The Watering Hole: March 17 – St. Pat’s

Aye, it is time to celebrate the opening of the new season! The shamrock is on the land.

My better half is half Irish. Time for a little mirth:

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

The man said, ‘I do, Father..’

The priest said, ‘Then stand over there against the wall.’

Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

‘Certainly, Father,’ the man replied.

‘Then stand over there against the wall,’ said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and asked, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’

O’Toole said, ‘No, I don’t Father.’

The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this.   You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’

O’Toole said, ‘Oh, when I die, yes.   I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.’

For a real groaner, look below the fold:

This is our open thread. Please feel free to offer your own comments on this or any other topic.

David staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.   A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, David sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.   He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood..

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, David woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, ‘You were drunk again last night weren’t you?’

David said, ‘Why you say such a mean thing?’

‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly …… it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

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18 thoughts on “The Watering Hole: March 17 – St. Pat’s

  1. Happy St. Patrick’s day, to all ! Now don’t be drinkin any green swill today!

  2. Happy St. Patrick’s day to everybody. There’s nothing wrong with a good beer with a little green food coloring in it, that’s not to be confused with “green” beer, ie. massed produced domestic beer. That’s what the major brands all taste like to me, like they were underbrewed, or “pulled too green”. :D

  3. No green beer for me, thanks, and no godawful “Guinness” from Labatt’s. Even at it’s best, Guinness has been my least-favorite Irish stout. I’ll be drinking something local and hoppy and food-coloring-free.

  4. Paddy O’Ryan lay on his deathbed listening to Father Finnegan read him his Last Rites.

    “Paddy, do believe in all the saints and the angels in heaven?”

    “Aye, father, that I do.”

    “And do believe in the Blessed Virgin, her son Jesus and God Almighty?”

    “I surely do, father.”

    “And do you renounce Satan and all of his wicked ways?”

    Paddy paused in silence and finally Father Finnegan, repeated his question. Again Paddy paused.

    “Paddy, are you telling me you don’t renounce the Devil?” He asked, aghast.

    Finally Paddy answered…”Well now at this late stage of the game I don’t as how I’m wantin to piss anyone off.”

    Happy St Patty’s Day.

  5. TtT, one of my brothers put a sign on is car: “Remember Rachel Corrie (with the photo of the bulldozer)” and would relay her story when anyone would ask.

  6. About 130 college kids were lined up at 6:00am in front of the pub next to my business waiting for the doors to open at 7:00. One of these kids proceeded to vomit on the sidewalk in front of my business and then others left their trash all over the sidewalks and into the street. All in the name of St Patty. It was a disgusting mess that I had to clean up before I could open my doors for business today.

    On to another topic…
    How does your district benefit from health care reform. Mike Morrill had this to say….

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/3/17/847142/-How-does-the-Healthcare-Bill-Affect-Your-District

    • Excellent link, Cats! I sent the link about my district to my Blue Dog Dem representative. Not that it will help, but I enjoy annoying the ever-loving shit out of the loser.

  7. One must remember that Zionists are trying to perpetuate Rachel Corrie’s death as a hoax.

    Five facts to dispute this:

    She is dead.

    She left between 9 and 10 pints of blood at the scene.

    She was almost sliced in half by an armored bulldozer.

    She did not leap out of a tunnel, there was none.

    The incident happened at a Palestinian home that was being leveled.

  8. Evening anybody!

    I’ve been out all day relocating the remaining assets of Roberts Precision Motorsports to their new home! Only three more days to go!

    Who besides me noticed which comment had the highest vote total on the Bachmann thread at TP this morning? (Hint: It wasn’t me, and you haven’t seen her for a while!)

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