Senator John McCain (R-AZ) and Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) will shortly announce their decision to join forces on a “National Unity Ticket”. According to an unnamed source at the Clinton campaign, Hillary Clinton said to her staff last night:
“This has gone on too long. The divisive campaigning of my opponent is threatening the unity not only of the Democratic Party but of the country as a whole. His continued refusal to acknowledge that times of trouble need the leadership of experienced and vetted politicians, has raised false hopes of change. We can’t have that!”
A passage of the joint statement planned by John McCain and Hillary Clinton leaked to FalseNews.pol reads:
Senator Clinton and Senator McCain, deeply concerned for the welfare and the unity of our great country, have in a number of meetings, come to the conclusion, that the divisiveness of the Democratic campaign has already done damage to the fabric of our society. Huge numbers of voters turn their backs to the political process that both Senators so intimately know and jump to the conclusion that change can be brought to Washington. This is, of course, not possible and the bitterness stemming from the realization that this particular American Dream can’t be realized, would disenfrachise many of those voters with dire consequences for the political system that the Senators Clinton and McCain represent.
Senator Clinton and Senator McCain have both extensive experience within the Washington beltway and can assure Americans, that change will not happen on their watch. Our citizens can rely on the Senators to continue the politics that have made our Nation the Greatest on Earth. Their joint endeavour will ensure, that the influence of the business elites, for the better of our economy and our country, will continue and our citizens will remain resilient, optimistic and rolling up their sleeves for a better future!
A junior staffer from the McCain campaign said, on the condition of anonymity and under the influence of six stiff Margaritas (bought and paid by FalseNews at Hooters, Chicago) that Senator McCain was impressed by the massive backing his campaign has received by Senator Clinton during the last weeks:
“Frankly, we had expected attacks from her, for his stance on Iraq, for his flip-flopping about torture. You know, when it comes to the economy, he absolutely draws a blank there. We didn’t have the foggiest of who was supposed to be his VP. Well, in came Hillary. The perfect candidate. She stands by her man, even if mortally offended and, honestly, she did a heckuva job campaigning for us lately. And she brings in Bill, which should help us keep expectations in check.”
When pressed on the subject of Condoleeza Rice, who was mentioned as a prospective VP many times, he choked on his drink, but refused or was unable to say more than:
“We have our man for the State Department and our VP, she can go lecturing at Harvard or sumpn.. Lieberm…. but shhshsh, not supposed…still negoshiashn…zzzz”
The Obama campaign could not be reached for comment yet.
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