The Watering Hole: Wednesday, 12/12/12: The Christmas Story, as told by a 3 year-old.

Santa CamelChristmas is when Santa Claus went down the chimbley and landed on the Baby Jesus. But he didn’t hurt the Baby Jesus because Mary and Joseph already had to put him down because he got the Mange.

But three days later the Baby Jesus woke up and hid all the Easter Eggs. And so the wise guys, they showed up to give the Baby Jesus some presents, but they didn’t have a lot of money. And so this one wise guy, named Frank, he gave the Baby Jesus some in cents. Because that’s all he had and he was sad about that so the wise guys, they all told the shepherds to go out and watch their flocks of reindeer.

And so they were watching their reindeer play games when this angel, this angel came down from heaven and sat on a Christmas Tree. And that had to hurt. So that’s why we a Angels on top of our Christmas Tree to remind the Angels not to sit on the Christmas tree.

And so the Angel taught the shepherds to sing Christmas songs because shepherds, shepherds you know, they are all real good singers because if you can’t sing you won’t get to be a shepherd. You have to be a wise guy or maybe an Angel and have to sit on a Christmas Tree.

So the shepherds all sang Happy Birthday to the Baby Jesus. But then they saw Santa there at the bottom of the chimbley and they got mad because they saw that Santa had put out the fire in the fireplace and they didn’t want the Baby Jesus to get a cold. So the shepherds they made Santa give all of his toys to the Baby Jesus and then give all of his toys to all the other children in the whole world because Santa had lots and lots of toys because Santa, all year Santa made toys in his workshop at the North Pole. But now he makes them in China because the North Pole melteded.

THIS BE THE OPEN THREAD O’TH’DAY. SHARE YOUR OWN CHRISTMAS STORIES, OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT COMES TO MIND.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY,

Spirit Kat

Spirit Kat

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95 thoughts on “The Watering Hole: Wednesday, 12/12/12: The Christmas Story, as told by a 3 year-old.

  1. O/T I need some help getting hits on my new webpage for my new business. After selling my business in August, I’ve been loafing around and I am bored to death. That means I have to get back to work so to make a long story short, I am re-starting a part time business and need some hits on my website so that it moves up closer to the top of the search engines.

    Please visit my website: http://kikenellellc.massagetherapy.com/

    Thank you.

    Now back to Christmas Story.

    • Yes, someone could put up a petition on the Whitehouse website to have Texas expelled.

    • “Forget the Alamo!” – I expect the first slogan Doonesbury tried was rejected by the newspapers.

  2. Ted Nugent and the other crazy cowards at the NRA should be happy this morning…

    one of their brethren shot up a Portland mall with an AR-15…..but darn the luck, he only killed two this time.

    • If only all those Christmas shoppers and mall employees had been packing …. then the death toll could have been much more ‘respectable’ instead of only two /fox news f**kwit off

      • I already had that argument this morning with a co-worker. He says his wife is now ready for a carry permit so she’ll feel safer. Actually, it wasn’t really an argument because I couldn’t be bothered to point out the fallacies. But they have twin three-year-olds and I wonder if Erin would be comfortable blasting away at some lunatic with a rifle while pushing their stroller around the mall.

        Even the gun nuts seem to have picked up on the fact that the shooter fired off something like 60 rounds in a crowded mall and hit only three people. The solution seems to be that everyone should be armed, but also trained in urban warfare. These people are eager to turn the US into Yemen.

  3. BnF, that is a more cogent story than the Xianista version. I’m pretty sure one of the wise guys was going to give lil’ Jesus some myrhh, but his mom said no, cause baby Jesus might start huffing on it…

      • It’s my belief that cops aren’t properly trained to deal with crowds or belligerent people, so they don’t even think to try using words or influence — they go straight for the pepper spray or taser, which IMHO is an egregious abuse of power.

        My youngest sister is in law enforcement, and since I don’t mind saying the above, she doesn’t talk to me much. Oh well…

  4. From TP:

    GRAHAM: Can — can I suggest this? Slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. Go watch “Lincoln,” a great movie. The people decided. The question for us is who should decide these things? Should it be a handful of judges or should it be the people themselves? And I come out on the side of the people themselves. Different people will look at it differently. But slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. If you want to propose a Constitutional amendment legalizing same-sex marriage and it passes, that’s the law of the land.

    From the Constitution (14th Amendment):

    All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

    Note to Senatory Graham:

    The people already passed a Constitutional Amendment legalizing same-sex marriage.

  5. An interesting polling pattern today from Bloomberg

    Direction of Country
    Right Direction 38, Wrong Track 55 = Wrong Track +17

    President Obama Job Approval
    Approve 53, Disapprove 44 = Approve +9

    So if the President’s approval rate is positive, and the country’s direction is wrong to the tune of 17% differential, who/what is the problem?
    Answer…Republican House of Representatives, Citizens United, etc…

  6. Fundies say the darndest things:

    Some say that Earth was once Pangea and that now the continents are apart after a very long time. Well, this assessment is dishonest because last time I checked there was dirt under the water so the continents are still united and there is only a water level difference. The old Earth is debunked.

      • But they can’t SEE the ocean floor spreading, so it might not be happening. Unlike God, who is seen at every Starbucks, so they have faith.

