The Watering Hole: Wednesday, 2-22-12: A Limerick for Your Thoughts?

The candidate Richard Santorum,
Touts the ’vangelical forum;
He’d ban birth control,
With great vitriol,
To women who like sex, he’d whore’m.

Mitt Romney is just such a blast,
Once you get over his past,
He’s on every side,
Like the ever-changing tide,
Schizophrenic’s the role he’s been cast.

Now Newt Gingrich, what can I say?
Shut the government down in his day.
It’s not his fault,
He rubs wounds with salt,
And derides all who stand in his way.

Libertarians stand by Ron Paul,
And surely he gave them his all,
Legalize pot,
Smoke all you got,
But his poll numbers still fall.

The drop-outs are there by the score,
Cain, Palin, and Bachmann and more,
Perry said “Oops”
While Palin did loops,
And Cain’s 9-9-9 hit the floor.

Dear Friends, here’s the GOP pool,
Each one sounds a 1 percent tool,
But lest you should dread,
Tis our Open Thread,
Where Comments are really quite cool.

195 thoughts on “The Watering Hole: Wednesday, 2-22-12: A Limerick for Your Thoughts?

  1. Another GOP debate tonight? Jesus wept.

    It should make for some good soundbites, though, as Newt’s advisers are telling him to not do what his daughters told him to do (be “presidential”) and just be Newt.

    Expect some fiery rhetoric tonight. There’s a possibility that I’ll bite the bullet and live tweet the debate. It’s difficult for me to do logistically because the TV in the computer room is on the side of my bad ear for hearing, and when I turn my head to face my keyboard and type, I miss stuff. Not complaining, just explaining. Then again, that’s why I do a lot of “Did he just say…?”-type stuff. 🙂

    See everyone later. Have a great day.

    • I think Jesus has declared “fuck it, I’m outta here. That place is way too messed up. I get more prayers about the outcomes of sporting events and political contests, than I do about sickness or the poor and needy.”

    • You could try standing on your head Wayne.
      It would eliminate having to re-arrange the room, and reading upside down what the Goopers say wouldn’t make any difference…

  2. Wild wit has thee such to spare,
    and intellect often quite rare.
    For thy delightful mirth,
    has incalculable worth,
    our treasured Briseadh na Faire.

  3. Really good BnF.
    I read the second line as “vaginal” rather than “‘vangelical”. I attribute this to the fact that I live in Virginia.

  4. There once was a dog named “Seamus”
    A dog who’s owner is famous
    In a box he did ride
    On the car roof outside
    In terror he Romney’d
    til unconscious

  5. Point of Order: Franklin Graham, Sick Rantorum, et al. et al. the wingnuts are questioning (again) Obama’s Christianity, mostly concluding that he’s not, really.

    I only hope it’s true. I would vote for ANY non-Christian — atheist, non-theist, Muslim, Taoist, Hindu, Shintoist, Buddhist, Jew, name it — before I’d even CONSIDER voting for one of those righteous right wing nutcase assholes!

    Thus it is written. 🙂

  6. Hi all.

    Got back from a loooong weekend in Manitoba to see my folks. Helped put last weeks tragedy in perspective. Can now think about Jake without breaking into tears.

    My folks live in a small town and across the parking lot from their building is a performing theater. It is a converted church, which is itself a story as this town of 10,000 has at least 20 churches. It’s in the heart of Mennonite country and as such is a dry town. No worries, my folks travel the 10 miles down the road to the next town which is not dry!!!

    Anyway, we went last weekend because the theater had programs on Friday and Saturday. A double header of getting out of the condo. A rare happening. On Friday the Vinyl Cafe was in town. This is a radio program on CBC radio that travels around the country (and a little in the US). Stuart McLean is the host and he tells stories. Absolutely fabulous. Storytelling at it’s finest. He always has a couple of musicians that accompany him as well as a special guest. This time it was Harry Manx. He was also fantastic. I think you can hear old shows on the website. A really great time.

    The next night was…..musically great but ….. wholly religious! It was a Bluegrass Gospel Special in support of a charity they run in Mexico. The music was all by local artists These people are very talented – the harmonizing was incredible. Some of the music was classic gospel like “I’ll Fly Away” but others were unknown to us. At one point a slide was put up with words to a song and we were all supposed to stand up and sing along. The song had some cringe worthy lyrics – “Are you soaked in the blood of the lamb”!!?!?!

