Wholesalers across the nation are reporting shortages in Stupid. With the demand for Stupid running at an all-time high, retailers can’t keep enough Stupid on hand.
“It’s flying off the shelves” said a spokesperson for retailing giant WalMart. “Especially in rural areas. People just can’t seem to get enough Stupid.”
Rumor has it that media mogul Rupert Murdoch invested heavily in Stupid through the entire Bush Administration, severely draining the nation’s stockpiles. Then, just as supplies of Stupid were nearing historic lows McCain nominated Sarah Palin.
“That nearly did us in.” commented the spokesperson. “Our suppliers couldn’t keep up with demand. We were shipping in Stupid from Alaska faster than it could be produced.”
Fortunately, Arizona has come to the plate and increased its manufacuring of Stupid. But the price of Stupid remains high.
“So high” said the WalMart press contact, “that we’re seeing an increasing demand for Ignorance. It used to be Ignorance was priced out of the market for most families on a budget, but with the price of Stupid going through the roof, stocking up on Ignorance is a no-brainer.”
Market analysts are pinning the cause on Fox News, which goes through an incredible amount of Stupid each 24-hour news cycle. But other mainstream media outlets are reportedly using more than their share of Stupid as well.
With the Gulf Oil Crisis beginning its third month, retailers in the deep south are reporting they have totally run out of Stupid.
“We’re down to just plain Dumb, now.” said one unnamed merchant who’s store overlooks a tar-stained beach on the Gulf Coast.
What about Texas?
Texas has always had an abundant natural supply.
Unless Rick Perry is hoarding it in an attempt to corner the market.
Good post, BnF.
There is the “T” in Pennsylvania which is known as “Pennsyltucky” or “Stupidistan”. I’m sure we can find stupid there.
As for Fox Opinion Network, they just claimed that being a reporter for Fox is just like being the President.
Worse than that, Cats. It was Gretchen Carlson on Fox & Foolish Friends who said that their jobs (hers, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade) are “just like the president’s.” Ironically, she was talking about the job of anchorman from when we were all kids. But neither they (nor the anchorman of the ’70s) decides what the on-air talent (that’s Gretchen) is going to do next. That’s up to the producers and directors of the show.
So she even got THAT wrong, on account of she bought up tons of stupid when Murdoch was buying it cheap.
Great post, BnF. Funny.
Heh. Nice one, my friend. 😀