Poll: Obama Faring Poorly Among Racists

The Borowitz Report

Bigots Oppose Barack by 1000-1 Margin

In a potentially ominous sign for the presumptive Democratic nominee, a new poll shows Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) trailing far behind G.O.P. standard bearer Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz) among voters who identify themselves as racists.

Pundits and pollsters alike have wondered about the role racists might play in the 2008 presidential contest, but the new survey released today was the first concrete attempt to take the pulse of this key voting bloc.

The poll, conducted by Duh Magazine, suggests that Mr. Obama faces an uphill battle in his effort to win the votes of dyed-in-the-wool bigots.

“We wanted to know, why isn’t Barack Obama closing the deal among racists?” said Charles Plugh, editor-in-chief of Duh.  “The answer seems to be, because he’s black.”

In a head-to-head match-up, likely bigots chose Sen. McCain over Sen. Obama by a margin of one thousand to one, with a majority of racists saying they “strongly disagree” with Sen. Obama’s decision not to be white.

Asked under what conditions they would conceivably vote for a black presidential candidate, 95% of racists responded, “Only if he was running against someone from a group I hated even more, such as Arabs.”

Duh editor Plugh says the poll indicates that Sen. Obama “has his work cut out for him” if he is going to make up lost ground among racists.

“Sen. Obama made a choice at the beginning of this campaign to run as a black man,” Mr. Plugh said.  “He could change his position on that, but racists might see that as too little, too late.”

(SATIRE)

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10 thoughts on “Poll: Obama Faring Poorly Among Racists

  1. That is hilarious!

    Someone should do a poll to find out how many people truly feel that way. If they were honest, we might be surprised at their numbers…

  2. Good morning, I hope everyone had a good weekend 🙂

    Good post nwmuse, I love satire.

    I agree Zooey, I think it would be interesting to see the actual numbers. There are far too many people who judge others by “skin color”…

  3. Hot, hot, hot weekend, Freb.

    BTW, that story about your son enjoying the waves of the Outer Banks was just wonderful. No wonder you feel so close to the place. 🙂

  4. It was perfect weather here. Which was great because I had work to do outside.

    Thanks Zooey. My best friend was with us for that trip last year. It brought her to tears, she has known my son since he was 7 or 8. I have to admit that made the Outer Banks even more appealing.

  5. We were in the triple digits all weekend, but thankfully we don’t have the humidity you have back East, because I don’t have AC.

    I always wanted to take my son to swim with the dolphins in Florida, but that never happened. He has an affinity with animals.

    He turned 26 on Friday!

  6. How is he doing Zooey? Nicholas, my son, not much into traditional birthday cakes. I had to convert to ice cream cakes. That was a hit.

    It is so hard to overcome certain unrealistic fears. For Nicholas it had alot to do with the noise factor of the ocean also. It hurt him physically because he has such sensitive hearing. Even ambulances for years would cause him pain, like a knife being stabbed at his eardrum.

    That is very hot Zooey, we haven’t seen that all summer here. 90’s was the worst we have had so far. That lasted a little over a week.

  7. freedomrebel, my son’s name is Nicholas too! Too funny. His birthday is today.
    Thanks for the compliment yesterday. I read it when I glanced through yesterday’s comments while catching up this morning.

  8. Great minds muse….

    I’m truly amazed that you raised 4 children, I had my hands full with two. I commend you on your stamina.

  9. We’re very lucky, Freb. My son is doing quite well. He’s living on his own in Portland, and working as a security guard for an auto manufacturer.

    Truthfully, there was a time when I thought he would have to live at home forever.

    A few years ago, he decided to leave here and stay with his father while he looked for a job and an apartment. Within the year (after many bumps in the road) he had both.

    It was a VERY difficult transition for him, but he’s about as stubborn as I am, so he just wouldn’t give up. I’m really proud of him.

    He really loves ice cream cake, too. 🙂

  10. That is wonderful news Zooey. Transitions are always tough no matter how much you prepare them. The fact that he made it over all those hurdles is a true testiment on what a great mom you are, getting him ready for the real world.

    That is no easy task.

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