The Watering Hole – Saturday July 14th 2012 – Stupid Christian Tricks

You have to wonder about a Religion so insecure that it can’t stand even the existence of anyone who might think it invalid, and thus must be treated like perverts.

As a proud Atheist, I think we would be doing the children of the world a grave disservice if we didn’t teach them the ‘Dos and Don’ts’ of what to do when encountering a faux-Christian. We can begin with a couple of easy ones:


Be suspicious. It seems that often, some of the very people decrying someone else’s immorality are guilty of the same thing.


Believe anything they say about what the Bible says. There’s an extremely good chance they’re wrong.

Another handy tip for the little ones is to teach them some questions to have handy, in case someone comes knocking on their door asking if they’d like to hear about the Bible. I’ll begin the list here:

“In the garden of Eden, as Adam was naming the animals, what non-Latin name did he give the Tyrannosaurus Rex?”

BTW, as to the question, “Why are they always so sad?”, the answer is, “Because we’re surrounded by blissfully ignorant faux Christians!”

Hat tip to Jane & Zooey, who contributed greatly to the content of this post.
Thanks, Ladies.

This is our open thread. Have fun with the contest or talk about anything you like. Anything at all. Even the Bible. And if you do, I have a few questions for you. 🙂

UPDATE: Thanks to commenter Daniel below, we now have a source for this.

Daniel says they may be a parody. He may be right.

101 thoughts on “The Watering Hole – Saturday July 14th 2012 – Stupid Christian Tricks

  1. A few years ago, while working in the garden, Jehova’s Witnesses were tract thumping door to door, and wanted to share the ‘good news’ about christ. Relayed I was an atheist…one of the men stated he used to be an atheist until he found jesus. “Then I wouldn’t need to be looking for him, would I?” Huh? “If Jesus isn’t lost, because you found him, I don’t need to be looking for him, do I?”
    “Can we leave you with the Watch Tower?” — “NO”.

  2. Even Bain Capital gave a story that differs from Romney’s:

    It was hidden in plain sight as a Bain press release in July 1999. Here’s how it described Romney’s position at Bain when he says he had no responsibility whatever, despite remaining CEO, Chairman and Sole Owner as far as forms filed with SEC testify:

    Bain Capital CEO W. Mitt Romney, currently on a part-time leave of absence to head the Salt Lake City Olympic Committee for the 2002 Games said …

  3. I heard Judge Catherine Crier on Hartmann yesterday, and searched out this from twitter.

    Public service for Romney
    Published: Monday, Aug. 20 2001 3:00 p.m. MDT

    Mitt Romney won’t return to the business world after the 2002 Winter Games but instead will pursue public service, possibly elected office.

    Romney, who made the announcement Monday, declined to say whether he intends to seek office either in Utah or Massachusetts, where he was managing partner and CEO of Bain Capital. He said he would not return to the venture capital firm as originally planned.

  4. I must be insane as I am usually very optimistic and happy despite not going to church or following a religion. Having said that, I do respect other people’s right to choose to believe or not believe. It’s an individual’s choice. Forcing a religion on a person is an assault on their freedom. Voter ID laws are another assault on freedom. Forced vaginal probes and ultrasounds are an assault on freedom. Why are Republicans always attacking our freedoms?

    • “Forcing a religion on a person is an assault on their freedom.”

      Having been reading a ton about the “Church” of Scientology since Katie Holmes’ split from Tom Cruise, I wonder if this “church” knows this?

  5. You thought WalMart destroys local business?

    The Internet shopping behemoth is moving in next door:

    “Amazon has a new game. Now that it has agreed to collect sales taxes, the company can legally set up warehouses right inside some of the largest metropolitan areas in the nation. Why would it want to do that? Because Amazon’s new goal is to get stuff to you immediately—as soon as a few hours after you hit Buy. It’s hard to overstate how thoroughly this move will shake up the retail industry. Same-day delivery has long been the holy grail of Internet retailers, something that dozens of startups have tried and failed to accomplish. (Remember But Amazon is investing billions to make next-day delivery standard, and same-day delivery an option for lots of customers. If it can pull that off, the company will permanently alter how we shop. To put it more bluntly: Physical retailers will be hosed.”

