Saturday night cesspool party!

The guard dogs are guarding......what?

The guard dogs are guarding......what?

Hey Critters, visitors, fans, lurkers, friends, foes, whoever you are, I give you the Saturday night cesspool party.

The game of the evening is “Marry, Fuck or Kill,” but if you have other ideas throw ’em out there.Β  We’re flexible around here — but not easy, those rumors are not true!

The chimps have finally come down from their “we attended the Inauguration and you didn’t” high, and will take your drink order, but you are responsible for making sure they actually bring it to you.


214 thoughts on “Saturday night cesspool party!

  1. Marry, Fuck or Kill? These are the options? What if one is ethically and morally opposed to all three? Can I just watch and chuckle?

    • It’s just a game, Med. Promise!

      I’ll give you three names of people we would recognize, and you have to choose which one to marry, fuck or kill. Putting down your reasoning behind your choices is always fun.

  2. I’d have to say Rush should marry Bea Arthur, Madeline Albright should wish she could be fucked by anyone and Totie Fields just slays me with her humor.

  3. Zooey, I can’t pick any of the choices because I can’t pick any of the choices. Doesn’t matter who they are. None of them are in my lexicon.

  4. I am seriously opposed to things like fucking and killing, even when it is in jest. Marriage is only slightly behind. I won’t separate goofing around about it with the reality.

  5. Zooey, I am a serious pacificist. I love to play and have fun but I have lived with a temper all my life and hated it. Judging, even in fun, is difficult.

  6. Conscientious objectors over a party game!
    Here y’go Zooey!

    M. Oprah Winfrey
    F. Michelle Malkin
    K. Ann Coulter
    Oprah’s the only one I could stand for more than one night, and Coulter deserves to die more than Malkin.

    M. Barbie Benton
    F. Kiera Knightly
    K. Tyra Banks
    I can’t stand Tyra, couldn’t keep up with Kiera, and I always liked Barbi anyway.

    I see 5th beat me in here. I was in the shower.

  7. “Freeze Dried for Prosperity”

    That was Zooey’s first trio.
    Madeline Albright, Totie Fields, Bea Arthur

    I can’t rank these.

  8. Tyra Banks = K

    It seems there’s no problem a person might have that isn’t more interesting when she has the same problem.

    There’s no problem or experience a person has had that she actually hasn’t , but she’ll feel it more deeply than they do.

    After spending her life earning millions prancing around in underwear in public, she criticizes strippers.

    She says “fierce” as though it matters.

  9. Zooey, Tyra is bodacious, but consider this:

    Tyra’s birthday present to Miley Cyrus? A framed picture of Tyra! It was the best present ever!

  10. I’m going to start with:

    Harvey Korman
    Gene Wilder
    Mel Brooks

    Bonus for the rest of the gang.
    What movie am I watching?

  11. M. Teri Garr
    F. Madeline Kahn
    K. Cloris Leachman

    Teri Garr and Madeline Kahn is almost a tie. Cloris Leachman was always so mean to Mary Tyler Moore!

  12. 5thstate
    February 28, 2009 at 6:07 pm Β· Edit

    β€œDon’t you realize that man is a NI ?!!


    Which led to my truly tasteless joke…

    “What’d he say?”
    “He said the president is near.”

    (It’s a thinking one. Sort of. πŸ™‚ )

  13. Oh zooey, and ex girlfriend of mine is a writer, lives in Hollywood and wrote on Gene Wilder’s short-lived sitcom “Something Wiilder”.
    She was shocked to discover that he wasn’t inherently funny—at all!
    So you chose wisely.

    • Marry Rod Stewart because who hasn’t?; fuck Bono to see what’s under those glasses; and kill Phil Collins because he broke up with his wife via fax. Cowardly wanker.

    • Marry James Doohan because of the no sex after marriage thing; fuck Shatner because I couldn’t fuck Koenig; and kill Koenig because he was always such a weenie on Star Trek.

  14. M. Naomi Wolf
    F. Michelle Obama
    K. Rachel Ray

    Killing Naomi Wolf is out of the question, also Michelle, but I could use a good cook over here!

  15. Fuck Valerie – duh
    Kill Albright, 500,000 starved Iraqi children would say it was ‘worth it’
    Marry Helen – Sunday brunch with the papers would take on a whole new dimension.

