The Watering Hole: Wednesday, 6/13/12

Tweeter calls in his latest scoop.

What’s black and white and red all over?

Obama, Romney and the 2012 electoral map.

Once again, Tweeter, the Zoo’s primo investigative journalist is first on the scene with the Gnus. Diebold has already called the 2012 election for President-elect Mitt Romney. Eeking out a narrow victory within the statistical margin of error in each of the swing states Romney walks away with 100% of the votes of the Electoral College, a fete not accomplished by any presidential candidate since George Washington.

Through countless hours of painstakingly pasting together documents in Diebold’s shredding machines, Tweeter discovered draft acceptance and concession speeches.

President Obama will be magnamous in defeat:

The people have spoken. I promised them change, but didn’t deliver. Too often, change was dictated by the minority of Republicans in the Senate. Where I failed, they succeeded. I wanted jobs for all, they wanted a continued economic decline. They won. I wanted health care for everyone. They wanted profits for the insurance industry. They won. Even when I wanted what they wanted, they opposed it, and won. And now, they won the presidency. For that, I congratulate them. I am going back to the place of my birth proud of what I, a black man from Kenya, was able to accomplish. One term. As President. Of the United States. Of. America.

President-Elect Romney will be gracious in winning:

Where’s my Etch-a-Sketch? Is this thing on? … My fellow Americans…tonight we celebrate a great victory for Americans where ever they are. You have given me a mandate as clear as black and white. I want what you want. You want fewer government services…so do I. You want fewer teachers, police, and firefighters, so do I. You want to get rid of unions. So do I. You want to get rid of ObamaCare. So do I. You want to eliminate the minimum wage. So do I. You want to keep gays from getting married. So do I. You want marriage to be between one man and one woman. So do I…but we can talk about numbers later. You want to prevent your wives, daughters and girlfriends from having the choice to have an abortion, so do I. You want to close our borders to illegal immigration. So do I. You want to rid the world of terrorists, liberals and socialists. So do I. And now I’ll have the drones to do just that!


101 thoughts on “The Watering Hole: Wednesday, 6/13/12

      • Headless bodies in the desert are no problem. I have a Republican cousin who lives in Wickenburg AZ … on the desert. Aside from being stupid, they’re (individually, at least) harmless. As for the drug cartels, I hear that all you have to do is mention the words “Joe Arpaio” and they scatter like dandelion fluff on a breezy day. I should be ok, i.o.w.

          • speaking of headless bodies….Ruidoso Downs has been raided by the FBI. Seems the Zeta’s drug cartel has taken control of it and have been using it to launder drug money. Newspapers are showing the feds hauling off the horses in stock trailers. 7 of 14 involved have been arrested, of course they the Zeta’s number two man escaped back into Mexico…

      • Never seen one with a busted ear before. Just adds to the aww factor. I’m a big fan of Corgis. I met two Cardigans last summer at the dog park that were just about the sweetest dogs ever. When I first saw them I thought they were on leashes because they were so close and precise with their human. Turned out they just stayed that close to him all the time. Definitely not hounds.

  1. I’m not sure what to think about our country:

    Ron Barber, Gabby Gifford’s long time aide, was elected to finish out Gabby’s term. Awesome!!
    Jesse Kelly, says via twitter: “This stinks.” How eloquent.

    In other news, George “Makaka” Allen won his GOP primary…

  2. Reno!
    Still a lot of Ron Paul signs back down the road between here and Vegas.
    Guess they haven’t heard.
    Either that or they’re being used for shade.

  3. QOTD:

    “Bush was better than Obama on this. It’s pathetic, but it is what it is. The world’s upside-down.”
    — Judit Rius, U.S. manager of Doctors Without Borders Access to Medicines Campaign, referring to the medication rules President Obama’s free trade negotiations with eight Pacific nations.

  4. Kevin Drum worries that “even on a national stage you can lie pretty blatantly and pay no price”:

    “This discovery — that you can tell almost any lie without paying a price — is, in some sense, an example of national politics becoming a lot more like local politics. Blatant lying has always been routine in local races that don’t get a lot of press coverage, but the brighter media spotlight kept at least a bit of a lid on it in higher profile races. However, with the splintering of the mainstream national media in recent years and the rise of the web and social media, national politics is local again. And being called on your lies by the occasional earnest fact checker now matters about as much as it does when a local columnist for a weekly newspaper calls you on it.”