    • Amazon is one of the customers of the company I work for. We get their orders electronically, and we’ve been told that in a couple of months, they’re adding about eight new distribution centers. I’m the one who has to set up our EDI system to ship to the new addresses. We already ship to five Amazon locations. I just hope I don’t have to add one for each state.

        • You would not believe what a pain in the ass it is to have Amazon as a customer. The requirements they have can be difficult to meet. The fact that there are so few human beings working for the company only makes things harder. They keep ordering things we don;t have, but there’s no one to talk to to tell them to stop.

          I work for PediFix and we do have some great-selling products on Amazon (see numbers 1 & 6):

          I’m responsible for doing the purchasing for our company to get those two products, and I’m still learning how to do it. (It’s a complicated process that involves multiple companies and a lot of coordination.) My boss, who used to handle that function, is not particularly happy with the way I do that job, not that he was expecially good at it, either. Having so much Amazon business may be “job security,” but I may not be the person holding that job.

          • It does sound complicated, but you should try coordinating ordering parts for an auto repair shop! Some stuff comes dealer-only, some stuff is OEM-supplier, but available cheaper than the dealer, and some is aftermarket, and you have to know what is good quality and what is crap. And that was just for a single-marque shop!

            I had to learn new machines when I hired back in where I am now. Also, since being back, I’m better at programming than when I left. You’re intelligent, so I expect you’ll be able to figure out how you need to proceed to get things down to a routine.

    • In the early 1990’s my MBA class in logistics studied a Harvard Business Review case that involved a distribution warehouse for Haines underwear. Wholesale lots of finished T-shirts and underwear were delivered to a warehouse in Jacksonville, FL where they were hand packed into retail packages and tagged with different tags for different customers. The case study involved a customer that had offered to pay an additional cost to have an additional tag on their products and to have larger packages (6 T-shirts instead of three). The new tag was a bar code and the customer was Walmart!

      We have certainly come a long way from the days of ….

    • And they couldn’t have done it without a liberal government helping to make it possible. A conservative government would have helped the banks and financial institutions hide their secrets.

    • Someday we humans will learn that bigger is not better. Any entity that is too big to fail has already failed. When just a handful of entities hold the fate of the entire world in their greedy hands, it is a disaster just waiting to happen. It is a historical fact with too many examples to list.

      Putting all your eggs in one basket is one of the dumbest things we keep doing, over and over again.

  6. Grover Norquist has now called #41 “a liar.” Pretty hard to defeat the other guys when you’re waging internecine battles.

  7. I’ve always felt sorry for JW’s, coming to your door and asking if you had found Jesus. Does he have Alzheimers and is out wandering around loose again? Did they check the pound? Seriously, how can they keep losing a god, for Chrissake.

    • I’m pretty sure that I told this story before, but: when Wayne and I were just renting half of this house, the other half was rented by a really nice girl, Pam, who had, I believe, just gotten divorced. Pam is a gun owner, and one day she happened to be cleaning it when the JW knocked on her door. She answered it with the gun still in her hand.

      I think our address is now permanently off the JW’s list.

    • “Have you found Jesus?”

      “No. did you try checking with the Catholic Church downtown? I think they might be able to help you.”

    • “Have you found Jesus?”

      “How long has he been lost? Have you filled out a missing persons report?”

    • “Have you found Jesus?”

      “You’re the third person to ask this week. It might help if you put out posters.”

    • “Have you found Jesus?”

      “Kinda short little guy? Long hair, beard, white robe, speaks Aramaic? Nope. Haven’t seen him.”

    • Have you found Jesus?

      I think you might find him hanging around down at the Catholic Church.


