Kilts ‘n stuff — open thread

The Lost Bagpiper

As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director
to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family
or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote
countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I
became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. I
finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew who
were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side
of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in

I assured the workers I would not hold them up for
long but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered
around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and

As I played the workers began to weep. I played and I
played like I’d never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is
My Shepherd, to Flowers of the Forest . I closed the lengthy
session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the
workers saying to another, “Sweet Jeezuz, Mary ‘n Joseph, I have
never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic
tanks for twenty years.”

Our Jane sent me this, thinking this would be a great post — I agree!  With Wayne’s help, I was able to get it up.  (Yes, I know…it’s an open thread)

I think Briseadh na Faire will appreciate the thought.  😉 

I know Jane and I appreciate the kilts…

88 thoughts on “Kilts ‘n stuff — open thread

  1. That is too funny. Of course Jane and Zooey are going to be drooling all over this thread but that’s not a bad thing is it? It’s not like troll poop.

  2. Kd,
    I put a comment up with a link to the Highland Store, but I got relegated to the spam-bin, I guess. The key to picking out a kilt is knowing which tartan or tartans that match your clan.

  3. Last weekend at the Energy Fair I saw a guy wearing what my daughter told me was a utilikilt. Basically a kilt with delusions of being combat fatigues. Looked odd by functional.

    There used to be a shop in Annapolis, MD called Scottish Irish Imports that would order hand made kilts from Scotland. Don’t know if they are still around but that was where I got mine.

  4. I rescued your comment house but I don’t know what would have sent that to the spam bin. I was working outside sorry about that. I have laryngitis but not of the keyboard.

    I’m hoping I’m getting actually sick and it’s not allergies. That would suck.

  5. Sorry to hear you’re feeling poorly, Shayne. The summer cold season seems to be in full swing.

    Blackberry brandy makes good cough syrup.

  6. Thanks Shayne,
    Yes, I hope you are not developing allergies. My wife started while we lived in Marietta. We just came outside one spring day and the green 914 was bright yellow. She has been allergic ever since.

    Those big kilts are heavy, I tried one on at the Scottish fair here a few years ago, at my wife’s request. I’d hate to be out in the rain in one. My wife wants one for her Campbell clan. I’m a member of the Robertson clan within Clan Donnachaid.

  7. Aye, there are kilts fer th’ lassies as well. They’re a wee bit lighter, th’ pleats not bein’ as deep.

    As fer “what’s th’ point?” well, if ya ha’e to ask….it means ya ne’er wore one authentic wi’ a scotsman likewise attired!

    “The ladies here want their kilts to come with a man in them. ”

    That would be pretty much guaranteed!


  8. I wish I could work outside. It’s 98 with 102 heat index. I’m planning on an early start tomorrow as the temp is only to be 89 with a northerly wind. That means lower humidity too.
    BnF, you’re too funny! 🙂

  9. That’s just about how it was here the last 6 days but with humidity around 100%. Today it was very windy and down to 80. Of course the wind wasn’t too good for my husband who wanted to go fishing on Lake Michigan but that’s the way it goes.

  10. HoR, you don’t have to buy the full 8 yard formal kilt. Most reputable kilt businesses offer a nice informal, or casual 5 yard kilt, which is very comfortable in most situations. Check online for places such as Scotweb for a very wide variety of clan tartans. Even if your so unfortunate as to not be of Scots ancestory, there are other assigned tartans, such as military plaids, all Scotland or all Ireland plaids, etc. All in all, if you want a kilt, there are kilts for you. Many non-celtic men are going to the solid color Utilikilt. They look just fine and are comfortable, to boot.

  11. Of course, if you do decide to wear a kilt, you must learn a variety of answers for the inevitable question, ” What do you wear under that?”

    1. Fresh air.
    2. Shoes and socks, of course.
    3. Lipstick, on a good day.
    4. The line that I came up with– All God’s Glory, and It’s a Wonder to Behold!

  12. MikeRush,
    I was referring to the 8 yard kilt in my comment, of course. I knew there was the lighter version, as well. I’m a t-shirt and blue jeans kind of guy, anything heavier is too much clothes for me.

  13. Mike,

    Musical response:

    The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind.

