The Watering Hole: Wednesday, September 19, 2012: On the Campaign Trail With Invisible Obama

From Left to Right: Invisible Obama, Clint Eastwood & Invisible Dirty Harry

Tweeter, The Zoo’s top investigative journalist, caught up with Invisible Obama and Invisible Dirty Harry in the high desert of the south western part of the United States as they prepared for the upcoming debates.


As luck would have it, Tweeter arrived just in time to watch as Clint Eastwood joined the two for a rare photo op. After posing for several photos, Clint retired back to Carmel where he could reminisce about his days as Mayor of the enclave-for-the-wealthy-by-the-sea. Invisible Obama and Invisible Dirty Harry escaped from the blistering desert heat high above one of LA’s busiest freeways to sit in air conditioned conditioned comfort as they exchanged barbs.

Invisible Obama

IO: Can we agree to be reasonable in our disussions of what is best for this country?

IDH: I tried being reasonable, but I didn’t like it. Extremism is so easy. You’ve got your position, and that’s it. It doesn’t take much thought.

Tweeter: Let’s talk about gun control. Invisible Dirty Harry, I know that’s a topic near and dear to your heart.

IDH: I have a very strict gun control policy: if there’s a gun around, I want to be in control of it.

IO: I want to take people’s guns away. In fact, one of my greatest failures was my inability to capitalize on the shooting of Rep. Giffords to get legislation passed overturning the Second Amendment. Sales of guns and ammo have skyrocketed during my administration.

Tweeter: What about the shooting of Rep. Giffords, and the the theater shooting? Shouldn’t we do something to make it more difficult for one unbalanced individual to shoot several innocent people?

IDH: Nothing wrong with shooting…as long as the right people get shot.

IO: Are you saying it was right to shoot Rep. Giffords?

IDH: Nag, nag, nag.

Invisible Dirty Harry

As Invisible Dirty Harry started to reach for his shoulder holster, Tweeter decided to change subjects.

Tweeter: How do you feel about marriage equality?

IO: I support the rights of people of the same gender to get married.

IDH: There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.

Tweeter: So…if the only way to have a happy marriage is to marry someone of your same gender, would you get married again?

IDH: Ok, you did two things wrong. One is you asked a question, and two is, you asked another question.

As Invisible Dirty Harry reached inside his suit coat again, Tweeter quickly changed topics.

Tweeter: You made the movie “Flags of our Fathers”, about the American’s on Iwo Jima. What’s your stand on foreign policy?

IDH: This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.

Tweeter: I thought it cost over $50 million?

IDH: Nag, nag, nag.

IO: I believe we should apologize to our enemies and hope they won’t do anything bad to us.

IDH: A man’s got to know his limitations.

IO: Are you saying I’m weak?

IDH: You’re a legend in your own mind.

IO: I am the first black President.

IDH: Well that’s just swell.

Tweeter: What about the birther controvery?

IO: There is no controversy. I was born and raised a Muslim in Kenya, but I got the courts to buy into my fake Hawaiian birth certificate.

IDH: I’m an American. I don’t even know why the hell I’m here.

Invisible Obama chuckled.

IDH: I don’t think it’s nice, you laughin’.

With that, Invisible Dirty Harry pulled out his 44 magnum.

IDH: Make my day.

No sooner did Invisible Dirty Harry point the gun at Invisible Obama, two invisible Secret Service Agents swarmed him.

Tweeter: How long have you had a Secret Service detail?

IO: Ever since Clint Eastwood put me in the limelight at the Republican Convention. Until then, I pretty much lived in the shadows.

As Invisible Dirty Harry was being dragged out of the building, he shouted, “Am I being paranoid, or is he busting my balls?”

“Where are you off to next?” Tweeter asked the invisible candidate.

“I may head to an in vitro clinic. I hear there’s a voter registration drive being kicked off in anticipation of giving zygotes full personhood status.”


Bonus video:

219 thoughts on “The Watering Hole: Wednesday, September 19, 2012: On the Campaign Trail With Invisible Obama

  1. Well? It didn’t take long for this theologian to go with the “it’s just an old piece of paper” defense despite the fact that his entire existence is built around similar old pieces of paper. These people really have no sense of irony.

    Jim West, a professor and Baptist pastor in Tennessee, said: “A statement on a papyrus fragment isn’t proof of anything. It’s nothing more than a statement ‘in thin air’, without substantial context.”