    It’s good to be back home and settle in to a regular routine after a busy couple of weeks. Also good to be reading the Zoo. (No internet for 5 days – I read that Zooey has also been disconnected – what the hell did we do without it!!!)

    • I put myself through college by DJing on a bluegrass gospel station. The music is great as long as you stick with pure bluegrass and avoid the more country influenced stuff. I also had to put local preachers on the air. It was very strange running the board while some guy writhed on the floor babbling in “tongues”.
      I’m glad you found some enjoyment on your trip.

    • He’s alienating the very protestant (baptist) evangelical crowd that endorse him.

      He’s also telling his audience to not trust people who went to college, not trust any Church but the Catholic Church, and He (Santorum) will save the country from Satan. He would use the Federal Government to force his religous mores on everyone in order to battle a mythical creature of darkness.

      But I have news for Santorum. The Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Great Pumpkin have teamed up to give him an October Surprise he’ll not soon forget!

        • The way he speaks about academia tells me that he knows nothing about research, studying, more research, more studying, studying, studying, research and then rewriting the whole mess.
          Another child of priveledge.

          He also graduated from Penn State with a Bachelor of Arts which is a very important university for football research. Football is important for creating critical thinking in an individual.
          He then received an MBA from Penn State law.
          We’ve seen how useful past leadership with an MBA has been to the country.
          You would think someone with a BA would have much more open mind.

          • “privileged” sorry.

            His father was also a clinical psychologist which makes the question mark even bigger. Apparently his father didn’t teach logic.

          • Penn State has an outstanding agricultural department that provides information to the local farmers and vineyards. This university also has a really good forestry department. It’s sad that people outside of Pennsylvania only know Penn State for its college football when there is so much good education provided by this university.

          • My son-in-law has his MBA from Penn State. It is a good program. Santorum’s education from Penn State has nothing to do with his beliefs. His problem is that he believes everything that the priests and bishops tell him. Ricky is afraid of death and that is why religion is his crutch.

            • Apologies to the fine educators of Penn State.
              I get irked when sports overshadows education.

  7. From the FB page of a wise and wonderful friend:

    Sighing over the religious righteousness that is permeating the current political climate and thought of an Anne Lamott quote: “You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

    • There is a strange fellow named Rick
      Who seems afraid of his dick
      It’s for procreating
      But not recreating
      ‘Cause that sort of thing makes Rick sick

  8. It’s simply astounding. The Reich-wing echo chamber has seized on the meme that President Obama is “dangerous to religious liberty” while vowing to support a bunch of bigots. Could anything be more indicative of their idiocy and hypocrisy? They themselves have trashed Obama for celebrating religions not his own. Is not a celebration of all religion the height of religious liberty?

    The GOP candidates, on the other hand, are all on record for anti-Muslim comments. We all know Newt’s history. Mittens is one of the single largest donors to the LDS church and they aren’t really known for tolerance and acceptance of other religions. Rantorum has all but promised that he will let the Pope dictate his decisions. And Paul, while being less of a fundy than most, is still tied to those newsletters that were just as filled with hate for non-Christian religions as they are filled with hate for all minorities.

    I should be past even mild surprise when they double down on the hate, hypocrisy, and idiocy but I m still amazed just about every day.

    • Here’s the thing, see. Amurka’s a WHITE Christian Protestant nation. And Obama ain’t white, so you know what THAT means … means his daddy was probably a Muslim, and since his mama married the dude, she cain’t be no Christian neither. A Catlick maybe, but we all know about them. ‘Cept for Rantorum, of course, but then he’s white, see, and an evangelical. God don’t care if he’s Catlick so long as he hates Obama and sinner wimmin that ain’t Christian neither (you know the type, wimmin who’ll git nekkid even when the lights are on, and who look kinda cute when they do and ain’t got no shame fer that. EVIL!!).

      Sigh. If that screed wasn’t so accurate, I’d probably feel feel like chuckling or something. 😯

  9. Still hoping someone will ask her,
    to be VP and thus task her:
    “Come back to the GOP fold.”
    Far north in the dark and the cold,
    Tongue froze to a pipe in Alasker.

  10. Great Limerick BnF!

    Sickly was this Rantorum,
    His following hardly a quorum
    Of religious bent,
    they pompously went
    and pissed away their vote, for him.

  11. (April 5, 2010 disaster)

    W.Va. mine boss charged with fraud in deadly blast

    The information filed in U.S. District Court in Beckley accuses May of conspiring with others to conceal many dangers in the mine through an elaborate scheme that included code words to alert miners underground when inspectors were on the property, the deliberate alteration of approved ventilation plans and the deliberate disabling of a methane gas monitor on the continuous mining machine.

