Tweeter, The Zoo’s top investigative journalist, caught up with Invisible Obama and Invisible Dirty Harry in the high desert of the south western part of the United States as they prepared for the upcoming debates.
As luck would have it, Tweeter arrived just in time to watch as Clint Eastwood joined the two for a rare photo op. After posing for several photos, Clint retired back to Carmel where he could reminisce about his days as Mayor of the enclave-for-the-wealthy-by-the-sea. Invisible Obama and Invisible Dirty Harry escaped from the blistering desert heat high above one of LA’s busiest freeways to sit in air conditioned conditioned comfort as they exchanged barbs. IO: Can we agree to be reasonable in our disussions of what is best for this country?
IDH: I tried being reasonable, but I didn’t like it. Extremism is so easy. You’ve got your position, and that’s it. It doesn’t take much thought.
Tweeter: Let’s talk about gun control. Invisible Dirty Harry, I know that’s a topic near and dear to your heart.
IDH: I have a very strict gun control policy: if there’s a gun around, I want to be in control of it.
IO: I want to take people’s guns away. In fact, one of my greatest failures was my inability to capitalize on the shooting of Rep. Giffords to get legislation passed overturning the Second Amendment. Sales of guns and ammo have skyrocketed during my administration.
Tweeter: What about the shooting of Rep. Giffords, and the the theater shooting? Shouldn’t we do something to make it more difficult for one unbalanced individual to shoot several innocent people?
IDH: Nothing wrong with shooting…as long as the right people get shot.
IO: Are you saying it was right to shoot Rep. Giffords?
IDH: Nag, nag, nag.
Tweeter: How do you feel about marriage equality?
IO: I support the rights of people of the same gender to get married.
IDH: There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.
Tweeter: So…if the only way to have a happy marriage is to marry someone of your same gender, would you get married again?
IDH: Ok, you did two things wrong. One is you asked a question, and two is, you asked another question.
As Invisible Dirty Harry reached inside his suit coat again, Tweeter quickly changed topics.
Tweeter: You made the movie “Flags of our Fathers”, about the American’s on Iwo Jima. What’s your stand on foreign policy?
IDH: This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.
Tweeter: I thought it cost over $50 million?
IDH: Nag, nag, nag.
IO: I believe we should apologize to our enemies and hope they won’t do anything bad to us.
IDH: A man’s got to know his limitations.
IO: Are you saying I’m weak?
IDH: You’re a legend in your own mind.
IO: I am the first black President.
IDH: Well that’s just swell.
Tweeter: What about the birther controvery?
IO: There is no controversy. I was born and raised a Muslim in Kenya, but I got the courts to buy into my fake Hawaiian birth certificate.
IDH: I’m an American. I don’t even know why the hell I’m here.
Invisible Obama chuckled.
IDH: I don’t think it’s nice, you laughin’.
With that, Invisible Dirty Harry pulled out his 44 magnum.
IDH: Make my day.
No sooner did Invisible Dirty Harry point the gun at Invisible Obama, two invisible Secret Service Agents swarmed him.
Tweeter: How long have you had a Secret Service detail?
IO: Ever since Clint Eastwood put me in the limelight at the Republican Convention. Until then, I pretty much lived in the shadows.
As Invisible Dirty Harry was being dragged out of the building, he shouted, “Am I being paranoid, or is he busting my balls?”
“Where are you off to next?” Tweeter asked the invisible candidate.
“I may head to an in vitro clinic. I hear there’s a voter registration drive being kicked off in anticipation of giving zygotes full personhood status.”
THIS IS OUR OPEN THREAD.
GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY!