The Watering Hole, So Happy It’s Thursday, April 12, 2012: Corporate Personhood, Part Too

In yesterday’s Open Thread, The Zoo revealed Mitt “Corporations are People” Romney’s plan for a Corporate Personhood Bill. Since breaking that story, more insider information has come to light.

Obama’s DoJ, not to be outdone, has arrested World News Corporation for its role in the email hacking scandal. A top official in the DoJ, who refused to be identified for the purposes of this story explained. “The headquarters building of World News Corporation is under house arrest. We have encircled the building with what is essentially a large ankle bracelet, so we will know where the building is at all time. The Corporation was allowed its one phone call. After that, we cut all communications.”

People inside the Person were allowed to gather thier belongings and leave. A spokesman for the Corporation said the move by the DoJ was patently unfair and illegal. “To cut off all contact with the outside world is cruel and unusual punishment. It’s tantamount to solitary confinement while under house arrest. Sure, it is still outside, getting fresh air and sunshine, but it’s a News Corporation. Being cut off from communications is like the death penalty, but there’s been no trial, no conviction.”

When asked about what the DoJ plans to do with the Corporate headquarters should the Corporation be convicted, the DoJ spokesperson said that the Department is looking into building a new prison, one specially designed to incarcerate Corporations, where the headquarters building will be relocated to serve out its term.



165 thoughts on “The Watering Hole, So Happy It’s Thursday, April 12, 2012: Corporate Personhood, Part Too

  1. “There are a lot of things that haven’t been hammered at because Rick and Mitt have been going at each other,” wealthy GOP super PAC donor Foster Friess said during an interview on Fox Business News. “Now that they have trained their barrels on President Obama, I hope his teleprompters are bulletproof.”

    How does someone SO fucking stoopid manage to be SO fucking wealthy? Mr. Freiss needs a visit from “the men in black.”

    • Money and brains are not connected in any way.
      A persons ability to amass wealth is usually a function of their morality.
      Many a genius have died broke.

      • That’s why the British Empire failed (well, one of the reasons) – after a few centuries of accumulating wealth, the upper crust and aristos interbred and/or became progressively stupider such that a more egalitarian society (at the time) the United States, ‘burned them off’ after the national catastrophes of WW1 and WW2 (pyrric victories both from the Empires point-of-view).

        Money and brains are indeed not connected for the most part, especially when you allow it to accumulate by inheritance and hang on to it by immorality.

    • Most really, really, rich people are sociopaths and sociopaths are very, very, hard to educate. They operate in their own “reality” and make their own rules.

  2. So…Ron Paul is using the ‘Oral Roberts gambit’ to solicit donations? Send him money or ‘God will call him home’ (to Lake Jackson, Texas)?

  3. What is it with these Romney people? The campaign had something really nice to hook their claws into, after Hillary Rosen attempted to re-ignite the “Mommy Wars,” and then Ann goes on Fux:

    Ann Romney on Fox News Thursday morning said, โ€œI know what itโ€™s like to struggle.โ€ She admitted that she may not have struggled financially as much as others in the U.S. โ€œI would love to have people understand that Mitt and I have compassion for people who are struggling,โ€ Ann Romney said. โ€œWe care about those people that are struggling.โ€

    *face plant*

    • She doesn’t seem to understand that her choices, and the healthcare that has helped her through her personal struggles, are unavailable to a large segment of the population. Choice itself is a luxury good.

    • Ann Romney’s idea of struggling is having to drive her daughter to ballet because the chauffeur had to drive the son to T-ball.

    • “Let them eat the sugar packets by the coffee pot in the hospital emergency rooms they can go to if they ahve no health care, which obviosuly is their own choice anyway”

      – Queen Mormon Antoinette Rmoney

    • โ€œI would love to have people understand that Mitt and I have compassion for people who are struggling,โ€ Ann Romney said. โ€œWe care about those people that are struggling.โ€

      Ann and Mitt (I love being able to fire people and corporations are people, too, my friend) Romney may certainly have compassion for those who are struggling, because that cannot be quantified, but they certainly don’t have a visceral, grounded understanding of what it takes to make it in this economy that G W Bush (and even Ronnie Raygun) created.

    • See Mark Twain’s “Damned Human Race” for the ultimate clarification of that very issue.

      I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the lower animals (so-called), and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that the theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.


    • Living batteries? Animals produce better and are healthier and easier to handle when we understand them and manage them to minimize stress. It’s better to become a cooperative part of creation than to dominate it. If that guy is a farmer, he’s not a good one.

    • “Doesn’t Mr Steg O’ Saurus ( Stevenage, Pangea ) realise that God put us on earth to have dominion over Earth and all animals, especially those f***ing tiny furry ones that I can never catch?

      It’s irrelevant that my prey feel pain when used as food for me and my family, All other animals are here for me to catch and eat – as God intended and it will ever be so.