    May allegedly ordered the wiring to be altered in February 2010 so the automatic shut-off mechanism was disabled, allowing the machine to function for several hours without a methane monitor.

    • Ya know, these job killing goddamned regulations are choking off business investment and killing people, er jobs! Somebody oughta ask Pawn Raul about these invasive, intrusive, federl reggalashuns!

    • I’m not an unqualified fan of China or the death penalty but, sometimes, I think they get it right when someone is convicted of and executed for killing their workers and/or customers. I have a feeling that American heavy industries would be a lot different if a couple CEOs were on death row. We wouldn’t even have to go through with the execution.

  12. Being reported by the Richmond Times-Dispatch:
    “UPDATE 2:45 P.M.:

    Gov. Bob McDonnell this afternoon said he opposes requiring Virginia women to undergo a mandatory transvaginal ultrasound before having an abortion.

    Having reviewed the current proposal: “I believe there is no need to direct by statute that further invasive ultrasound procedures be done,” the governor said in a statement.”


      • Blatant self-interest prevails, though at least according to WaPo commenter grantmh, it may not help GuvBob:
        “McDonnell should “abort” any Vice Presidential aspirations he may have. He’s pregnant with an 11 pound, baby flip-flop. He should just sit scoot back in the stirrups, relax his pelvis, and prepare for the cold wand of the trans-political ultra-pandering detector to slip on in, and just let it happen.”
        I love it!

      • It’s probably his wife and her female friends that prevail. He will start campaigning next year for re-election or maybe he is hoping for the VP position and he knows that women won’t forget. The general public may forget but women remember. Just ask any husband.

      • Wouldn’t it be enlightening to see/hear the emails/phone calls he’s been getting lately? I have a feeling that, should they be released, we will see a fantastic example of grassroots democracy in action. Of course, it wouldn’t advance their agenda if they revealed that grassroots democracy still works.

    • Hmm, demand is flatish, production is uppish – me thinky speculation bny those who would profit from higher prices with war in Iran….

      … al you need is a media outlet, some blowhards and a hey presto – another billion dollars for the Kock brothers.

      • Don’t leave out the refinery industry. I haven’t researched it yet but, according to a guest on a local talk show, several refineries are cutting production as well. Their excuse? The refineries in question are out of date and they are holding out for the “evil government” to help defray the cost of upgrades. This is hardly uncommon.

        It’s also why the “drill here, drill now” mantra is ridiculous. The oil industry is sitting on leases and permits that they haven’t put into production. They are delaying production because they don’t want to pay the up front costs of initiating production and building new refineries. If the oil industry wanted to dramatically increase production? There’s nothing but their own greed stopping them. Rather than paying those up front costs they are waiting until oil prices stabilize at a high enough level to maintain their obscene level of profits despite new expenditures.

        • Knowing the number of refineries and their production abnd who they sold it to used to be part of my job….

          There has not been a new refinery built in the lower 48 states of US in 30+ years (Alliance, LA – last time I was there it was a Conoco ref). Sure some have closed, they view it as uneconomic to have to upgrade old grandfathered equipment. The story is also one of regulation ‘I’d upgrade if it wasn’t for these pesky regulations!’

          Also the oil companies were hammered hard for refining margins in the 90s, so they sat still – until they could trade on their own unregulated oil and products exchanges….

          This one’s mostly a speculative rise…. it feels that way – refineries cutting production is related to tight margins

  13. I’ve really come to like and respect Steve Schmidt but WTF was he thinking?:

    “In one of the many rambling responses that eroded her credibility, Mrs Palin reportedly replied she would ”continue to have an open dialogue” with the Queen. A horrified Mr Schmidt informed her the prime minister, then Gordon Brown, would be responsible for the decision. She also mistakenly believed Saddam Hussein ordered the September 11 attacks.”

    • I’ll respect Sarah as a right-wing commentator, not for anything that spews from her mouth but for the money she makes with her grift.

      The title of the next movie about Sarah: True Grift
      H/T to Bill Baerg (2011 Facebook comment)

  14. On a more positive note: Does anyone think Sick Rantorum can survive a debate as the frontrunner? I predict that his polling numbers will start to crash by noon tomorrow.