  2. Aaaarrrrg!
    Avast there you scurvy deck dogs and land lubbers.
    Today be “International Talk Like a Pirate Day”.
    Swab the decks or you’ll be keel hauled and swung from the mizzen mast.
    Be about your duties or a vist to Davy Jones Locker awaits those who don’t heed the Captains words.

    • Alas, WillardRat’s campaign, we hardly knew ye, nor your candidate, nor his tax returns, nor his plans for the nation.
      Hmmm. mayhaps something causal there.

  3. When we were canvassing on Saturday, one of the “others” stated that he didn’t support Obama because of “guns”. He believes that Obama is going to take his guns away. Even after we explained that it was a lie, he still clung to his beliefs. It’s strange how people love living in a fantasy world.

  4. Great Invisible debate!
    I, along with our President, still love Clint Eastwood. As an actor and director he’s among the best.
    As a shill for the 1%, he’s out of his league. No curveball left. Washed up, like spake above, a Charlatan Heston wannabe.

    • I joked about creating a conspiracy theory that the whole Libya thing was a Karl Rove operation gone awry, but who knows? Maybe not KKK Karl, but someone… the right was awfully quick to jump on it and make all kinds of references to Carter…


    Ashbel Green, an editor whose authors included Walter Cronkite, Vaclav Havel and President George H.W. Bush, has died. He was 84.

  6. QOTD:

    “A flustered [Romney] adviser, describing the mood, said that the campaign was turning into a {vulgar, unprintable phrase.}” — Michael Barbaro in the NYT

    Clusterfuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck. Willard hasn’t bottomed out yet.

  7. If I were George W. Bush, the exiled one, I’d be very tempted to put a big ad in conservative papers and online sites:


    • +1000. And meanwhile, they still build their settlements on land they took and occupy in violation of several UN resolutions and the charter that gave birth to Israel in the first place.

      Questions Mitt Romney has already answered in his Boca Raton Manifesto:
      “if Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, what should Israel do with the 300,000 Palestinians in East Jerusalem who live there? “

  8. It’s actually a bit sickening. All of these VIPs are criticizing Mittens but none of them will make the next step and endorse President Obama. All that they care about is that Mittens is reflecting poorly on them. What they are really saying is “I look like an idiot for endorsing Mittens”. Come to think of it; it’s a lot sickening.

    • Suprising, because Il Duce, the drug-addled fat boy on the radio has told the brownshirts to embrace it as the truth they’ve all wanted to shout for years and now Mittens is displaying his spine by actually saying it.

      This meme of half the nation being spongers has been promulgated for years by the RWNJs….

      Rudepundit seems to be actually amazed that Erick ‘rape-eyed dough-face’ Erickson is actually trying to defend it – sort of ‘the 47% is right, its just not the 47% who don’t pay tax’….

      So not only are the Teabaggers running against #invisible_obama, they are also running against #invisible_sponger

    • if Mitt really wants to get in touch with his inner Mexican, I think he’ll find that it’s not all churros and chocolate or pinatas and pan dulce. You see — and you might find this hard to believe, Mitt — but there is still a lot of discrimination in this country against Latinos as whites hunker down and try to hold on to what they have in the face of changing demographics.

      An excellent point:

      Is Romney able to fix what’s broken with America? Or are people like Mitt Romney what’s broken with America?

  9. Now, The Two-Minuters

    One to two minutes of Romney’s fundraiser remarks are missing from the recording released by Mother Jones, apparently due to a technical problem with the recording device. Cue the conspiracies:

    “T]he omission, first flagged by Glenn Beck’s The Blaze, is already causing some controversy on the right. The conservative blog Legal Insurrection sought Corn’s explanation and Joel Pollak, editor-in-chief of, accused Mother Jones of breaking its promise to release the full video. “There is new reason to suspect manipulation,” Pollak writes. “Mother Jones’s entire story now deserves to be treated with suspicion, if not contempt.” ‘

    The Twitteratti are having a field day speculating on what happened during those two minutes:

    Sean Geary Higgins @SeanGHiggins
    “Clint Eastwood has agreed to speak at the convention, so I think we’re home free.” #missing2min

    Jesse Berney @jesseberney

    And my favorite:

    Sam Seaborn @SamSeaborn
    @anamariecox Paul Ryan runs a mile #missing2min

    • That’s really pandering to the lowest common denominator in your base audience. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel to give yourself a righteous feeling.

      • Afterward, he won’t discuss the interviewee because he/she isn’t there to defend themselves. So the only reason he could possibly be talking to these bozos is to make himself look like the adult in the room.

