The Watering Hole: Hump Day: Wednesday, August 15, 2012: Breaking Gnus: Romney’s VP Choice

“Tweeter tweets.”

Once again, Tweeter, The Zoo’s premier investivative journalist, is first on the scene and first with the news of Presumptive Presidential Candidate of the Republican Party, Mitt “Corporations are People” Romney’s Vice Presidential Pick.

Sources closest to the candidate revealed Halliburton was going to get the nod. It was a tough call, as the choice of potential running mates eventually narrowed down to just three: Academi, formerly Xe, formerly Blackwater; Bain Capital; and Halliburton.

Academi, a favorite with the gun crowd and evangelical christians, was felt to be a little too militaristic. Romney’s fears they might pull of a coup finally scratched the paramilitary force. It was also thought that with its frequent name-changes, it has lost its once-famous brand recognition. “People know and love Blackwater. But the meme at least since the days of Reagan have been to distrust Academia.” one source commented. In the end, it was decided to keep Academi on the side, perhaps reserving a cabinet post for the Corporation.

Bain Capital was Romney’s favorite going into the selection process. But backgrond checks revealed Corporate plans to leverage a buyout of the Executive Branch. Negotiations ensued regarding Romney’s golden parachute from the buyout, and whether he could enjoy his term to completion, then retroactively give up the Presidency to Bain Capital. Negotiations broke down, however, when Romney insisted he be given Rhode Island as part of his severance.

That left Halliburton. It is well-connected, has loads of foreign policy experience, and has an added plus of the backing of former VP Dick Cheney. The fact that it is now headquartered on foreign soil didn’t seem to bother the Presumptive Presidential Pick. “Lot’s of Americans live overseas. I don’t see why we should treat Halliburton any different than any other red-blooded American Patriot.” Romney was reported to say.

Unfortunately, just minutes before Romney was to make his historic announcement, Halliburton called and declined. “I took a long, hard look at the balance sheet, and untimately concluded that it wouldn’t be profitable, on a cost-benefit analysis, to be tied up for 4-8 years as VP.” Halliburton reportedly told Romney in a call to his cell phone just before he stepped on the stage to announce his pick. “I’m hoping to be named Secretary of Commerce.” Halliburton told reporters later.

Shaken by this last-minute turn of events, Romney approached the podium where he promptly introduced Paul Ryan as the next President of the United States. And, with that slip of the tongue, Paul Ryan became Mitt Romney’s VP Pick.


135 thoughts on “The Watering Hole: Hump Day: Wednesday, August 15, 2012: Breaking Gnus: Romney’s VP Choice

  1. Excellent, as always! Tweeter gets the drop on all things!

    “I’m hoping to be named Secretary of Commerce.” Halliburton told reporters later.

    Chances are good this will come to fruition should the Rs get the nod for the WH.

  2. Special ops group attacks Obama over bin Laden bragging, leaks

    Count how many times and ways they claim

    The OPSEC group says it is not political and aims to save American lives…
    In an interview, Taylor denied OPSEC had any political slant

    (also note the political affiliation of ‘the members’)

    • From the link:

      The president of Special Operations OPSEC Education Fund Inc, Scott Taylor, is a former Navy SEAL who in 2010 ran unsuccessfully for the Republican nomination for a congressional seat in Virginia.

      Fred Rustmann, a former undercover case officer for the CIA who is a spokesman for the group, insisted its focus on leaks was “not a partisan concern.” But he said the current administration had been leaking secrets “to help this guy get re-elected, at the expense of peoples’ lives…. We want to see that they don’t do this again.”

      Chad Kolton, a former spokesman for the office of Director of National Intelligence during the George W. Bush administration who now represents OPSEC, also said the group’s message and make-up are nonpolitical.

      They would have more credibility, in my eyes, had they formed this group in reaction to the outing of Valerie Plame. Or should I say, they would have credibiity, in my eyes…

      They weren’t concerned then when Cheney outed Plame, for political gain, destroying our undercover operation that kept an eye on loose nukes. Why now? Why release a video critical of the President, during a time of war, in key battleground states, if not for political purposes?

      The only logical conclusion is, we have a new Swift Boat group. In forming this group and in carrying out this mission to discredit a sitting president in a time of war these folks have dishonored the outfits they served in by their partisanship. Had they come out like this against President Bush, during a time of war, Republicans would have been calling them traitors.

      • “… during a time of war…” – sorry I object the this turn of phrase being in use to intimidate dissenters. What war? And why does being ‘at war’ mean that it is unpatriotic to offer dissent and criticism against the president? These people are not serving military so they can open their mouths however they want. This technique was used ad nauseam by Chimpy and his Organ Grinder from 2000-2008.

