A prime example of how our Government is looking out for our best interests
When Dodger stadium was first built the Government would not give final approval because there were no water fountains. Obviously the Management wanted to sell more beer. I suppose since the new stadium in Carson City is at a high school they can’t sell beer.
One dollar a bottle for water is grand theft. The concessionaire should be locked up!
What side of the fence do you come down on?
Parkinson’s Law states that in any Bureaucracy “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.” I would go one step further and postulate that work in today’s Bureaucratic world expands to create useless jobs for all the parasites that have no useful work to do. It is all due to that four letter word that everyone is in love with, including the fictional Master Twist: MORE! Yes “MORE” is a four letter word, and a damned expensive one at that. Aside from our own personal endeavor for MORE, for which we are willing to pay, there is the ubiquitous MORE required by our Government and our “MY MORE” society. I will cite an example, give a few of the useless MORES involved and let your imagination, and your wallet, fill in the blanks. Continue reading
Who’s your friend?
“I can’t help but want to support my own gender, and she’s as experienced as any of the others–except maybe Joe Biden. I would love to see a woman president, I just didn’t think it would be her.”
Jennifer Flowers telling a reported she may support Hillary.
Do you suppose anyone really gives a good rat’s ass?
How old are you?
The Seven Ages of Man
Not old enough to know.
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To: All Staff
Date: December 1
Subject: New “Twelve Days of Christmas” Policy
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining is due to the North Pole’s loss of dominance in the season’s gift distribution business. Home shopping TV channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa’s market share. He and the Board could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO’s annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in the reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press (gas and solid waste).
This is not original but my supplier was not specific on the source. Typical of the times.
How can you not love her?
I apologize for not being able to get the video here. You will have to use the link and suffer all the commercials. Besides, if I told you it was an interview with our next President you wouldn’t watch it.
Big truck or little Granny?
I found Granny out by our Grandson’s new truck. Her explanation: “Well it is going to rain so I was looking for a place where I wouldn’t get wet and the rearview mirror was just the right height for the three drops we usually get.”
My question: Why do kids buy a new truck for $35,000 and then spend $10,000 to tear it up?
Got equity?
This article illustrates quite nicely the point of my essay a few days ago about the National Debt and our Citizens Equity. Not only has the bushco squandered our National Resources, including the lives of our proud service Men and Women, they are now after our individual Equity. The Bush Bail-Out (prepared by the Mortgage Industry) of the sub-prime mess is another fine mess you’ve got us into DUHbya! I suspect that the only loans to be extended are those that are not subject to foreclosure anyway.
What’s Trump? What’s a kerfuffle?
The Big D has had it again. Another Republican fixed election with hanging chad (I’ll leave that one alone, Thank You) has been uncovered. The Miss California Pageant, a Donald Trump endeavor, crowned a “political correct” winner instead of the true winner. I apologize for using Faux News but what better service to report a screw-up.
How’d she do that?
Fort Mojave, AZ—Acting on an anonymous tip the Mohave County Sheriff’s SWAT team raided a residence in this small community expecting to find a meth lab. What they discovered was an ELF lab. It seems the residence housed a clandestine toy factory operated under contract for Santa.
With nothing noteworthy in the news I thought I would brag on Granny a bit. I did the page for you Zoo Critters but Granny liked it and wanted it on her part of my site. I had to change the name from Elf Lab and add the last line, which you may ignore.
Who saw a Puddy Tat?
Just as we thought Italy was emerging from the midst of the Third World Countries their Courts bust our bubble by emulating our Congress. The Italian Courts will get as much response from Tweety Bird and Mickey Mouse as Senator Leahy will get from KKKarl and JJJosh.
Who spilled the red ink?
The National Debt: Fact or Fiction
The accepted accounting system used throughout the United States and, probably, the entire business world is called the Double Entry System. I prefer the double entendre myself but than is another story (Okay Zooey, you can groan now!). The three major elements of the system are Assets, Liabilities, and Net Worth. You electrical engineers out there who remember fondly Ohm’s law of Voltage (E) equals the Current (I) times the Resistance (R), or E=IR, will readily understand the relationships between Assets, Liabilities, and Net Worth. In the accounting system our Net Worth (W) is equal to our Assets (A) less our Liabilities (L), W=A-L. You men that have suffered a divorce as did I will immediately recognize the relationship. We split everything right down the middle; she took the assets and I got the liabilities.
I did this piece from scratch yesterday in response to the post by NWMuse that mentioned the National Debt. I did a similar paper for the California League of Cities some thirty-five years ago without some of the humor. Obviously it didn’t have much impact. If any of you have seen a treatment of the subject using the same approach I would appreciate hearing about it.