      Hold on a second another call coming in…. huh? An asteroid coming towards us, big new light in the sky…. what? What the f***s an asteroid and why should I care?”

      – T. Rex Limbaugh.

  4. Via TP, a tweet from Bill Donohue:
    @CatholicLeague: Lesbian Dem Hilary Rosen tells Ann Romney she never worked a day in her life. Unlike Rosen, who had to adopt kids, Ann raised 5 of her own.

    Good job Bill. In an effort to insult Ms Rosen you’ve managed to insult every adoptive parent in the country.

  5. Bill only thinks about Jesus when it is convenient.
    Certainly his god would not distinguish between natural and adoptive parents as long as the children are loved and cared for.

    • I was in the old Memorial Stadium on opening day in 1984, less than a month after the Colts absconded to Indianapolis. President Reagan threw out the first pitch from the stands. After that ceremony, before the Orioles took the field, an announcement was made:

      Ladies and Gentlemen, before we begin the game please direct your attention to the center field gate and help me in welcoming our special guest today, MISTER ROBERT IRSAY!

      Robert Irsay was the owner of the Colts, the low life scumbag bastard fucker whomoved sneaked the Colts out of town in the middle of the night.

      A dead hush came over the crowd as 80,000 pair of eyes turned to watch the center field gate. What was seconds seemed an eternity as everyone waited for the gate to open. Finally the announcer said, “Well, it looks like he ran out on us too.”

      The O’s lost that day. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    • I wonder what scope “stand your ground” covers. Does it included an entire neighborhood (gated community) or just one’s immediate home? And if the other person has as much right to be there as you how does that impact stand your ground?

      • If George or his attorney have any smarts they will not go to the ‘Stand your Ground’ side. Martin had every bit as much of a right to stand his ground, he just didn’t have a gun.

        • I’m sure Trayvon Martin would have probably invoked the Stand-your-ground law too, if he’d survived to tell the tale, that is. What a ridiculous law.

      • Apparently Zimmerman’s new attorney is an expert in this “stand your ground” law. He presents as a milquetoast and nice guy, but I think if we scratch the surface, we’d find a dangerous pit bull.

    • Mmmm. Had fried catfish, hush puppies, brisket and greens for lunch today. Not Cajun but definitely Southern. If it wasn’t for the rednecks and the shit weather, I could enjoy the South. People do know how to cook.

      • Best Dirty Rice recipe I’ve found to date. Couple of gumbos, sac alait, meat pies, candied yams. I am in heaven.

          • Ingredients
            1 tablespoon plus 1/2 cup vegetable oil
            1 pound smoked sausage, such as andouille cut crosswise 1/2-inch thick pieces
            4 pounds chicken thighs, skin removed
            1 tablespoon Essence or Creole seasoning, recipe follows
            1 cup all-purpose flour
            2 cups chopped onions
            1 cup chopped celery
            1 cup chopped bell peppers
            1 teaspoon salt
            1/4 teaspoon cayenne
            3 bay leaves
            9 cups chicken stock or canned low-sodium chicken broth
            1/2 cup chopped green onions
            2 tablespoons chopped parsley leaves
            1 tablespoon file powder
            White Rice, recipe follows
            Hot sauce
            In a large enameled cast iron Dutch oven or large pot, heat 1 tablespoon of the vegetable oil over medium-high heat. Add the sausage and cook until well browned, about 8 minutes. Remove the sausage with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Set aside.

            Season the chicken with the Essence and add in batches to the fat remaining in the pan. Cook over medium-high heat until well browned, 5 to 6 minutes. Remove the chicken from the pan, let cool, and then refrigerate until ready to use.

            Combine the remaining 1/2 cup oil and the flour in the same Dutch oven over medium heat. Cook, stirring slowly and constantly for 20 to 25 minutes, to make a dark brown roux, the color of chocolate.

            Add the onions, celery, and bell peppers and cook, stirring, until wilted, 4 to 5 minutes. Add the reserved sausage, salt, cayenne, and bay leaves, stir, and cook for 2 minutes. Stirring, slowly add the chicken stock, and cook, stirring, until well combined. Bring the mixture to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium-low and cook, uncovered and stirring occasionally, for 1 hour.

            Add the reserved chicken to the pot and simmer for 1 1/2 hours, skimming off any fat that rises to the surface.

            Remove the pot from the heat. Using a slotted spoon, remove the chicken thighs from the gumbo and place on a cutting board to cool slightly. Remove and discard the bay leaves. Pull the chicken meat from the bones and shred, discarding the bones and skin. Return the meat to the gumbo and stir in the green onions, parsley, and file powder.

            Spoon rice into the bottom of deep bowls or large cups and ladle the gumbo on top. Serve, passing hot sauce on the side.