        Now, if they are full of shit and pretending to be something they are not, that’s another thing altogether.

    • As always, just a bunch of losers, former operatives that never moved up the chain of command and so one of the Super PACs offers these losers some money to make “swift-boat” mini movie. I’m glad that the Obama camp spoke out about this and called it like it is.

  3. Crooks and Liars has that Roflmao bumper sticker on their open thread, attributed to a Nicole Sandler post dated 8-13. Kay In Maine had ’em beat by two days. I wonder where she got it?

    Lawrence O’Donnell nails Paul Ryan’s bad political romance. And then he closed with Andy Borowitz.

  4. On Chris Matthews, starting about 9:30 on this clip, they are discussing Romney ‘losing his energy’. Romney stands in front of Ohio coal miners giving a speech, sounding exhausted, and says, at 10:24, ‘if I’m President…’. You always say when.

    He’s physically running out of gas in this campaign. He’s 65 years old. He may not make it to November. Ann Coulter said if they didn’t nominate Chris Christie, Romney would get it, and they would lose. Chris Christie wouldn’t be able to handle the physical stress of a national campaign either. New Jersey, sure, as it’s a small state and easy enough to cover, running for governor, and Christie knew his limitations.

  5. Usually, Michael Steele and Susan Del Percio irritate the crap out of me with talking points, but they are so flabbergasted by the Ryan pick they can’t stay on message. I can stand to listen to them now because they can’t defend their ticket anymore.

  6. Maureen Dowd in the NYT today fisks Paul Ryan:

    “Ryan was drawn to Rand’s novels, with their rejection of “the altruist morality,” making narcissism a social virtue; her exhortation that man must not only strive for “physical values” — her heroes were hot — and self-made wealth, but a “self-made soul.” Like John Galt, who traces a dollar sign “over the desolate earth” at the end of “Atlas Shrugged,” Rand idolized the dollar. She wore a brooch shaped like a dollar sign, and a 6-foot dollar sign stood beside her coffin at her wake.”

    • And the media plays the lazy false equivalence game again – “Unproductive Congess”

      Its specifically the Republicans in the lower house and the filibustering Republicans in the upper house. But hey, Soledad O’Brien was almost a journalist yesterday ….. back to sleep everyone….

      • I was ready to send her a dozen roses and/or a marriage proposal but I’ll wait to see if she sticks with it. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if her boss informs her that it’s unacceptable to tell a creep like Sununu “that’s just not true”. My jaw was on the floor when I heard that bit.

  7. “Are you running on [Ryan’s] budget or on your budget?” CBS News’ Anthony Mason asked the candidate on Wednesday.

    “My budget, of course,” said Romney. “I’m the one running for president.”

    Just keep repeating that Mitt and you may convince yourself some day.

  8. Poor widdle Mittens…

    The president’s campaign has put out a campaign that’s talking about me and attacking me. I think it’s just demeaning to the nature of the process, particularly when we face the kinds of challenges we face.

    Waaahhhhhhh!!! It all started when the mean President hit me back!! 😥

  9. “We have been very transparent to what’s legally required of us,” Romney told reporter Natalie Morales, according to excerpts from NBC News. “There’s going to be no more tax releases given.”

    “There’s going to be no more tax releases given.” Who talks this way, besides Palin, I mean. Is this some sort of dressage-drivelspeak?

  10. The good ol’ “librul media”. I find it maddening that they don’t even mention that GOoPers have cut over a million government jobs but at least the story mentions that government spending increased more under other presidents coming out of a recession including Saint Ronnie. Of course, that won’t prevent the screechers simply lying about Obama “increasing government spending more than every previous president combined”. No mention of the least productive Congress in history or the unprecedented obstruction in the Senate either.

  11. Paul Waldman thinks Romney’s laugh will come to personify him:

    “Some public figures get defined by a single image, or a single statement (“Ask not what your country can do for you”; “I am not a crook”). Others have a characteristic linguistic tic or hand gesture that through repetition come to embody them….

    For Mitt Romney, it’s the laugh. I’m sure that at times Romney laughs with genuine mirth, but you know the laugh I’m talking about. It’s the one he delivers when he gets asked a question he doesn’t want to answer, or is confronted with a demand to explain a flip-flop or a lie. It’s the phoniest laugh in the world, the one New York Times reporter Ashley Parker wrote “sounds like someone stating the sounds of laughter, a staccato ‘Ha. Ha. Ha.’ ”

  12. QOTD (try not to hurt your eyes when rolling them):

    “Todd Palin started his mission with a splash, dropping into the water from a helicopter. As one man – Dolvett Quince – nearly drowned – unable to swim weighed down with over 70 lbs of gear – and was rescued, Palin immediately focused on saving the mission and treated viewers to nearly 12 minutes of valor, leadership, courage under fire, adapting, improvising and overcoming.