    • It is frustrating(?) but I think I see the reasoning. It forestalls claims of “unfair bias in picking guests”. It gives the casual listener an opportunity to hear what the wingnuts are saying. And it shows the glaring difference between Thom and the wingnut radio hosts who usually just shout down anyone who disagrees with them in any way.

    • From the I’ve Never Quite Figgered It Out Department:

      Lessee: Spending three or four trillion borrowed bucks over, say, ten years on a stupid war or two (or three) is no problem, but the costs of taking care of the vets in the aftermath is unaffordable. Esp. if we’re gonna do what we GOTTA do and cut the shit out of the tax “burden” on the rich.

      Uh huh, ok, I think I get it. Stupid might be hard to deal with, but at least it’s easy to spot.

      • In the “War of Northern Aggression” (/banjoes off), you could buy your way out of the draft in both armies I think.

        Since the rich aren’t sending their kids anymore (what was it Mitt said – they had all decided to help elect their father president as their ‘service’ to the nation???), we could reinstitute that – no kids going to to war? Fine – here’s your tax bill to help pay for vets care and rehab into society.

  10. PEW: An Eight Point Lead For Obama

    Money quote:

    “Obama holds a bigger September lead than the last three candidates who went on to win in November, including Obama four years ago. In elections since 1988, only Bill Clinton, in 1992 and 1996, entered the fall with a larger advantage.

    Not only does Obama enjoy a substantial lead in the horserace, he tops Romney on a number of key dimensions. His support is stronger than his rival’s, and is positive rather than negative. Mitt Romney’s backers are more ardent than they were pre-convention, but are still not as enthusiastic as Obama’s. Roughly half of Romney’s supporters say they are voting against Obama rather than for the Republican nominee. With the exception of Bill Clinton in 1992, candidates lacking mostly positive backing have lost in November.”

  11. a post from AlJazeera:

    ~”it would be funny if someone in the middle east demostrations had some humor and made a sign reading:

    “Death to America! Romney for USA president!”~

  12. Amazing tornado of fire caught on video

    The tornadoes that we know are created by storm systems, but in Australia’s Outback, months of dry conditions and old-growth brush can team up to produce rotating columns of fire with a similar look.

    • I saw that earlier in the week. Many years ago, I drove with my cousin across Western Australia – I can remember seeing countless dust devils in the 45C+ desert…. and driving right through a dustdevil at one point. Truly awesome experience

  13. Batscat Bachmann’s opponent, Jim Graves, has released his first two ads. WTF? Is he so broke that he couldn’t afford to place ads the moment he got the nomination? Anyway; one of the ads is pretty good at pointing out that Ms. Bachmann has been largely an absentee Representative but the other one is, I think, a big mistake. He should not be trying to show how much he’s like Bachmann; he should be telling us how different (i.e. sane) he is. I’m getting a bad feeling about this.

    • Forecast Today for
      petelngh, what’s with the High being lower than the current temp?
      Is this how MN rolls?///

      Now 72ºF
      High 69ºF
      Low 53ºF

      • I see that often enough here, especially in the summer. It just means their prediction was wrong; I’ve never seen the NWS change a prediction on the day, regardless of how things turned out. Ditto the predictions about weather conditions. “Hey, dummy, look out the window!” Except their window is in Kansas or something.

  14. What the hell is up with alleged fellow Dems/libs/progs who go around various sites playing hall monitor regarding the comments of others? Srsly, I don’t need some assholierthanthou scold telling me “we need to above this sort of thing.” Obviously I’m not, but I’m not telling them how to comment.


  15. I think it is absolutely hilarious that the party of lockstep unity, the people who brought us Rove and Luntz, the dark masters of dirty politics are starting to say “We picked an idiot…again!”

  16. Meanwhile….

    Things have been heating up between China and Japan, if you hadn’t noticed. Military Coast Guard patrols from both countries are coming dangerously close to conflict. The internet has given the Chinese public unprecedented access to information and the tools to instantly spread commentary, so to try and tamp down the fever pitch comes a directive from China’s propaganda bureau urging censorship of discussion about … the Louisiana Purchase.

    Wait, what?

      • The 2040 models will come with external airbags, in case one gets caught in a flood. They will only come in white or metallic silver because of the increase in solar radiation, and will be programmed to navigate straight to McDonalds for breakfast and lunch, with the option of Chuckee Cheese if you can prove you have children under the age of 10.
        Drivers licenses will be obsolete of course, replaced by the computer chip in your left nostril.

