The Watering Hole: Hump Day, August 14, 2013: ON SPEED

We’ve all dealt with speed traps at one point or another. Here’s a tale of a rather unique way a small, unnamed town tried to generate money.

As I was driving along a country road, I passed by a rather unusual speed limit sign:


I thought “this is great” and opened it up. I was crusing somewhere around 110 mph when I saw the flashing red & blue lights in the rear-view mirror.

“What seems to be the problem, Officer?” I asked, handing over my license and registration.

“You were going faster than a bat out of hell.” He said, handing me the citation.

Fast forward to traffic court, and I have the officer on the stand.

“What was the speed limit on the stretch of highway were you cited me for speeding?”

“You can’t go faster than a bat out of hell on that stretch of the road.” The locals in the audience chuckled.

“Ok. How fast does a bat out of hell go?” Apparently no one had asked him that before – out of towners like myself ususally just pay the ticket. But those of you who know me, know that’s not my style.

“Ummmm…I dunno. Pretty damn fast.”

“And how fast was I going?”

“Pretty damn fast.”

“Your honor, I move to dismiss. The officer’s testimony indicates that I was going no faster than a bat out of hell.”

The judge looked at the officer, then at me, shrugged his shoulders and said, “I guess you’re right. Case dismissed.”

Well, a couple of months later, I was going down that same country road, past that same “Bat out of Hell” speed limit sign, and pulled over by that same trooper, who handed me the same citation. “I got you this time.” he said as he handed me the ticket. “I did my research. You’re not going to make a fool out of me on the stand again.”

Fast forward to court, and I asked the trooper how fast is a bat out of hell. He was ready.

“I looked it up on the internet and bats can fly up to 60 miles per hour.You were going a hell of a lot faster than 60.”

“Well, were those bats on the internet flying out of hell?”


“Were they flying out of hell, or just flying around?”

“The article didn’t say.”

“Have you ever used your radar gun on a bat out of hell?”


“Have you ever seen a bat fly out of hell?”


“So you have no idea of how fast a bat out of hell flies, don’t you?”

The officer squirmed once again, “no.”

Case dismissed.

Fast-forward to last month. They changed the speed limit sign. This time it read:


So I opened it up again, and again met with my favorite trooper.

“What seems to be the problem, now, Officer?”

“You were going too damn fast.” he tore the ticket off and tossed it at me, along with my license and registration. “see you in court!”

So, once again I am in court. I can’t tell if the judge is bemused with me, or somewhat chagrined that I’m depriving the town of income. Anyway the officer testifies,

“The speed limit on that stretch of highway is pretty damn fast, and the defendant was going too damn fast.”

“Ok,” I said, “did you use your radar gun?”


“And how fast was I going, according to your radar gun?”

“A hundred and ten.”

“Now, you pulled me over a few months ago, for going faster than a bat out of hell. Do you remember that?”

“Hell yes.”

“And you used your radar gun that time, too?”


“And how fast was I going then?”

“The same, a hundred ten.”

“And, if you recall, when you testified in that matter, you said I was going pretty damn fast, correct?

“Yes.” he started to squirm, seeing the handwriting on the wall.

“Your honor, you just heard the officer testify that in both instances I was going a hundred and ten miles an hour. He acknowledged his earlier testimony that a hundred and ten miles an hour is pretty damn fast. The inescapable conclusion is that I was going pretty damn fast this time, too, but not too damn fast. I move to dismiss.”

Chalk another one in the win column.

Yesterday, I came to that same spot. This time the speed limit sign read


Traffic was gridlocked.


*Note: The Zoo does not endorse Geico. But this video is just too funny to pass up for a Hump Day post.

67 thoughts on “The Watering Hole: Hump Day, August 14, 2013: ON SPEED

    • Funny story.

      I stopped driving as fast as I could go about the time cell phones became common. Too many people can turn you in to the smokeys now. Back when they had to find a place to stop and use a landline, by the time they could report you, you’d be too far away to matter to them. I always used secondary roads to travel, because the four lanes were too boring, and generally had the majority of the revenue-enhancement speed traps.

      • i like to travel the “blue highways” myself….and you’re right speed traps are prevalent in small rural communities. i try to remember where the cops hide, most generally they have one or two favorite spots to nail you.

    • It was an Airbus which sums it up.
      The only airplane on the planet that won’t let you fly it.
      “You’re about to impact the ground, would you like to pull up?
      “Are you sure?”
      YES, I’M SURE.
      “Please wait while we confirm your request”

    • My SIL works for the FAA and part of her job is to investigate plane crashes. Like all plane crashes, this is a horrible accident. The article doesn’t state why the plane landed with a thud.

      • The airplane was burning so that largely rules out fuel starvation.
        1/2 mile from runway, thay probably had runway insight unless they were at minimums in which case they should be going missed unless they were on a cat3 approach.

        Airbus have the nasty habit of flying into the ground unprovoked.

  1. Funny story BnF!
    Not so funny is Bill O’Rucking Feilly slamming the food stamp program recipients as ‘gaming the system’. h/t C&L this AM.
    O’Reilly said that the president was to blame for changing the work rules for food stamps and allowing “anybody to get them if they know how to game the system.”

    “I take one look at this guy and he’s making money off the books,” he explained.

    “Now I’m not going to make any accusation on national television about how he’s making money, but this guy’s not just surviving on food stamps. Alright? He’s making money. The rat life entails a lot of different things.”

    Scum, Bill, you’re pure scum.

