CHRIST CANCELS SECOND COMING!
Christ the Lord, in a press release sent to all major news outlets around the globe, announced that He was cancelling His Second Coming. While the mainstream media has quashed the story of the millenea, we here at The Zoo feel it is our God-Given Duty to inform our readers that He is not coming.
The press release stated that He knows that people over the centuries have, on various occasions, announced the date and time of His immenent arrival, only to be dissapointed. The Lord also acknowledged that His parting message could have been more specific regarding His Return.
The Lord also expressed regret over giving Man freewill, stating He “knew all along that this would turn out poorly.”
The press release cited three reasons for the 2nd Coming cancellation:
- Sequels never live up to their advance hype;
- He’d rather die on the cross again than be interviewed on Fox;
- He knows there’s a better than even chance He’ll follow in His Father’s footsteps and father a child that people won’t stop talking about for thousands of years.