In lieu of a drinking game during tonight’s GOP “debate,” which would be highly dangerous and irresponsible, TheZoo is hosting our version of a pub quiz. The following items are weighing heavily on our minds and this “debate” comes at the perfect time to help us get the answers we need. Also, feel free to live-blog the “debate” as long as you can stand it.
Who will be the first to…
- Spit foam from their mouth?
- Turn their head a full 360°?
- Speak in tongues?
- Condemn the other candidates to Hell?
- Speak the name Sarah Palin? Anyone…?
- Use President Obama’s middle name?
- To say Osama instead of Obama?
- Call Obama a terrorist?
- Use the word “Obamacare?”
- Lie about jobs figures/failed stimulus?
- Call the President the worst president in history?
- Claim tax cuts create jobs/increase revenue?
- Say “Reagan cut taxes?”
- Claim “We don’t have a revenue problem, we have a spending problem?”
- Make a crack about birth certificates?
- Make a Weiner joke?
- Make a Trump joke?
- Claim that ours is a “Christian nation?”
- Lie about the intent of the Founding Fathers?
- Invoke God?
- Blame Obama for the Bush recession?
- Blame progressives/liberals for all problems in America?
- Use the word “crazy” in reference to one of the other candidates?
- Say “Actually, I am a Qook from the planet Zog, and I have taken human form – here’s my birth certificate!
Questions we’d like answered…
- Would you knowingly hire any gay people to work for you? Muslims?
- Does this look infected?
- Do you support Man-Dog marriage?
- Could you open this jar for me?
- Do atheists have rights under the Constitution?
- Will you choose an imaginary friend as your running mate?
- Will you admit, on this stage tonight, that the movie Atlas Shrugged, Part 1 sucked out loud?
- Hey sailor, new in town?
- Bonus points for beginning a response with “The American people want/don’t want…”
- First round of pearl-clutching – Shelley or Newt?
- Who won the bigotry competition?
- Who is the most likely to cut taxes?
- Who could flip-flop better than a flounder?
- Best at stroking pearls?
- Biggest/gaudiest flag pin?
- Biggest/gaudiest cross?
- Carrying Bible? Packing heat?
Final round…for the Grand Prize! Which candidate was…