  5. Curious about what might happen if Obama wins in November, but the House remains in Republican hands. Will their mantra still be, “Our main objective is to make sure Obama is a two term president”? How will they explain their obstructionist ways (outside of FauxSnooze propaganidizement)…of course…

  6. Ok, I have a guest post here for a Critter to decide what to do with – its big enough to be a daily open. Where do ya want it? (be nice and be polite 🙂 )

  7. Here’s some great irony. The lady whining about fundraising is employed by the only network that allows GOP politicians to solicit funds during “interviews”. This includes incidents on her own show. It’s doubly ironic because she and her network also work actively to prevent meaningful campaign reform and, literally, laugh at the prospect of mandating public funding only for political races. Have I recently mentioned how much I hate these people?

  8. I keep thinking that when these “leaks” on drones & decisions started coming out it was because Republicans were trying to piss us off making us think that President Obama is a war monger. When nobody went really negative on him that’s when the talk started that Obama team had started the leaks to make President Obama look good. Am I the only one who remembers it that way? I was kind of shocked when it all switched.

    • I remember the Obama war-monger stuff. I am also convinced that intel is never leaked without an agenda. Whose agenda is being pursued I’ve no idea. “Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter accusations.”

  9. Happy Birthday WBY!

    Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.

    Life is a long preparation for something that never happens.

    There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

    • The idea of cellophane undergarments creeps me out almost as much as the plastic wrapped babies.
      I once saw a woman pull a plastic bag from the roll in the produce dept. and hand it to her baby to play with. I always wondered who “This bag is not a toy” was directed towards.

  10. Here’s a question: if Barack Obama had to go through a brutal process of defending the doctrines, sermons and ideology of a church he merely attended, why is Mitt Romney exempted from explaining the doctrines and statements and ideology of a church he was an actual leading official in?

    • Well, Mitt’s white, first of all; also, Mor(m)ons basically hate black folks, those Descendents of Cain, and fear the consequences of even having them around, much less having to deal with them. There are violations of God’s law, after all, and the consequences ain’t pleasant. So, the more we know about “them” and the dirt that “they” might be up to, the more likely we white folk will find favor with God.

      It’s all SO simple, really.

    • The Mormon church is very rich and powerful. Do you think they are exerting their strength and keeping the Mormon issue quiet? I do.

  11. Catch any of Jamie Dimon’s “grilling” by the Senate? The most important thing Dimon said was “we didn’t understand the risks.”

    HEL-LOOO: If they didn’t, no one does.

    • Speaking of Reid, he has said that he would consider changing the rules of the Senate to curtail abuses of the Filibuster at the beginning of the next Senate class.
      Does this require 60 votes to end debate before they can take a vote on this? And/or can a Senator put a hold on the rule? In other words, what are the chances of Reid getting anew rule passed?

    • Noooooo.

      Damn Harry – just send a “strongly worded letter” and leave it at that.
      Get back to addressing REAL problems that affect us all.

  12. Profile in Courage:

    “As a local GOP official after President Obama’s election, I had a front-row seat as it became infected by a dangerous and virulent form of political rabies. In the grip of this contagion, the Republican Party has come unhinged. Its fevered hallucinations involve threats from imaginary communists and socialists who, seemingly, lurk around every corner. Climate change – a reality recognized by every single significant scientific body and academy in the world- is a liberal conspiracy conjured up by Al Gore and other leftists who want to destroy America. Large numbers of Republicans – the notorious birthers- believe that the President was not born in the United States. Even worse, few figures in the GOP have the courage to confront them.

    Republican economic policies are also indefensible.

    The GOP constantly claims that its opponents are engaged in “class warfare,” but this is an exercise in projection. In Republican proposals, the wealthy win, and the rest of us lose- one only has to look at Rep. Paul Ryan’s budget to see that.

    As Thomas E. Mann and Norman J. Ornstein have written, “the Republican Party, has become an insurgent outlier—ideologically extreme; contemptuous of the inherited social and economic policy regime; scornful of compromise; unpersuaded by conventional understanding of facts, evidence, and science; and dismissive of the legitimacy of its political opposition.” Its reckless behavior helps drive the political dysfunction crippling our nation.

    In the end, it offers a dystopian vision of our future- a harsher, crueler and more merciless America starkly divided between the riders, and the ridden,” – Michael Stafford, taking a stand.