        Oh wait…

        • O’Reilly: I’ll tell you why [religion's] not a scam. In my opinion, all right? Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can explain why the tide goes in…
          Silverman: Tide goes in, tide goes out…?
          O’Reilly: Yeah, see, the water — the tide comes in and it goes out, Mr. Silverman. It always goes in…

          Silverman: Maybe it’s Thor up on Mount Olympus who’s making the tides go in and out…
          O’Reilly: No no, but you can’t explain that… you can’t explain it…

          • i have to confess…..Jesus showed up in my toilet bowl once when i was a kid, my mother would let me take the picture though.

          • I seriously doubt that Jesus had red hair and green eyes. He hasn’t any touch of Nazarean about him!

            • Well 1,000s of kids writing letters to Santa proved that Santa exists, so why can’t 3,000 drunk British darts fans pull off a similar stunt?

    • Well they haven’t reached ‘plate tectonics’ yet in heir home school that’s all – must have got stuck calculating how big the Ark must have been to carry all those dinosaurs….

      ..hey here’s the things about the Great Flood – how come only the land-based animals had to take it in the shorts for their sins? You telling me that the penguins are completely free of sin? Even the homosexual penguins? And what about the sharks, dude?

  7. “With liberty and justice for … some”

    My bid for the biggest of the week – downplayed by the media.

    John Taliban Walker – 20 years
    Jose Padilla – 3 years of torture and then 10 years (?)
    Bradley Manning – 1 year of solidarity and torture

    HSBC – laundering drug and terrorist money for years? “Clawed back executive bonuses” and “4 weeks of profit fined”

  8. The people have spoken. From Bloomberg:

    “Sixty-five percent of Americans say the Nov. 6 results gave Obama a “mandate” on his proposal to raise tax rates on income over $250,000 and “to get it done.” Forty-five percent of Republicans agree.”

    • Boehner’s dilemma:
      65% of Americans want the 1% tax rate to go up a measly 3%.
      Charles and David don’t.
      So it isn’t if Boehner has anything to say about it.

      • Charles and David got collective bargaining killed in Michigan, it’s now a right-to-work state, and Michiganders can join the likes of the poor and underpaid workers in New Mexico and the other sunbelt welfare states

  9. WaPo’s “Quote of the Day”, or, Joe Lieberman admits he’s older than dirt:

    QUOTE OF THE DAY
    Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (I-Conn.) in a farewell speech on the Senate floor:
    “When I started in the Senate, the blackberry was a fruit, and tweeting was something only birds did.

    Don’t let the door hit you in the ass, etc.

    Good widdance to bad wubbish!

    • One of my favorite military toys is the Abrams. It can’t be quickly deployed because of its size and weight and can only operate on surfaces that will support it. Like well made roadways and very hard packed sand or earth.

      • Great for running up and down freeways during, say, an invasion, or maybe a civil war. Right? Protecting all of us decent folks in the process, no doubt.

        I use the words “no doubt” (and too, maybe the words “decent folks” … hmm) with SEVERE reservation, btw.

  10. Happy Holidays From Clackamas: When Can We Talk About Gun Proliferation?

    Yeah, I know, I’m a Marxist-fascist-communist-Lenninist-Stalinist anti-conservative and anti-GOP Amurkan, but hey, GUNS ARE STUPID! And the vast majority of gun OWNERS are even stupider. “Gun proliferation” is not the problem: GUNS are the fucking problem. They are NOT NECESSARY to any ‘civilization’ that deems itself to be cogent, to be civilized. Not any more, no longer.

    Get rid of the damn things, once and for all and forever. I’m more than willing to take my chances in a society where nutcases are unarmed.

    • In PA yesterday a Dad accidentaly killed his 7 year old son when a gun he was putting in a car safe discharged the round he forgot was in the chamber. Of course the safety was off. As sorry as I feel for the family, it’s just another example of why guns and people don’t mix.

    • I have tried to argue that people don’t really need guns, but I invariably end up against the “we need to protect ourselves from a tyrannical government” argument. They start claiming the Nazis seized everybody’s guns when Hitler took over (forgetting that he was democratically elected and asked the legislature for the power to rule by decree and they gave it to him.) Somehow this is supposed to relate to our own country. These people make me sick.

  11. Mark Hertsgaard previews the endangered food list of the future:

    “Three grains—wheat, corn, and rice—account for most of the food humans consume. All three are already suffering from climate change, but wheat stands to fare the worst in the years ahead, for it is the grain most vulnerable to high temperatures. That spells trouble not only for pasta but also for bread, the most basic food of all.”

    Since wheat is a cool-season crop, the data doesn’t look good:

    “By 2050, scientists project, the world’s leading wheat belts—the U.S. and Canadian Midwest, northern China, India, Russia, and Australia—on average will experience, every other year, a hotter summer than the hottest summer now on record. Wheat production in that period could decline between 23 and 27 percent, reports the International Food Policy Research Institute (IFPRI), unless swift action is taken to limit temperature rise and develop crop varieties that can tolerate a hotter world.”

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2012/12/09/bakken-oil-boom-and-climate-change-threaten-the-future-of-pasta.html

  12. The 12.12.12. concert for Sandy Hurricane victums was wonderful, but no mention about climate change, the elephant in the room. I understand they didn’t want to politicize their efforts to help those in immediate need, but fuck, when are we going to address the obviousness. Anyway I enjoyed the music, even though Roger Daltrey stripping was a little disconcerting. God (Clapton) played his heart out, and the Stones…well they are still the Stones. Catch it if you want. It’s worth the effort.

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