Open Letter to the 53%

Dear 53%,

Congratulations. You are the rugged, self-made enterpreneurs who made it to where you are without accepting any goverment handouts. You built everything yourself. You pay taxes that support the 47% do-nothings, and have yet to receive anything from the government.

Or do you?

What if we privatize the national highway system? That way, your taxes wouldn’t go to build and maintain roads you don’t use. Of course, you would have to pay tolls for every road you do use, whether you’re personally driving on them, or the goods you buy are trucked on them.

Next, we can eliminate the Small Business Association. Privatize all small business loans, and, at the same time, let’s eliminate those pesky regulations against monopolies. How many businesses shut down in your town when WalMart moved in?

Eliminating food stamps is a must. That saves $30 billion of your tax dollars. Of course, that means 1 in 7 households must either cut back on what they eat, or cut back on what the spend on other things, to the tune of $30 billion. So, about $30 billion what was getting spent on non-food items will now go to agri-business, instead of your business. Oh, and speaking of agri-business, can we also get rid of their subsidies? Yes, milk, meat and grains will cost more, but you don’t want to benefit, even indirectly, from government handouts, do you?

And speaking of government subsidies, let’s eliminate them across the board. Pay more at the pump? Who cares? Shut down research and development by the drug companies? So what? It is more important that you, the 53% remain untainted by any help from the government.

So, congratulations, 53%. You built it all by yourselves. You never received any help from the government at all. That’s why you can be swayed to support Romney – you want to make sure that those behind you won’t receive the same kind of help you didn’t get.


One of the 47%.

(The views expressed in this letter are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Zoo.)


12 thoughts on “Open Letter to the 53%

  1. Spot on! The 53% never took a dime…well, they did take billions in infrastructure, but they never actually asked the gummint to build those roads and bridges…!

  2. My standard response to fuckwits who start in on taxes, big government, onanism…er, “I did it all on my own” blah blah blah, is “Stay off my roads.”

    It doesn’t change their minds, but it shuts ’em up until I can get out of the room.

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