  17. More attempted damage control from Mittens’ campaign. Despite him clearly stating that he intends to “kick down the road” any attempt at a two state solution the campaign is now saying that it’s just an “attack” from the Obama campaign. We have the video. We win!

    I might be missing something but I would stack President Obama’s policies for Mideast peace up against any president since Carter. He actually ended a freakin’ occupation fer cripe’s sake! I guess that his wise decision to maintain a hands off posture with the “Arab Spring” and the ongoing crisis in Syria are seen as negatives by the bloodthirsty but, in my opinion, it’s the only smart move.

  18. Tis truly sad. If I had a choice between being a pirate and a Republican there would be no choice. A pirate lives life lustily, embracing the seas and bending a knee to no man. A Republican can scarce find a life without accepting coin from someone who has the wit to find the coin. A pirate will accept coin, providing it has proven worth.

    And the truly interesting part is a Democrat can’t help but wonder which of the two is the bigger fool. The one who accepts the coin for profit and laughs or the one who accepts the coin and is grateful.

    • ok, I’ll confess. I’m in book 4 of the Game of Throne series. I am also a weirdo who who can see the such medieval ideas and my appreciation of talk like a pirate day is more than just silly fun. Well mostly it is silly fun but…

      • And when the coin lands, what is the meaning? Does the clink on the stone hold a true meaning? Does the end of the spin mean something else? And what does the next toss mean?

      • Like showing up for work with a serious hangover.
        I’ve been a good boy, but it’s all over now and winding down.
        I’ll be out of here in a week, I’ve done good, but it’s time to see just how many micro brews I can consume and still make it in to the office.

    • I pinch and stretch my coins till I start to see a surplus and then make the first impulse buy that catches my eye. I just pulled the trigger on an RC P-38 Lightning. No beer next month.

      • -chuckle-
        I am now totally outfitted, after numerous twitches of the keyboard konsumerism affliction; to survive all manner of wind, waves and tide, simply for the sake of taking pictures underwater.
        No girlfriend this winter…

  19. When exactly is election day, anyways?
    I’m trying to coordinate airfare, rental truck reservation, personal possession retrieval, goodies left in a hole in the rock, and voting.



      • A tax increase of 3 freaking % from 36 – 39 nets an additional 51 billion dollars.
        How many teachers, fire fighters, cops would that hire? How many miles of highway could be repaired/repaved? How many bridges could be reinforced?
        What the hell would the .0001% DO with that money besides add it to their Scrooge McDuck money vault.

        • They don’t care.
          Imagine their surprise when there’s nobody left, or willing, to clean the pools, pick the tomatoes and change the linens.
          Not to mention nobody at the drive up window…

            • Never mind that – what will they do when there’s no one to pick the Pinot Noir or Pinot Blanc?
              Import – of course!

            • Regarding the coin toss Raven. True knowledge is in the shadows; between the clink and clunk of the landing coin is where the knowledge dwells; between the flip and turn of the coin in the air, while it makes a hole in the sky during its flight, is where knowledge resides in its solitary certitude. It’s the intent of our action that fuels the knowlege to exhibit itself to those that can see. The photographer, Minor White once wrote, “No matter how slow the film, Spirit always stands still long enough for the photographer IT has chosen.”

    • Was out doing a ‘drive-by’/bed check of Peregrine roosts!
      There’s ambient light that assists looking: one bird likes to roost on either the Marriott or the Hilton.
      A different falcon – roosts on a horizontal pipe of a water tower!
      Still two others share a building! One east side the other generally west!

      On another building several miles away – a Red Tailed Hawk roosts on a west side window sill while a Peregrine finds a corner on the south wall.

        • Wait… “one bird likes to roost on either the Marriott or the Hilton.” One has better room service? He’s skipping on the bill?

          • Perhaps that’s it!
            The falcon prefers the Marriott – however they’ve started lighting the spot she likes to roost on…so “Clara” will fly across the way to the “H” on the Hilton.

            • Should mention that most security guards don’t know there are peregrines on their buildings until it get pointed.
              “How’d you know they were there?”…

            • You cannot trust an actress. Wants the limelight, flaps her wings, and settles on the “H” in Hilton. Oh Yeah.

            • Well there’s a teaching moment for the Security Guards. Might lighten there plight at minimum wage hours of toil.

            • Once the bird is pointed out – It does soften the guards demeanor…
              most will actually give us a report if they’ve seem a peregrine under the cover of darkness.

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