    • If it were up to only me, there would be a WWII tax rate (90+%) on every income over a million, no matter the source and including Cayman Island “investments”, all capital gains, and just to make sure all bases are covered, any asshole with an O’ in his last name.

    • So, Bill has no problem with business owners taking expensive vacations and writing them off as business trips, driving a ‘company car’ for personal use, buying the big screen tv for the lobby, that somehow winds up at home, but he’s outraged that some guy gets a hundred bucks SNAP money a month, while making a little cash money on the side.

  2. Greg Sargent’s Plum LIne this AM has a good write up on Rep. Chris Van Hollen’s groundwork for the upcoming budget confrontation with the Recalcitrants.
    “Van Hollen added Dems will lay down three core principles: No negotiating on the debt limit. No restoring defense spending without hikes in domestic spending. And no entitlement cuts without tax increases (here clarification is needed; what kind of benefit cuts would this entail?)”

    TBD – If Dems can grow enough spine between now and the upcoming showdown at the Rotunda corral.

    • Harry “Milquetoast” Reid will bluster and blather, but in the end, the Dems will serve us up on a silver platter.

    • I think he got that absolutely right and then waffled on and obscured his message.

      “Van Hollen added ‘Dems will lay down’ “

      – there, no need to say anymore, you said everything right there.

  3. Corporate America’s New Profit Center: Put as Many People in Jail as Possible
    Turning unemployed Americans into very profitable prisoners is a booming business.
    August 13, 2013 |
    What does America do when she no longer needs her slaves or surplus workers?

    The 1880’s reconstruction era was the first time in our history that America had seen a large surplus of non-white labor.

    In the 1870’s many former slaves were integrated into the labor force, but white backlash in the 1880’s and 1890’s led to a permanent underclass through nearly a century of “separate but equal.”

    For very different reasons, there was a similar surplus of white labor in the early 1930’s.

    Regardless of race, capitalism runs in cycles: It’s called “the business cycle.” There are uptimes when there are jobs for everybody, the labor market is tight, and pay rises.

    • We have a waste-to-energy facility here. If it burns, it doesn’t go in the landfill. I used to haul my shop trash to the plant myself because it was close to my shop, and it saved me the monthly fee for garbage pickup. I’d get seven or eight 55 gallon drumliners full and it would cost me six bucks to dispose of them.

  4. An update on my new “girlfriend”.

    For those who missed it; I was completely smitten by a little girl, Angelina, who was terribly impressed by my model airplane. I was heading out for an evening flight and she was out riding her bike under the watchful eye of her mother when she spotted me.

    “Momma, Momma, can i watch Mr. Pete fly”? The answer was yes so the three of us carefully crossed the street, looking both ways. I had a wonderful surprise for her. I programmed my radio so that the motor would just spin fast enough to move the plane slowly along the ground and let her “fly” it. I’m not the least bit ashamed to say that our shared joy brought a tear to my eye amongst the cheers and laughs and giggles. Then I put on, arguably, the three best flights of my life for her enjoyment. I would hover at about 20 feet and ask; “is it time to go up?” “No”. No”. “Go up”! And up I went. Then I would spin down until she let out a little gasp and then I went back up again.

    Damn. 50 years cultivating a gruff exterior were shot to Hell.

    • Angelina is a quick learner and grand co-pilot! You bring joy and the excitement for learning to that little girl…good on you Mr. Pete!

      • Thanks, Ebb. With any luck at all her teachers are going to have a wonderful time with a grand student. She has that penetrating look where you can see the gears turning and she seems to give everything her full attention.

  5. Most Americans haven’t heard of Cory Booker, who is almost certain to be New Jersey’s next Senator. Alex Pareene, who is definitely a progressive and routinely skewers the GOP, provides an unflattering introduction to Booker:

    “In many ways, Booker is perfectly suited for the United States Senate. He won’t be expected to accomplish anything. He will have so many more opportunities to spend time with even more rich people with elite backgrounds and worldviews similar to his. He will have much more access to television studios and Sunday shows and cable news cameras. He will, in short, be the worst kind of senator. The kind that has no power and no real desire to exercise power on behalf of the people the senator ostensibly represents, but the kind that always expresses opinions on television about whatever national issues people on television care about that day.”

  6. Here’s the most abysmally stupid comment on the TP thread about Texas AG Greg Abbott admitting in a legal brief that the Rs had deliberately gerrymandered their districts to give the Rs the advantage over the Dems:

    Nadine Faber · Top Commenter · Vancouver, Washington
    The bottom line is that many of these states have had dem’s do the same thing. Many of the districts are dem party favored and some of the states had more voters than they had voters registered. These were Dem votes and I think the whole process has the dems favored and have been for many years. The court said that many of these districts were overwhelmingly black, minorities and dem’s voters, I think this may actually make it more fair to both sides. I don’t see or read anything that addresses those voters who got dem votes through that were NOT legal or Registered to do so. There was a state that could not find several thousands of families who were getting assistance and they tried to contact them, many were registered (addresses were parking lot, s empty homes, many going to the same address…), but they were gone. How many of those voted in more than one state they are registered to vote in? The excuse is “we don’t have a voter fraud problem?” Yes we do. Of course, no one who is biased against those against obama policies would listen to reason no matter what proof is put in front of their faces. You need to remember, for every vote that was fraudulent, it discounts the votes that are legal. I don’t believe the voting has been truly fair for quite some time and want ID’s of all people so that once and for all, the people are truly being represented by the votes counted. We still have to be making sure our election individuals are also honest people, many have not and have hidden or put votes where they could not be found to be counted. Months later and even years, votes are all the sudden “found”, bull.

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