Tweeter, The Zoo’s premier investigative journalist, has been following Invisible Obama on the campaign trail. This morning, the transparent candidate gave a brief press conference outside a Denny’s in Chicago.
“I take full credit for the statement made by the Egyptian Embassy.” Invisible Obama began. “I knew ahead of time, that I must apologize to the entire Muslim community for their attacks on our Embassies.” The crowd in this largely Jewish neighborhood shuffled uneasily.
“See, this happens every time some lame-brained American insults the Muslim Faith, whether its with a cartoon, burning the Koran, or, in this case a U-Tube video. Being a Muslim myself, I can appreciate how this enrages people like me, who then go out and kill Americans. They really have no control over their actions, and we must apologize to them for hurting their feelings.”
Invisible Obama then opened the conference for questions from the press. Tweeter, once again being the only member of the press present, asked, “Invisible Obama, how did you know, before the attacks even happened, to release that statement from the Egyptian Embassy? Didn’t you know it would be campaign fodder for Mitt Romney?”
“Of course I knew Mitt would seize upon the release and break his promise to not do any political attacks on the 11th Anniversary of 9/11. But you have to remember, I’m a creation of the Republican imagination and I’m supposed to go out and do things that Republicans can then criticize.” Invisible Obama explained. “Now, as to how I knew ahead of time, well, actually, I didn’t. I knew after the fact that I had to apologize before the fact, so that the fact that I apologized before the fact could be used after the fact to make it appear that I, in fact, apologized after the fact. And that’s a fact.”
“Kind of like Romney retiring retroactively?” Tweeter asked.