On the Campaign Trail With Invisible Obama

Invisible Obama

Invisible Obama spent Labor Day giving a stump speech at the shuttered labor and delivery unit at the South Fulton Medical Center in East Point, Georgia.

“This facility was closed following the enactment of ObamaCare.” Invisible Obama noted, “and I take full responsiblity for that. It shut its doors and laid off 80 employees because young women in Georgia weren’t getting pregnant in sufficient numbers to make this birthing center financially profitable.”

Invisible Obama chose a birthing center to give his Labor Day speech because “if it weren’t for the Labor each and every one of our Mothers experienced, we would not be here today.”

Invisible Obama acknowledged his opponent, Mitt Romney, would make it more likely birthing centers like this one would stay open. “With the elimination of sex education, birth control and abortions, the Republican Party will ensure that market forces will cause not only this center to re-open, but will result in an explosion of demand for similar centers all across this great country.”

Tweeter

After his stump speech to an empty building, Invisible Obama sat down with Tweeter, The Zoo’s top investigative journalist, for a one-on-one interview. Tweeter took advantage of the opportunity to question Invisible Obama about Dirty Harry’s comments.

Q: Mr. Eastwood talked about 23 million unemployed Americans – and that your, I mean Invisible Obama’s, Administration hasn’t done enough to cure that. What do you have to say about that?

A: I’ve always liked Dirty Harry. And he’s right, you know. I haven’t done enough to cure the unemployment problem in this country. But I have to give credit where credit is due. My administration would not have this abysmal record on unemployment were it not for the bipartisan support of the Republicans in the Senate.

Q: How so?

A: Just look at all the bills they filibustered. I can’t even keep track of them all. But I do know this, if it weren’t for the Republicans in the Senate, we would have had a better Stimulus package, better tax reform that would have encouraged more small businesses, better mortgage finance reform that would have helped millions of Americans get back on their feet, I could go on and on. But yes, in this case, I think full credit for my administration’s record on unemployment should go to the Republicans.

Q: Eastwood said it is time for someone else to come along and solve the problem. Do you agree?

A: That’s why I’m here! I’m a figment of the Republicans’ imagination, so they can run against me and not President Obama. Republicans want someone besides me to come along and solve problems. I have no problem with that.

Q: Clint noted that, quote, people in your own party were very dissappointed when you didn’t close GITMO. I thought why close that, we’ve spent so much money on it. What do you mean “shut up”? end quote.
My question is, why did you tell Clint to “shut up?”

A: Because he didn’t know what he was talking about. I wanted to close GITMO, but again, I have to give credit to the Republicans for keeping it open. They wouldn’t authorize spending one dime to close it. Millions to keep it open, sure, so, once again, keeping GITMO open is just another sign of bipartisanship. See, the parties can work together for the greater good, as long as I do everything the Republicans want me to do.

Q: Now Clint Eastwood said, and I quote:

I know you were against the War in Iraq, and that’s ok, but you thought the war in Afghanistan was ok, you thought that was something worth doing. We didn’t check with the Russians how they did there for the 10 years but it, uh, we did it…

Can you tell me what was going through your mind when he said that about you?

A: Well, first, this is about when I got up and mooned Clint. He didn’t even notice! But I was astounded at his breadth of knowledge about the Afghanistan war. He knew it was me that ordered this country to war, some four years before I was elected as Senator! And, I have to admit, at the time, I didn’t think to check with the Russians. I was totally focused on Community Organizing for the upcoming socialist takeover of the United States.

Q: Eastwood took a dig at your legal background, didn’t he?

A: Clint said he never thought it was a good idea for attorneys to be President anyway. I thought that was a hoot! Mitt got himself a law degree, and even passed the bar. But he never practiced law. I, on the other hand, have been a practicing attorney. So I stand with other Presidents who were lawyers.

#2 — John Adams (Harvard, then apprenticed as a lawyer)
#3 — Thomas Jefferson (College of William & Mary, then apprenticed as a lawyer)
#4 — James Madison (College of New Jersey — now Princeton — then read law)
#6 — John Quincy Adams (Harvard, then apprenticed as a lawyer)
#7 — Andrew Jackson (self-taught lawyer)
#8 — Martin Van Buren (Kinderhook Academy, then apprenticed as a lawyer)
#10 — John Tyler (College of William & Mary, then apprenticed as a lawyer)
#11 — James Polk (University of North Carolina, then apprenticed as a lawyer)
#13 — Millard Fillmore (clerked for and studied under New York Judge Walter Wood)
#14 — Franklin Pierce (Bowdoin College, then studied law)
#15 — James Buchanan (Dickinson College, then studied law)
#16 — Abraham Lincoln (No formal education, a self-taught lawyer)
#19 — Rutherford Hayes (Kenyon College, Harvard law)
#21 — Chester Arthur (Union College, then studied law)
#22 — Grover Cleveland (apprenticed as a lawyer)
#23 — Benjamin Harrison (Miami University in Ohio, then studied law)
#25 — William McKinley (Allegheny College, Albany law)
#27 — William Howard Taft (Yale, Cincinnati law)
#28 — Woodrow Wilson (College of New Jersey — now Princeton — then UVA law)
#30 — Calvin Coolidge (Amherst, then apprenticed as a lawyer)
#32 — Franklin Roosevelt (Harvard, Columbia law)
#37 — Richard Nixon (Whittier College, Duke law)
#38 — Gerald Ford (University of Michigan, Yale law)
#42 — Bill Clinton (Georgetown University, Yale law)
#44 — Barack Obama (Columbia, Harvard law)

Q: That’s quite a list. I see some of the Founding Fathers were lawyers.

A: Quite true. Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence and Madison wrote the Constitution.

Q: What about Eastwoods comment, and again I quote, “I think it’s time for maybe a business man, what do you think about that? A stellar business man.”

A: Sure. Why not? Say, how’d it go with Herbert Hoover? He was a business man. Or George Bush? Remember him? Republicans don’t. But he was a business man. Now Mitt Romney’s a business man, and he’d make a fine president, judging by his business record. I mean, the guy was absent his last two years on the job, and then resigned retroactively. I can’t think of anything Romney could do to help this country more than to be absent for a couple of years. And let us not forget how he single handedly saved the 2002 Winter Olympics by bringing in about $1.4 billion in taxpayer money.

You see, successful business men know how to run things at a profit. They shut down divisions and lay off people to beef up the bottom line. Now take America, a businessman would immediately see that several states are getting more in federal funds than they pay in taxes. That would have to stop immediately. And, if you really want to boost the bottem line, change the age for Social Security to like about 90 years old. You immediately get 25 more years of work out of folks before they start collecting their retirement. And those that do live long enough to collect Social Security won’t be collecting all that long.

Invisible Obama said he plans on meeting with President Obama at the Convention and talk over campaign strategies. “I’m thinking of starting my own Super PAC. The way the Republicans are promoting my campaign, it’s the least I can do.”

About these ads

9 thoughts on “On the Campaign Trail With Invisible Obama

  1. Tweeter, you’ve outdone yourself – getting that exclusive!
    Clever, informative and entertaining…keep up the fantastic work. And thank you!

    Invisible Obama chose a birthing center to give his Labor Day speech because “if it weren’t for the Labor each and every one of our Mothers experienced, we would not be here today.

    Excellent point – it certainly makes better sense than what Eric Cantor was attempting to spew.

  2. Tweeter is so insightful. He even seems to ask better questions than most of the regular media.

Comments are closed.