      Yeah, he lives around the corner but he pronounces his name Hey Zeus.

    • A friend of my dad’s saw that both the JWs and Mormons were canvassing his street. As each pair arrived at his house, he invited them to come back at 7. Both pairs arrived at the annointed hour, and he ushered them into the front room, where they quickly began debating each other on their own true versions of the word of God. My dad’s friend and his wife went to the back of the house, had dinner and watched TV. They came back to the front room at about 10 and told the still-arguing pairs that it was their bedtime and the group had to leave.

      They haven’t been approached by either group since.

      • I had some JW’s knock on my door one thanksgiving… I told them that I had to get my bird in the oven, but if they wanted to help me peel potatoes, they were welcome to come in…

  8. The stats on the heat wave:

    “[T]he last 12 months have been the hottest since recorded-keeping started in 1895, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). Average temperatures in the continental US for the month of June were a full 2 degrees above the average for the 20th century. … NOAA’s National Climatic Data Center says that the odds of this heat wave occurring randomly would be 1 in 1,594,323.|+The+Blue+Marble%29

  9. When we first moved to the farm neighbors actually brought vegetables. So I mistook two JWs for neighbors bearing goodies and let them in.They warned me that I’d better be ready for Jesus’s return and pointing at my two sons asked me how I felt about raising them in a scary world with all the nuclear weapons and stuff. I was working on a weapons launch system at the time. for LA class subs so I told that these weapons had enabled us to buy this great farm and we just loved the things. Both sons, 3 and 9, spoke right up and agreed with me. They left quickly and I don’t get visits either.

  10. I am going to post this at my blog with a few modifications and edits, and it won’t be an invitation to be an open thread. (I don’t have enough visitors to my blog to be posting open threads, nor am I trying to build it into one. I created it to post my silly songs and ideas.) But if any of you would like to carry over some of your suggestions, you are, of course, welcome to do so. The choice is yours. I’ll let you know when it’s posted there. Those who subscribe to my blog will know first. 😉

  11. As predicted, Mittens spent his night with the “librul media” either lying through his teeth or walking back a previous lie. It has become impossible to tell. The sad part is that a great many Americans are unable to understand that, when someone contradicts everything he/she has ever said, he/she was either lying when he/she made the original assertion or is now lying when said assertion is contradicted. There is no third choice but that seems to be impossible to explain to them. Perhaps that’s because those still disposed to vote for Mittens or any other GOoPer have had their minds befuddled by the myths of their childhood? They seem to be immune to any influence from the cause and effect universe inhabited by sane people.

      • I know that I shouldn’t be but I’m still amazed that the freaks manage to double down on the insanity at every turn. I honestly thought that they would bottom out about a year ago but they continue to rush off the cliff. Even a toddler throwing a tantrum eventually gets tired and takes a nap but the Reichwhiners just keep on going.

    • Ok. So you no longer need water or waste treatment. Nor do you need police or fire protection. Garbage pickup? Nope. Electricity? I don’t think so. Unlimited use of roads? Sorry. Hope you have a good well and that someone upstream hasn’t but nasty things in it. Oh, and access to the Internet and media is going to cost you. Do you have your own satellite dish?

  12. Critters, I have the shittiest wifi EVER. If a Sunday Roast doesn’t show up by 9 (PT), can someone throw one up for me?

    Thanks, y’all. 😐

  13. Bill Maher ‏@billmaher
    RNC chair:’We have to put end to Obama before he puts end to our way of life in America’. For tuff guys, Repubs sure piss their pants a lot

  14. It flies! It flies!! It flies!!!

    In fact; it flies very well indeed. I didn’t get to do much but feel it out a bit in the twilight but the beer tastes a little better.

  15. Sorry Queen Z nobody has coughed up a Sunday Roast. I would if I could, but I’m apparently 86ed, and…well…haven’t reached that level of trust…*sniff* It’s okay there are many here that write wonderfully…Somebody please put up a Sunday Roast! K?

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