Breaking News: BP Purchases Gulf of Mexico

Roiters International: Florida

Invoking the widely used rule of Commerce “You broke it, you bought it” British Petroleum announced earlier today it has purchased the Gulf of Mexico. Although the rule is most frequently enforced in fine china and crystal shops, lawyers for BP said it does have application elsewhere and could find nothing to prohibit its application here.

The deal for an undisclosed amount was closed with one Felipe Aguadel DeLeon, the last known surviving heir of the renowned explorer Ponce DeLeon who dedicated his life searching for a Fountain of Youth reported to be somewhere in Florida.

According to centuries old documents, DeLeon was convinced that the Fountain’s waters flowed into the Gulf. While land grants from the Spanish Crown were common at that time, DeLeon asked for, and received, a grant for the entire Gulf of Mexico. Later, when Spain ceded Florida to the United States, nothing in the transaction included the Gulf, which remained in the sole possession of the DeLeon estate.

Constitutional Law professor Joe Furley explained, “This is totally out of the realm of anything the Constitution was designed to deal with. It was always presumed that the waters of the sea, beyond the range of a fortress’ guns, belonged to no one. ”  The Grant appears to be authentic, he added, which means the transaction will stand up in U.S. Courts.

UPDATE: A convoy of trucks loaded with No Trespassing, No Fishing, No Swimming signs has been spotted heading towards the Gulf Coast.

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5 thoughts on “Breaking News: BP Purchases Gulf of Mexico

  1. Briseadh na Faire,

    Brilliant! And unfortunately not too far from the truth – what with the nearly ‘news black out’ and corporations now being considered ‘citizens’…

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