    Pragmatic response:

    Nothin’s worn beneath th’ kilt: everythin’s in perfect workin’ condition.

    My grandfather’s response:

    There’s th’ story of th’ young lassie wha’ asked th’ Scotsman wha’ he had ‘neath his kilt.

    Th’ Scotsman replied, “Lassie, I’m a man o’ few words… Lend me yer hand.”

    My response:

    It’s a National Secret. Kin ye keep a secret?

    So kin I.

  14. Somthing I’ve been meaning to do for the last couple of years…well since you started. I’ve been coming here since you began, just not posting…work schedule is rather bizzare.

    I have felt connected to “y’all” since I began reading you on TP. I realize that Trolls pop up and try and enter here, so any questions are more than readily answered.

    But I do have a question for Wayne S. I left it for you on a nearly dead thread at TP, but when/where were you stationed? Just curious if our paths crossed. Also, being a Cubs fan, and the 69 Mets…..Well I think I like you anyway

  15. Thanks Briseadh na Faire. Glad to be here. I’m just curious, how does one go about submitting an “editorial”? I tend to be somewhat verbose, and and a few ideas for articles but don’t want to intrude univited.

    BTW, love you contributions to here and TP.

  16. Hi, Stormy. Welcome to TheZoo. Sorry I missed your question on TP.

    Let’s see. I went into the AF in 83 Jan, did tech training at Keesler until about 83 Jul, when I was stationed at Andrews AFB, doing presidential communications support missions out of Brandywine. Then I went on a remote to Shemya, AK for a year until 86 Apr, when I went to Ramstein AB in West Germany. Then I got out in 88 Mar (rollback of forces; I had to get out early or re-enlist immediately. With Jane waiting for me at home, the decision was easy. Home.) I was a Satcom Ranger.

  17. Wayne

    So I guess we never crossed paths, ironically though, I was scheduled to go to Shemya and decided….two kids in High School, 6 years in Vegas…Well Shemya sounded so appetizing that well, retirement sounded better.

    Anyway, sorry we didn’t cross paths, but now is better than never

    All in peace

  18. And as for the Cubs, Stormy, I was only nine years old when the black cat ran out in front of the Cubs dugout, stared at them, then ran back under the stands. I was not responsible for what happened the rest of the month, but I am glad it happened. 😉

    And I like you, too. 🙂

  19. Wayne,

    Thanks for the conversation..brief though it was. Being a Cubs fan disappointment is par for the course. Thanks to you and All for the warm welcome.

    I promise to send you a couple of articles in the next few days for use, or for being discarded. Again thanks to all for making me feel welcome here.

  20. OMG! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! He is STILL dead? Haven’t they found a cure for that yet?

    Zooey, you just expressed my exact sentiment ever since that freak died. Yes, he was born with a creative gift, but fell short as a human being, in my opinion.
    I’ve been shouting at the TV all weekend: “This is NOT NEWS! He’s still dead!”

    I know, I know. I sound just as crazy!

    • I heard some dimwit on the radio say that Michael Jackson made it possible for Barack Obama to be president.

      Who knew Obama owed his political career to an elderly white woman (formerly known as Michael Jackson).

  21. CNN just had an hour long special on Michael Jackson so Larry King could come on after it, and do an hour long special on Michael Jackson.

    • I had just checked CNN when I got home, House. I guess there’s nothing going on in the rest of the world.

      Is it possible that the death of Michael Jackson killed the Iranian revolution stone dead? I’m sure Gov Sanford is relieved…

  22. HI:

    I apologize to Walt for my long posts last night and promise to never ever do it again. Desperate times call for desperate measures

    Countdown is usually up on MSNBC around 10pm EDT and Rachael’s show is usually there by the time I finish watching Keith.
    What is great is that there is only a 15 second commercial between segments.

  23. Now for the Daily Show and Colbert Report, you have to wait until the next day which is fine because it is usually bedtime by the time I finish watching Maddow.

  24. reggie, you can also catch them on TV about four or five times after TDS and TCR first air. I believe they are on again at 1 or 2 am ET, then again around 10 AM ET, then again around 2 PM ET. That’s probably why they are not available online for a full day, so that people would have to watch their advertising-sponsored TV versions to see them again. 😉

  25. Lot’s of humor, but you do know that the first sign of the apocolpsy (-5 SP) is the death of MJ…I guess Rapture Ready is ready.