  16. Ah now I have a better understanding of Naomi Wolf, my final answer is…

    Marry Rachel Ray because she probably keep the perkiness in the kitchen)
    Make Whoopee with Michelle Obama (because I might be able to compete, for one night with Mr. O but otherwise, forget it!)
    Naomi Wolf meets her maker because she’s got issues.

  17. Poor old Bill,…

    F Christina,
    K Britney, her time is up and over it
    M Miley Cyrus, daddy needs a teenybopper to bring his slippers.

  18. Gon g back to the Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter.choices

    Marry Oprah (she has a nice sofa)
    Fuck Michelle Malkin (noisily, and post it on YouTube)
    Kill Ann Coulter ( because then she;d be dead outside as well as dead inside).

  19. M. Cristina Aguilera
    F. Miley Cyrus (after she’s 18)
    K. Britney Spears

    Britney has wasted more life than a lot of folks get!

  20. So here’s a question, is Miley Cyrus ineligible for F since she’s not 18, or does Zooey putting her up for it give us a mulligan?

  21. M Britney
    because her family and the press fucked her and she didn;t know any better but she’s learned something now and I think she’d be okay

    F Miley, because someone has to do it (if they haven’t already, which I doubt—not that I’m judging)

    K Christina

    • Marry Isaac Newton because I really like smart guys; fuck Julius Caesar because I’ve always wondered how many layers are in a tunic; and kill Joe Stalin because karma is a bitch.

  22. I have to llok these up…

    Couldn’t you have gone with the Lady Galadriel, Arwen Evenstar and Xena, Warrior Princess?

    You know, REAL historical figures?

  23. Zooey..

    The good girl in question was in a hurry too—which was lucky for me because, things being what the are in such situations, although I didn’t expect it ‘I’ was in a hurry too.
    And then she dumped me.
    That was three minutes (including my fumbling) I’ll never get back!

  24. Good evening Jane… things may have degenerated a bit from M-F-K, or maybe elevated—it;s all rather murky in this cesspool at the moment πŸ˜€

    • Marry Bill Murray because he’s a laugh and a half; fuck Chevy Chase because he has such a cool name; kill Rodney Dangerfield because even though I have very few standards left, the eyes have to look in the same direction.

  25. Who’s to say she’d ever do that again? I’m sure she was pretty badly mistreated.
    Going out for vittles, back in a bit.

  26. ROFLAO….What game are you on.? I forgot…Just doing a fly over….I had better sit this one out, not quick enough any more and no need to add my 67 year’s of TMI to the pool….Gotta say you all are way to funny though…Night and lot’s of Blessings

  27. Hi, Everybody! (Hi, Dr. Nick!)

    I’ll just have my own fun, and copy a Joke of the Day that I got from Comedy Central.

    A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my name Petal?”
    The mother replied, “Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head.”

    The next baby walked up and asked, “Mummy why is my name Rose?” she replied,

    “Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head.”

    The last baby walked up to her and said, “BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.”

    The mother replied, “Please be quiet, Refrigerator.”

  28. Chevy Chase – cool name? It’s a bog in Northumberland.

    Same as calling someone Perth Amboy. But still…. it’s your shag….

  29. Witch, its Fuck-Marry-Kill, supply three names (for you its girls) and we’ll make our choices. You get to pick the fellas when we send you our list.

  30. Athol, Idaho.? Yep! turn right at the signal and go straight to Farroget(sp)park then left to the gorgious little town of Bayview…Got that one Lady Z…One of my great memorie’s..Oh sorry were not on town’s…Excuse me…Later..LOL..Blessings

    • Speaking of wonky eyes, here’s a story:

      One of my youngest’s teachers in high school had eyes that looked in two different directions. Nice man, GREAT teacher. I made the mistake of mentioning to my son that I didn’t know which eye to look at. Unbeknown to me, he told the teacher what I’d said! At the next parent-teacher conference, he looked at me, smiled, and pointed at one of his eyes, saying “this one.”

      I thought I was going to die! That little shit! Luckily, the teacher thought it was funny.

      • I luvs me some Doctor Who….

        Marry David Tennant because he’s just so energetic; fuck Eccleston because he looks really strong and tall; kill Tom Baker because his hair is so stupid.

