Sarah Palin speaks in Hong Kong – Here’s the transcript, wink, wink..

This is far too precious to hide away in a comment on an open thread.

In her first trip to the region, the former Alaska governor, Sarah Palin addressed an annual conference of investors in Hong Kong in what was billed as a wide-ranging talk about governance, economics and U.S. and Asian affairs.

The Zoo’s regular contributor and guest-blogger 5thstate has issued a transcript of the speech as it could have been. As no journalists were allowed in at that event, we will have to take 5thstate at his word, you betcha!

Hi-ya (wink).

It’s really great to be here in this great nation of Hong Kong with all you patriotic Kongans to tell ya about governance, economics and U.S. and the Asian affairs also.
Ya kno Todd is part Eskimo so he’s just like ya, except he’s a much better driver.

I’m going to call it like I see it and I will share with you candidly a view right from Main Street, Main Street U.S.A., from where you can see those pesky Russians from and how perhaps my view of Main Street , how that affects you and your business, because as Governor of Alaska government interference got us into this mess in the first place in the respect that proud Alaskans like me aren’t interested in government fixes, we’re interested in freedom and the Reaganomics also and those things that Margaret Thatcher did in the Kingdom of Britain as well so now 10 months later, though, a lot of Americans are asking: more government? Is that the change we want?

Because that fella said some nebulous utopian sounding things with his health care reforms and death panels that infringe on private enterprise that real Americans aren’t comfortable with and it’s also like the Uighurs and the Han goin’ at-it but ya know ya just don’t seem to have any mechanisms to deal with regional ethnic issues and maybe you should get some of those ethnic mechanics also, too, don’tcha think? So that’s a business opportunity that can affect you in this great state of Asia without government interference interfering with your governance and freedom like I’ve been fighting for in the great state of Alaska also in that respect because it is in the interest of our safety for China to work out its contradictions and ya know we hope for china to rise responsibly because that fella in the White House over there is cutting the defense budget whilst I’ve seen Russia beef up when I go jogging and I bet you’ve seen China doing the same thing because its got to be about jobs also and if it weren’t for America’s commitment to security in this region your economic prosperity wouldn’t be on account of those missiles pointed at Taiwan and we don’t want a one-nation Asia do we?

But I’m glad the press isn’t here makin’ things-up, like I’m trying to burnish my foreign policy credentials, because I’m just here to benefit my knowledge base and defray some legal bills, you betcha.

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10 thoughts on “Sarah Palin speaks in Hong Kong – Here’s the transcript, wink, wink..

  1. i suppose mrs. moose needs a fresh audience. US citizens already know she’s a complete moron with no hope of recovery.

    maybe she’ll master ambidextrous winking…..a huge goal, but one she might reach with a lot of hard work and coaching.

  2. I said this over at TP days ago, but I’ll repeat it here:
    Palinspeak translates into moron in any language, even Chinese.

    Fatherbob, from all indications, it didn’t take them nearly as long to figure it out, as it did almost half the American electorate.

    Nice job 5th!

  3. houseof roberts: “it didn’t take them nearly as long to figure it out, as it did almost half the American electorate

    A terrifyingly correct observation, hor.

    I’ve actually been able to find , oooh, I guess about 15 minutes-worth of Palin’s actual speech transcribed and it’s as mind-bending as anything she’s ever said before, but international!

    So I’m working on the follow up with this new material, and even more hilarity should ensue ( though this time it will be a critique rather than a parody).

  4. A follow-up sounds good, based on the real thing. Christine Alexander at KPOJ did a real good parody speech on the radio, and I wonder if there’s a transcript of it somewhere.

  5. seen on a sticker in a vending machine at Del Taco:

    Life is like a box of Morons

    You never know what you’re going to get.

  6. Posted at TP when the announcement of Palin’s upcoming speech first broke:

    Former Gov. Sarah Palin will deliver a keynote address today at the CLSA Investors’ Forum, where she will touch on “US foreign policy” and “discuss her views on governance, healthcare, and of course, China.”

    Touching on US Foreign Policy:

    Ya know, I ate some Chinese Food last night and it was pretty darn delicious. But a half-hour later, I was hungry again. So now I know why my mom, shout out to all moms out there, told me to clean my plate, and think about all those starving kids in China. But, ya know, kids in China have it pretty good. They can go out and get a real job makin’ toys for kids here in the United States. I mean, back home in the United States. And that’s what good foreign relations is all about. Kids makin’ toys fer other kids to play with.

    Views on Governance:

    Ya know, governance, that, too, also, is a good thing. Without governance people would just run around doin’ whatever comes into their heads to do. It would be like a couple of teenagers, ya know, doin’ the nasty, which they know they shouldn’t be doin; but they do it anyway, and then of course a new life is brought into the world, and you have to take care of it and feed it and burp it and change its diapers, and so governance, which is a lot like that, should practice abstinance only. An’ that’s why I resigned as Governor of Alaska, so I could lead that great country into the future with abstinance only governance. And so, yeah, well, that too. Also, and I…um, next…

    Healthcare:

    Healthcare is very important to me. And we should all have our choice of doctors. That’s why, when my water broke in Texas, shout out to all Texicans out there, when my water broke, I stayed there and gave my speech, because it’s important to follow through with a commitment, and after I finished my speech, I did not go to some local hospital where my baby would get God knows what kind of healthcare. No, I boarded a plane, flew back to Alaska and drove to my own little home-town clinic in Wasilla, because there I could have my own doctor in my own facility and I knew they would take care of my little Down-Syndrome baby. And you here in China know a lot about taking care of babies, especially with all those Mongoloid babies born in Mongolia. So you know what it’s like to have some government beaurocrat dictate to you your choice of doctors and your death panels and so, um, that’s why healthcare…sticking with our great medical system in the good ol’ U S of A is so great for the economy.

    On China,

    I have a set of fine China back home in Wasilla. And we eat off of it every day, even though it came from England. And that brings us back to foreign relations (wink). Our foreign relations with China is very important, because without our foreign relations, we wouldn’t be able to eat off of Chinese plates, we couldn’t eat Chinese food, and the Wasilla WalMart, shout out, wouldn’t have anything to sell. And so we must encourage foreign affairs and for foreigners to have relations with us because that way we can all get along together and have great foreign relations.

    Oh, and one more thing,

    Why are we all supposed to add, “in bed” to those little messages in fortune cookies?

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