrases, but as an adult it’s clear to me that there is no connection between Linus’ scripture quotation (we are being “saved” from Original Sin by the birth and God’s pending torturous self-sacrifice, resurrection, and bodily assumption aloft into the clouds) and the basic humanist message of the rest of the show (we should care more about each other and about other living things than about glitzy commercialism.)

As a kid, I was awed by Linus’ intellectual depth and firsthand knowledge of Biblical content. As an adult, I realize that most Christians either haven’t read the Bible or don’t comprehend the full context of what they have read.

As a kid, I was impressed that Linus believed in Biblical mythology. As an adult, I recognize that he also sits in the most sincere pumpkin patch every single year, hugging his security blanket and waiting for the Great Pumpkin to rise up and bring toys to all the good boys and girls.

Clearly Linus has some credulity issues in common with Mike Huckabee.

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