    Once ashore, Palin took out the guard shack with an FN Herstal MK 13 EGLM 40 mm Grenade Launcher affixed to his FN Herstal SCAR MK 16 LB. Then with the SCAR 16, he took out six targets, most on the first shot. He slid under low barbed wire as easily as he crawls on his living room floor with Trig – as shots crisscrossed over his head and explosions went off all around him.
    US 4 Palin’s review of Todd’s performance on Stars Earn Stripes

  13. Aw crap! A teabagging fundy nutter has advanced to the general election for a seat in the Minnesota Supreme Court. The guy can’t go two sentences without blabbering about “God’s sovereignty over government”.

    “I believe that justice is served when judges fear God and love the people, and as a Minnesota Supreme Court justice I will be impartial to the parties, while partial to the original intent of the Constitution.”

    Needless to say; he believes that the “original intent of the Constitution” is theocracy.

      • If I could figure that one out I would be elected Supreme Dictator of the Universe with 100% of the vote.

        On a more positive note: Batscat Bachmann’s opponent has a load of money and isn’t afraid to call her “crazy” and “liar”. I’m also encouraged that there’s no third party challenger to split the opposition vote. It will still be hard to outnumber her brain dead worshipers but it’s probably the best chance we’ve had.

      • “God – you sent your tornado through that trailer park!!! What should I do? Should I sacrifice a virgin child? Or should I just pass legislation outlawing any kind of birth control? Tell me what to do God! I’m frightened!!”

  14. Scott Taylor now:
    “In an interview, Taylor denied OPSEC had any political slant”

    Scott Taylor a month ago:
    “If you’re driving, tune into WHKT 1650AM to the John Frederick’s Show. I’ll be interviewed at 8:15AM as a surrogate for the Mitt Romney campaign. We’ll be discussing Veteran’s unemployment.”


  15. The newest addition to my paint job is dry. I was getting some cracks in the center section of the wing so I applied a little fiberglass. Plus, any bit of bright color that I add helps out my old eyes.

  16. It sounds like FAUX”News” has proclaimed that the guy who shot a security guard at the Family Research Council is a “left-wing terrorist” while, in the same show, calling the guy in Wisconsin a “lone gunman”.

    • Liberals are all crazed and violent, dummy. Charles Johnson has a post about the Fox Nation bigots responding in their usual manner (and CJ saves the rest of us from having to actually read through the comments). The RWNJs are once again claiming that an Obama defeat will trigger mass riots among the coloreds and the homos (Obama supporters, all of us, will be stealing television sets, of course). The massive stupidity of these people continues to astonish me. Are they able to dress themselves?

  17. Ryan’s Medicare program has vouchers which some on the left say should be called coupons.

    Palin used “death panels. I say Democrats need to call the vouchers what they are, coffin nails.

  18. QOTD II:

    “Holder’s non-decision on Goldman{Sachs} is more than unsurprising. It amounts to an official announcement that the government is no longer in the business of prosecuting smart criminals. It’s pathetic. The one thing you pay any lawyer to have is balls, and our nation’s top attorney has none.” — Matt Taibbi

    • The weakest link in the President’s entire policy is the lack of drive to prosecute. War crimes are obvious. Bank crimes as well. I can almost give a by on first term prosecution of war crimes. I will never forgive him for his treatment of Wall Street.

      • No pass from me on either – for the lack of prosecution of war crimes, torture, detention without trial and warrantless surveillance …. added to his extra-judicial killing of American citizens …. Obama has helped cement by precedence fascism in this country.

        No pass on Wall Street. No prosecutions, no accountability and not even more than a token attempt to bar the door afterwards.

        But the other tool … Jesus H Christ ….

    • Matt Taibbi has stones…..

      Eric Holder has spent 4 years ‘lying in state’ at the AGs office. And you thought Alberto ‘Torquemada’ Gonzales was the nadir….

  19. The saddest thing I’ve read today:

    The 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill, the worst until Deepwater Horizon in 2010, is still killing sea otters today.

    • I wonder who touched his food before it got to the store. Seriously, if this is “against his creed” he should just survive on his own bodily wastes and toenail clippings.

    • That’s right, the nig-nogs shouldn’t be in the supermarkets, they should be tied to the back of truck helping to drag the roads ….. /pillow case off

    • Mr Mustaine went on to allege that Barack Obama was also seen hanging about Charlton Heston’s graveyard with a lantern and a shovel ….

      • I’ve said it before, and now again. The quality of street drugs available to bands has slipped tremendously since the 1960’s. Tweekers all.

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