Tweeter, The Zoo’s premier investigave journalist, has been following Invisible Obama around the country as he continues his campaign. Today he found the transparent candidate speaking in front of an Alamo car rental in San Antonio.
“We must all remember The Alamo” Invisible Obama spoke, “where Americans from all across the country banded together to fight an army of illegal immigrants from Mexico determined to come into this great country to take jobs away from the African-American slaves in the deep south.”
When someone from the gathering crowd pointed out that the battle of The Alamo was to free Texas, Invisible Obama explained, “I know that, but what can I say? The Republicans who invented me don’t exactly have the greatest grasp on history, and I say whatever they want me to say so they can then attack President Obama.”
“Is that why you’re speaking in front of a rental car place instead of the real Alamo?” Tweeter asked.
“Exactly.” Invisible Obama explained.
Chair lynchings in Texas and Virgina demonstrate voter outrage over the Invisible Obama campaign.
When asked about the recent spate of chair lynchings, the transparent candidate paused for a moment of silence. “It is most unfortunate that some people choose to take their displeasure of me out on innocent chairs. While I defend their right to political speech, no matter how offensive, I believe we must not forget the real victims here. I mean, folding chairs? They have picked on the weakest amongst us, those who, when pressed, are unable to stand on their own four feet, and strung them up from the highest tree. To me, the individuals who hung those chairs are no better than someone who destroys a step-stool.”
“I have something I’d like to say about that.” The crowd parted as Invisible Dirty Harry approached the podium. “Now, frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass about people that go around lynchin’ chairs. These clowns must not have seen High Plains Drifter. If they had, they’da known better than to just go and lynch the first chair they see.”
“You’re never going to change the mind of 47% of the people when it comes to chairs.” A voice from the back called out.
“Well, if it isn’t Mister Etch a Sketch Himself.” replied Invisible Dirty Harry. “You still all shook up about me taking away your limelight at the Convention?”
“You bet I am!” stormed Invisible Mitt. “Do you know how hard I work at saying things that will get me the national attention I deserve?”
Invisible Dirty Harry looked down on Invisible Mitt. “I know what you’re thinkin’…did I tell five jokes, or was it six. You know, in all the excitement, I lost count. Do I have another one-liner in me? Well, do I? Ya feelin’ lucky, punk?”
Invisible Mitt began to shake.
“I…I…I… don’t know what to say.”
“Yeah,” replied Invisible Dirty Harry, “and you’ve been not sayin’ it for months now. C’mon, make my day.”
Invisible Obama interrupted the pair. “I’d like to thank everybody for coming out to this press conference. You all can catch up with me next on the Colbert Report. I’ll be there, sitting in the guest’s chair until the regularly scheduled guest arrives.”