What’s black and white and red all over?
Obama, Romney and the 2012 electoral map.
Once again, Tweeter, the Zoo’s primo investigative journalist is first on the scene with the Gnus. Diebold has already called the 2012 election for President-elect Mitt Romney. Eeking out a narrow victory within the statistical margin of error in each of the swing states Romney walks away with 100% of the votes of the Electoral College, a fete not accomplished by any presidential candidate since George Washington.
Through countless hours of painstakingly pasting together documents in Diebold’s shredding machines, Tweeter discovered draft acceptance and concession speeches.
President Obama will be magnamous in defeat:
The people have spoken. I promised them change, but didn’t deliver. Too often, change was dictated by the minority of Republicans in the Senate. Where I failed, they succeeded. I wanted jobs for all, they wanted a continued economic decline. They won. I wanted health care for everyone. They wanted profits for the insurance industry. They won. Even when I wanted what they wanted, they opposed it, and won. And now, they won the presidency. For that, I congratulate them. I am going back to the place of my birth proud of what I, a black man from Kenya, was able to accomplish. One term. As President. Of the United States. Of. America.
President-Elect Romney will be gracious in winning:
Where’s my Etch-a-Sketch? Is this thing on? … My fellow Americans…tonight we celebrate a great victory for Americans where ever they are. You have given me a mandate as clear as black and white. I want what you want. You want fewer government services…so do I. You want fewer teachers, police, and firefighters, so do I. You want to get rid of unions. So do I. You want to get rid of ObamaCare. So do I. You want to eliminate the minimum wage. So do I. You want to keep gays from getting married. So do I. You want marriage to be between one man and one woman. So do I…but we can talk about numbers later. You want to prevent your wives, daughters and girlfriends from having the choice to have an abortion, so do I. You want to close our borders to illegal immigration. So do I. You want to rid the world of terrorists, liberals and socialists. So do I. And now I’ll have the drones to do just that!
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