        Sorry Tom!!! I’m shallow, I can’t help it. And you were the only one left. 😦

  31. M Catherine – luvs me a funny redhead, make it last
    F Billie – big old lips….
    K Freema – sorry Martha, you just didn’t get the best scripts, not your fault, love

  32. A few storie’s, try a bushell basket full…Can’t remember what I had for lunch yesterday but sure remember all the good stuff…If you get my drift…Realy must hit the quilt’s now….Blessings

  33. ROFL very clever, Zooey!

    Marry Catherine
    Fuck Freema
    Billie unfortunately … no wait!

    Marry Freema
    Fuck Billie….

    No ! Um….shoot…dang!

    I have it!
    Marry Billie
    Fuck Freema
    Cryogenically preserve Catherine Tate for future resuscitation.

      • Well guys, it’s been fun. Zoo Jr is clamoring to get on the computer, and I have a Psych exam on Monday. I better do something about studying.

        I’ll leave you with this trio:

        Mrs Lott, Mrs DeLay, Mrs Santorum


  34. Zooey…that’s okay, because Tennant is Eccleston is Tom, and vice-versa!!!

    Are you sure you’re a fan because you don’t know much about Time Lords, obv. πŸ˜€

  35. In Brewster Heights, where Jane and I both lived, there was a Good Humor Ice Cream man, named jack, who had eyes going in two different directions. He loved to look at two of us and say, “What’ll you have?” Neither of us would know which one he was talking to, so we end up both talking at once. Ah, chilling childhood memories. πŸ™‚

  36. A native American boy asked his father how Indians got their names.

    The father said, “When your brother was born, I stepped out of the teepee, and the first thing I saw was a soaring eagle, so I named him Soaring Eagle.”

    “When your sister was born, I stepped out of the teepee and the first thing I saw was a running deer, so I named her Running Deer.”

    “Why do you ask, Buffalo Chip?”

  37. M. Mrs Santorum
    F. Mrs Lott
    K. Mrs DeLay

    Ricky’s wife’s not that bad.
    Mrs. Lott hasn’t had any in a long time.
    This poor woman deserves to be put out of her misery!

  38. I was trying to write an eye themed story and make it sound genuine when it fact it was just some joke, but then I realized I was missing a crucial element….. I simply cannot properly remember a joke that tells a story!
    My mission has failed! And it’s such a good one too!

  39. Two explorers were captured in the jungle and brought tied up to the chief. All the tribe gathered around chanting and waving weapons.

    And the chief said: “For trespassing on our lands, you must suffer the punishment. We give you the choice: death or Bungawa!”

    Thinking that death sounded a bit final, the first one said: “I choose Bungawa” and the cry went up around the village: “Bungawa, bungawa!”

    So they stripped down his jodpurs and each and every man in the village buttslammed the explorer in his turn.

    And the chief then turned to the second one and said: “For trespassing on our lands, you must suffer the punishment. We give you the choice: Death or Bungawa!”

    The second explorer, deciding that what he had just witnessed was too terrible to contemplate and concluding that he couldn’t face mass buggery said: ” I am not afraid of death, kill me then!”

    And the chief turned to the village and said, “The white man has made his choice, DEATH by BUNGAWA!!”

  40. Hi 5th!

    Been a long week for me, and I’m winding down with a 5th!

    I don’t care much for MFK, myself.

    What about MLD?


  41. A Chimpanzee, an Alligator and a Giraffe walk into a bar and order a round of shots.
    Once served they down the shots immediately and order another round.
    This goes on for some time, and then the Alligator decides if they drink anymore they’ll never get home, so he pays the bill and they all begin to leave.
    But while the Alligator and the Chimpanzee make it across the barroom, the Giraffe collapses in a drunken stupor on the floor. .
    The alligator and chimpanzee look around, shrug, and proceed uncaring to the door, whereupon the barman says:
    “Oi! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”
    And the Chimpanzee turns and says: “That’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe!”

  42. The trouble with the format is the third ‘choice’ absolute and by default once the other two choices are made—the fun is in the M or F. part.

  43. it’s almost midnight for me, I’m going to bail out.

    Goodnight Briseadh and goodnight house

    see you tomorrow afternoon/evening perhaps.

  44. My thoughts precisely, 5th, there’s no cutting edge on the game, but I was at:

    K – John Wayne, because I’ve always admired Bruce Dern and his daughter Laura is hot
    M – John Stewart because….
    John-Boy is about the only one of the three I might F

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