    Sorry couldn’t resist being sarcastic. Just very PO’d that with all that’s going on the world, this has dominated the news for how many days now?

    • Fucking hilarious! Gov Sanford compares himself to King David.

      Note to Gov Sparky: When in a whole mess o’ trouble over fucking a woman other than your wife, leave the religious talk out of it.

  26. Should be minus 10 for spelling, that wasn’t even close. Sorry. Transforming into GOP mode….It’s the Glen Livet, not me. 😉

  27. Wayne:
    My DVR is down and I am too impatient to sit through 10 minutes of commercials during a 30 minute commercial. Even before the advent of digital recording I used to bypass commercials thouh the use of 2 VCR’s.

    • House, if you’re still around, I have a car question.

      My car is dead. It was dead this morning when was leaving Portland, but I wiggled the cables on the battery and it started up. I made only two stops on the way home, having a problem only once, which was cured by wiggling the cables again. When I got home and turned off the ignition, it was stone dead. Not even the buttons on the key thing would work. I haven’t tried wiggling the cables again.

      Could this just be a battery or cable problem? I’m hoping it won’t be more expensive than that. 😐

  28. Zooey,

    Unless he wants to announce that he’s a Pagan. But I think the Bible Belt “Values Voters” would hear that as “Satan” and run him out of town.

    Wait, that gives me an idea. Who knows how to plant a rumor that government insiders would spread amongst themselves until one “leaks” it to the press? Mark Sanford is a secret Pagan…

    And, yes, Zooey, I did know that one could watch Keith’s episodes online after they air. But I used to come out and post at TP right after Keith and/or Rachel (or had the TV in here tuned to them). Of course, I have more time to go elsewhere now… 🙂

  29. Sanford still hasn’t explained why he bought the airline tickets 7 days before the trip and then claimed the trip was a last minute change in plans, instead of hiking the Appalachian Trail.

    btw: this room has eyes

  30. Hi, stormy, welcome (a bit belated!)

    Being a tad older than Wayne (a ‘tad’ being 4 1/2 years), I do remember the ’69 season and the black cat incident a bit better than he does. 😉

    Elias did a special segment in their ’89 edition, where they combined a timeline of historical/cultural events in 1969 with a timeline of the baseball season. Really fascinating, and brought back a lot of memories.

    Oooh, you brought Glenlivet? Yum!

  31. Zooey: It could be either a loose connection or a short at the point where the cable attaches to the terminal connector.
    Either problem is easily fixed and the worse case scenario it will cost a couple bucks to fix.

  32. Well remembering it is well……maybe another shot of Glen will soothe the pain. And I’d love to share it with you and Wayne, perhaps some Nutterbutter Cabernet. Well Ok, my oldest daughter lives in the Bay area and it’s something she and my son-in-law made. But it is good.

  33. Zooey,
    I’d go with new cables, if the battery was a problem, you would have needed at least to be jump-started. If one of the cables becomes disconnected while the engine is running you can damage the alternator, so get this checked asap.

  34. stormy852
    “Thanks for the conversation..brief though it was. Being a Cubs fan disappointment is par for the course.”

    Stormy I was a huge Cub fan until 1984. They’ll only break your heart so it’s better to have casual flings with them.

  35. C’mon, stormy, Wayne and I are Mets and Jets fans – we feel your pain! Speaking of pain, the Mets are behind the Yanks 3-2 right now, just ending the 6th. Stormy, your Cubs got rained out?

    Zooey, I feel for you with the car problems, mine’s been in and out of the shop ’cause my ‘check engine’ light kept coming on. Fixed it 3 times, and each time the damned light would be back on within 24 hours. Good for you, I wouldn’t even have attempted jiggling any cables.

  36. I wouldn’t bother changing the cables, you can just buy replacement connectors that clamp over the ends and require no special tools or skill.
    Are you capable of loosening the connectors, cleaning them and then tightening them back up? If so, it could save you both time and money.

  37. Couldn’t agree more Shayne. Now I concentrate on the 51s (a AAA Dodger team here in Vegas) but even though they too break my heart, I will never abandon “Da Bears”

    Who do you pull for now?