            Emeril’s ESSENCE Creole Seasoning (also referred to as Bayou Blast):

            2 1/2 tablespoons paprika

            2 tablespoons salt

            2 tablespoons garlic powder

            1 tablespoon black pepper

            1 tablespoon onion powder

            1 tablespoon cayenne pepper

            1 tablespoon dried oregano

            1 tablespoon dried thyme

            Combine all ingredients thoroughly.

            Yield: 2/3 cup

            Recipe from “New New Orleans Cooking”, by Emeril Lagasse and Jessie Tirsch Published by William and Morrow, 1993.

            White Rice:

            2 cups long-grain white rice

            4 cups water, chicken stock, or canned low-sodium chicken broth

            1 tablespoon unsalted butter

            1 1/2 teaspoons salt

            1 bay leaf

            In a 2-quart saucepan, combine the rice, water, butter, salt, and bay leaf and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat to low, cover, and simmer until all the liquid is absorbed, about 20 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and let sit, covered and undisturbed, for 5 minutes.

            Uncover and fluff the rice with a fork. Discard the bay leaf and serve.

            Yield: 7 cups

            I grill the chicken for less fat

  6. April 12, 2012
    Charles Manson Denied Parole, Effectively Ending His Bid for Republican Presidential Nomination
    Clears Path for Romney

    KINGS COUNTY, CA (The Borowitz Report) ๏ฟฝ Seriaal killer Charles Manson was denied parole yesterday, effectively ending his bid for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination.

    With Mr. Manson no longer a contender, the path appears to be clear for former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney to become the partyโ€™s nominee.

    Perhaps in recognition of this development, Mr. Romney unveiled a new campaign slogan today: โ€œSorry, But You Have No Other Choices Now.โ€

    As for the rest of the GOP field, former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum suspended his campaign this week, saying that he wanted โ€œto spend more time with the voices in my head.โ€

    And former House Speaker Newt Gingrich wrote a $500 check on an account that had no money in it, in the first sign that he might be qualified to be President.

  7. What Rick Santorum Wrought –

    Santorum surged by dragging the debate so far to the right he couldnโ€™t see the middle with a telescope. The base dropped all pretense of moderation or even modernity and followed Santorum down a slippery path that led to a political abyss of social regression. The rest of America watched in stunned disbelief and was left to wonder: Was this the rise of some sort of โ€œJudeo-Christian Shariahโ€ movement, as the political comedian Dean Obeidallah pointed out on

    • 30 years ago I was a conservative to moderate Republican. Although I have always voted for people instead of parties I probably voted for Republicans about 70% of the time. My views haven’t changed much but now I’m probably a bit to the left of all but the most liberal Democrats and could not vote for any living Republican if I were paid a fortune. The whole damned bunch of them are nuts.

      • I think I have always been a Democrat, but I have been known to vote for a Republican here and there. My greatest shame is voting for Ronald Reagan for his second term of office. That turned out so badly for everyone that we are still paying the price all these years later.

        • LL, to my eternal shame, I did the same thing, and for even worse reasons. As a defense worker, I voted for my paycheck. I’ll never do such a thing again.

        • Raygun fooled a bunch of us. Although, I became deeply concerned when he started humping Fallwell’s leg.

          Still, there was a time when Minnesota produced some very good Republican lawmakers but those days are long since gone. And, against all odds, it just keeps getting worse. One would hope that at least one of them would realize that they are off the rails and start moving back towards the center but those still in the GOP realize that any hint of moderation will result in immediate expulsion from the party.

          • I don’t think they can move back towards the center as long as there are lobbyists like Grover Norquist ready to run more conservative candidates against them in the primaries.

      • I voted for John Anderson for President in 1980… who was a Republican running as an Independent… but his policies are simply too far left for the Republican party of today.

  8. uh, oh – my “SKorea says Pyongyang has fired long-range rocket”,
    with link, may have gone to the spam bin.
    I attempted to re-post and WP said it was a duplicate..

    • It’s not really a surprise that none of them have the foggiest notion what they’re talking about and they don’t have to. There’s a black guy in the White House!!!

        • Oh Good Lord, that does seem to be the root of the entire problem. If I read one more ignorant screed on why we should be equally outraged by every interracial crime as we are by the case of Trayvon Martin I will vomit into my flower cutting buckets. The black criminals they cite were charged with the crime. Our outrage springs from the fact that no one was charged in what was clearly at least an act that needed a full judicial hearing. Incompetent man-child, ill-prepared affirmative action Harvard grad, the racists have trotted out every cliche I’ve heard in the 54 years I’ve been alive against a man who seems to be a well spoken centrist president. I swear I’m real close to clunking someone on the head with a well chosen rock.

    • If you’ve seen Granholm’s War Room, you know that the set is a brick wall decorated with campaign posters. One is strategically placed so that when the camera is on Jennifer, you read ‘Nancy Pelosi – A Voice That Will Be Heard’, and when the camera is on Nancy, another says ‘Speaker – Nancy Pelosi’.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s