    BTW. How many times will Sicky say some variation of “I didn’t say/mean that”? He only has the one card in his deck when someone calls him on the creepy shit he says.

    • If reporters would ask him about the context of the shit he says when he says it maybe we would understand how truly demented he is. Is it possible that he had encounters with a priest or two when he was a boy? Perhaps he dropped his soap in the shower at Penn State?

  15. Money quote from Maureen Dowd’s column today, where she refers to Santorum as Mullah Rick:

    “Why is it that Republicans don’t want government involved when it comes to the economy (opposing the auto bailouts) but do want government involved when it comes to telling people how to live their lives?”

    • Fear mongering is all they have to offer. What is their proposal to assist those without access to healthcare? Oh, that’s correct — nothing. Just let us die a slow agonizing death.

  16. “The best health care money can buy!”
    Conservatives bellow and cry.
    “We’ve got drugs! We’ve got tubes! We’ve got beds!”
    “So be a good little veggie, take your meds;
    but if you can’t pay you’ll die!”

    • I’m sort of half-listening. I was up late trying to finish my column (the editor gave me extra time.) I finally submitted it this afternoon, and I’m concerned because the editor didn’t acknowledge receiving it yet. Since it was about abortion rights, I’m wondering if he’s hesitating to publish it.

  17. Santorum says he got a “hero award.” He sounds like a boy scout trying to impress a crazy but lovable old uncle by showing him his badges.

  18. Romney says there has never been in America an administration more opposed to religious freedom. This from a man whose great grandparents were chased out of the country on purely religious grounds.

    • To the American Taliban, “religious freedom” means the right to impose your religious beliefs on other people. All other people. To the rest of us, it means having the freedom to practice your own religion, or none at all, without restriction or harassment.

      To someone not in the Taliban, hearing a comment like Mittens’ must be a real head scratcher. Huh? What’d they do now? Must have missed it again.

    • The scooter is always on patrol, isn’t he?

      Clown fish patrolling his/her area.

      These are such great videos to watch. Thanks, pete for sharing your world!

      • You’re welcome. I still have a lot of practicing with the new camera before the birds come back in spring.

        The clown, she’s a female, is basically a bully so just about any activity can draw her. The scooter gets most of his food by picking off tiny crustaceans that live in the gravel so he’s in a constant hunt. The scooters have long been my personal favorite and I can watch them for hours. I’m hopeful that my favorite fish store will let me trade the one I have now for a new pair of a smaller, matched, size. He does take processed food, which is not a given with scooters, so he would be suitable for someone who doesn’t have enough microfauna to support a fussy one. My major goal is to get footage of their mating dance. It’s spectacular!

  19. Romney got one right. Employers of illegals would face sanctions ‘just like they do for not paying their taxes’. I don’t see either one happening with Rs in charge.

  20. Well, if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I have been sincerely flattered.

    Thank you all for adding to the limericks today.

    The Critters who post at The Zoo,
    Are quite a creative crew,
    They rhyme every verse,
    For better or werse,
    As the GOP they gladly skew!

    • Despite such depressing news,
      with words crafty we try to amuse.
      As with thee cast we our lot,
      at despicable foes we’ll fling snot,
      thank you for being our muse.

  21. The poor, frightened, little freaks just can’t accept the fact that Iran doesn’t have nuclear weapons, is not building nuclear weapons, has no delivery system for nuclear weapons, and probably wouldn’t pursue nuclear weapons if we would stop threatening to bomb them!

  22. Santorum has no idea that the Iranian Green movement did not want the US president to play into the regime’s hands by co-opting their cause. He also brings up Satan!

  23. The president who destroyed al Qaeda and captured and killed Osama bin Laden is “the most dangerous in the history of America.” Right, Newt.

  24. Um, Mittens? Iran doesn’t need Syria as a “path to the sea”. None of these freaks knows anything about anything and would simply lie about it if they did. Of course, they know that their worshipers are even stupider than they are so they can say ANYTHING without being called on it.

  25. Neut seems to just want to “fundamentally” change everything “from the ground up” – the government, education, etc. – but he never elaborates on what he wants to build. Didn’t he once say that he wanted to fundamentally change civilization?

    What a megalomaniac!

  26. After tweeting that we can thank Pres Carter’s NSA Zbigniew Brezinzki for the idea of bankrupting the Soviet Union through Afghanistan, I got followed by “JECarter4”. I sent a DM to confirm if he is President Carter’s grandson. I’ll let you know if he responds. His bio is Atlanta-centric.

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