    • Shayne, I need at least a 19 inch screen to watch the teevee. Anything less, and I can’t tell who’s who. 😆

      I’m off to read for a while. Thanks, all!

  38. Zooey,
    You might get it looked at for free at an Advance or Auto Zone, or whatever chain store you have up there. They will do a battery and charging system check for customers, hoping to sell them the parts. They will replace a battery for free, so they might tighten the cables if that’s all it is. Then they can verify that the charging system is still OK. If they take care of it for you, buy a pair of wiper blades or something as appreciation. If you really don’t need blades, get a tire gage if you don’t have one.

    Jane, how long are you leaving the car with them, and is it a dealer or independent shop?

    • Ohhh, I hadn’t thought of that, House. I’ve got one of those places just down the road (they put my wiper blades on for me). I’ll go there first! Thanks!

  39. Independent shop that we’ve been going to for about 20 years. We often leave the car with them overnight or even for a coupla days. We trust them.

    After the first repair, which we paid for, two of the subsequent repairs were n/c. When they finally found the second problem, we did pay for that.

  40. Jane S.

    Ok, you do understand the pain. Mets and Jets. I feel for you.

    Tell you what, I’m going to pick a team with no conflict with my Cubbies and root for them. Good, bad or indifferent. I know….The Diamond Backs…no wait McCain territory…Red Sox….Ted K. country. Ok, decision made. 🙂

  41. Thank you folks again for the warm welcome. 2:00am PDT comes way too darned early so I have to leave.

    A pleasant, peaceful, together evening to you all.

    FSM blessings to all.


  42. Jane,
    A lot of times the problem is a sensor that only fails intermittently, and it takes a day or so for it to fail again. The diagnostics in the newer cars’ computers get initialized, to reset the engine check light, and they actually “re-learn” your driving style after you get it back from the shop.

    I hope the right hander gets this next guy. I am watching your Mets.

  43. House, I HATE seeing all those Yankee fans at Shitty Field. Especially in field-level seats!

    But I’ve been to several M/Y games over the years, and they’re usually exciting, the crowd is insane.

    Okay, leadoff walk to Wright. I think I’ll go watch the game on the bigger TV machine.

    Goodnight all, it was a fun weekend here! 😀

  44. stormy852, I’m still a Cub fan but I don’t let them hurt me any more. Plus my husband and daughter are White Sox fans and I like them too. And they’re both big Bears fans and we love the Bulls. Too bad it’s so expensive to go to games. We went to a Sox game this year so the Cubs are next.

  45. Many nights my husband drives customer cars home to get them to misbehave for him with a tester on it. Good luck Jane.

  46. Zoooey,
    If wiggling the cables fixes the problem, you have two likely problems – bad cable or bad connection. You should go after the latter first. Remove the ground cable from the battery. Remove the positive terminal from the battery. Using a battery terminal cleaning wire brush (You can get one at KMart or evil Walmart.) clean off both the cable connector and the battery terminal. Replace the positive terminal. Replace the ground terminal. If this fails, replace the battery cables. Remove the ground cable first and then the positive one and replace them in reverse order. If this fails, your problem is either the battery or the alternator/generator(Really old car.) Next choice, see a mechanic or buy me round trip airfare to Moskow, ID (May cost less than a mechanic.).

  47. House, I ended up turning the game off after K-Rod WALKED THE FREAKIN’ PITCHER AND FORCED AN INSURANCE RUN IN–AARRGGHHH!

    Jesus wept!

    And my car’s back in the shop today, the ‘check engine’ light went on AGAIN.

  48. I had a Mazda B2200 pickup once – the check engine light would come on every 60k miles problem or not..seems they just wanted to sell you some maintenance when you took it to dealer. Bastidz!

    Anyway, first thing to check when the light comes on is making sure the gas cap is on tight. Otherwise AutoZone and some others will read the codes for free.

  49. Yanno, why cant they put a little led screen in the dash that would read out the code/problem instead of a dummy light that doesnt tell you anything?

  50. I have a little thingee that lets me read the codes on my computer. It plugs into the diagnostic port on the car. When I want to dump the codes, I simply move the thing from my car to a USB-2 port on the computer. It’s made by Davis Instruments and can be moved from car to car. I have even used it to diagnose problems for friends right down to what cylinder was misfiring.

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