  13. The charges against John Edwards have been dropped. I won’t hold my breath waiting for the Reichwhiners to complain about the money wasted in a pointless, politically motivated, prosecution.

    On a mostly unrelated note: Monica “Creepy” Crowley whines that Scooter Libby, who was actually convicted by a jury of his peers, was “prosecuted over nothing”.

    • Repubs are always forgiven for felonies.
      “Creepy” wears blinders that won’t allow her to see the difference between conviction and “charges dropped”/no sentencing. How the hell did she earn a Ph.D.?

  14. Dimon is forever:

    “You’re obviously renowned, rightfully so I think, as being one of the most, you know, one of the best CEOs in the country for financial institutions. You missed this, it’s a blip on the radar screen.”
    — Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN), dabbing semen from the corner of his mouth.

    • So if Morgan Stanley drops $2,000,000,000 it’s a blip but the money spent to support NPR is destroying our economy. That makes perfect sense.

      It sounded to me as if the Republicans weren’t the only toadies in the room, however. Other than Jeff Merkley, it doesn’t appear that any of the Senators forgot to bring their warm cloths to wash Dimon’s ball sack. They were, instead, asking him for advice on how to “regulate” the financial industry. Dimon is of the opinion that there should be zero regulations, because they just get in the way of him and his buddies making Scrooge McDuck’s vault look paltry.

  15. On a personal note:

    I got the latest test results from my doctor today. My uric acid is back to normal, my cholesterol levels are the best they’ve been in years, and I’ve dropped 22 pounds in 3 months. Moderate amounts of beer and junk food are back on the menu!

  16. To Boost Popularity, Romney Sprinkles Self with Bacon
    Hits Campaign Trail with Zesty Meat Topping

    COLUMBUS, OHIO (The Borowitz Report) � In whhat some are calling a move designed to help him connect better with voters, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney today began sprinkling himself with bits of bacon before each campaign appearance.

    According to one campaign staffer, the decision to sprinkle Mr. Romney with a zesty meat topping was inspired by Burger King’s announcement that it would soon be selling a Bacon Sundae at its fast-food restaurants.

    “Apparently, everything is a little more palatable with bacon on top,” the staffer said. “Even Mitt Romney.”

    As part of the bacon rollout, the campaign changed its official slogan today from “Romney: Believe in America” to “Romney: Now with Yummy Bacon.”

    The newly meat-flavored Romney appeared at a rally in Columbus, where his audience gave his generous sprinkling of bacon bits a tentative thumbs-up.

    “I thought his speech was kind of boring,” said Carol Foyler, 44, a receptionist for a Columbus law firm. “But he smelled delicious.”

    Not so impressed, however, was computer programmer Tracy Klugian, 25: “I was sitting in the front row, and I’m pretty sure Romney’s bacon bits were fake.”

    Burger King’s launch of its Bacon Sundae has already had repercussions for its principal rival, McDonald’s, who today announced plans to introduce a new McDeathwich.

  17. i ordered some stuff for my planes from Hong Kong on the 4th. My order is in Saint Paul and will be delivered tomorrow. That’s half-way around the world in 10 days for $5.99 shipping cost thanks to the USPS and Hong Kong postal service. If I had elected to have it delivered by UPS it would have taken about as long and it would have cost $37.00 shipping. If the GOoPers succeed in killing the Postal Service I think it’s pretty clear that commerce as we know it would be all but killed off because I’m pretty sure that very few, if any, people will be willing to pay $37.00 to ship a product that’s only worth $34.00.

    • I used to order cigars from a Hong Kong dealer (where I could order by box date!) and I never waited as much as a week for a package. These days, I get books from Amazon UK from time to time. When they come via Royal Mail, I never have to wait more than eight days or so, often less. Those dang gummint types is ruinin’ the mail!

  18. All the private mail services (with the exception of FedEx, if I’ve paid enough) rely on the Post Office to complete delivery. They count on (and I hope pay) the quasi-government service to travel the last few difficult miles. Damned bunch of socialist private mail services.

    • I’m one bill short of not even needing the mail anymore.
      It’s the storage unit where my stuff is, they don’t take credit cards.
      I should have given it all away.
      I’ve arrived at my new environs, it’s incredibly beautiful, the weather is fantastic, and I’ve got 3 bars on my internet signal.

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