A startling new study released this past weekend went largly unnoticed, overshadowed, as it were, by Sarah Palin’s attack on the White House Correspondence Dinner.
The study takes aim at the neophyte Solar Energy Industry, just as it struggles to gain a toe-hold in producing clean, renewable power in a market dominated by nuclear and natural gas interests.
“It is indisputable” the study began, “that solar energy is the chief contributor to global warming.” The study continued:
Solar energy is by far the leading cause of rising tempertures around the globe, outpacing methane produced by cows, green house gasses produced by industry and natural gas from fracking combined.
The study, funded by Haliburton, ExxonMobile and British Petroleum boasted an impressive amount of statistical data. The study compared average daytime tempertures with average night time tempertures, adjusting for seasonal changes. Solar energy is directly correlated with higher tempertures all around the globe, the study concluded.
Republicans immediately seized upon the study as proof that Solar Power is harming the planet. “We can no longer afford to wait. The sun must set now on the Solar Industry.” One prominent politician pontificated. “I am presenting a bill tomorrow in the Senate that will ban the use of Solar Energy in the United States.”
When asked how he would implement his ban, given the vast amount of solar energy impacting the country on a daily basis, he replied, “Our international trade relations is already working on that. Even as I speak, we’re negotiating for the importation of over a billion parasols from China.”
CARE TO SHED SOME LIGHT ON THE SUBJECT?