Where’s the fire?
Rodney King is doing his thing. Again. Is this the new Southern California Clean-up Program announced by Governor Arnie: Just burn it down and start over every 15 years?
Who stole the TP?
The other TP has beaten my TP (the men’s room kind) and Senator La(La)rry Craig into the ground.
When’s the recount?
BnF beat me to Chavez and the despondent DUHbya.
How hot is Hell?
To determine the hotness of Hell we must establish whether Hell is exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. To do so we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
Second, we need to know how many souls are entering Hell. To determine that let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Granny a few years ago that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before you quit snoring and I can sleep with you again” and take into account the fact that we slept together last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct leaving only Heaven. Thereby proving the existence of a Divine Being which explains why last night Granny kept shouting “Oh my God.”
The above was reported to be the answer to an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam (edited to protect the guilty). The answer was considered so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. It is claimed the student received the only “A.”
The Second Declaration of Independence
To be enacted the 1st Day of December 2007
The Unanimous Declaration of the Fifty United States of America
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for true Americans to again dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with a political party not sharing the American Principles, and to assume among the powers of the Constitution of the United States, the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of the American public requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
I did this about a year ago and just looked at it again yesterday. It is on my URL page but didn’t get as much attention as I had hoped. In transporting it here I lost the bold print that I had used to set off my changes. The original is still available on the site. I was amazed at the parallels of the charges between the two Kings George. I would suspect it was by design but there is no one in the bushco that knows what the first Declaration is, much less having read it. I am open to suggestions, especially about getting greater circulation. Continue reading
This being a slow “news” day I will resort to joviality.
What’s a burqa?
I have been working on this little bevy of Bush-bashing beauties for some time. I had most of it on TP last year but it is still worth a chuckle.
Why the pig?
This collection of little known irrelevant facts and irreverent comments is a bit risque for Granny’s dolls but they can’t read and Granny doesn’t know about it yet. Besides, when you are there you can to the dolls but if you are there the dolls can’t get to you. (The list is in text and will open in your default word processor (Word Pad for me). I think!)
Questions for the day.
Where’s the beef?
China has refused to recall the 70 million Turkey Terrorists they sent to the US to poison us. President Bush has ordered an attack on Ankara as retaliation.
Who’s got the gold?
As I postulated a few days ago, scientists at Duke University have been messing with our genes. They have discovered a “pot” of genes filled with real gold or fool’s gold. We all know which pot DUHbya has been dipped into.
Where’s the fire?
This little video gives quite a picture of the evolution of the last fifty years. It is a must see but may be new stuff for some of you young’uns.
The Questions for the Day.
Who’s calling?
An enterprising gentleman called his jailer from the jail and asked to be released. His request was granted but now the Government claims he cheated and they want him back.
Who won?
A lucky gentleman cashed in a lottery ticket for $1,000,000. The Government claims he cheated and wants it back.
Personal Freedom at work!
Shayne has suggested that I put up a shortcut to the material that I referenced in an earlier post. On Monday the US Supreme Court declined to hear a case from San Diego County that illustrates the point of my earlier (and longer) post below. Here are two links to the subject:
http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/metro/20071126-1752-bn26welfare.html
A retrospective view of “personal freedom” and the “quality of life.”
(Keep in mind this is a dissertation to evoke a discussion at The Zoo, not a lecture for a college Biology or Philosophy class. I have taken considerable poetic license on my descriptions for the sake of brevity and entertainment).
In the beginning… Who cares? I don’t. But to avoid the eternal debate of the placement of the chicken and the egg on the timeline of the Earth I will start someplace after the hen appeared and before Adam and Eve had their first date. At the selected point in time all species of animal life (and plant life to a degree), including man, had two things in common. They all had the drives of Procreation and Preservation.
These two drives were assured by a system that separated the species and assured the preservation of the unique species through the reproduction process of that species. The system maintained a record of the characteristics of the species and the means of recall for the passing of those characteristics from generation to generation. That recording and recall was, and still is, controlled by what we call the Genes. The Genes are divided into two types: intraspecific and interspecific. The intraspecific Genes deal with the process of procreation. They specify the dogness of a Dog and the catness of a Cat. The interspecific Genes deal with the process of preservation. They help solve the problems presented by the environment such as food sources, shelter selection, and the question of fight or flight, among others. They specify the dog vs. dog, cat vs. cat, dog vs. cat, and cat vs. dog actions and reactions. Together these Genes form a social system that allows cats and dogs to be cats and dogs and yet live happily ever after or at least reasonably so. Continue reading
