The Watering Hole, Vacation Edition, Part 1; Wednesday, Hump Day, June 11, 2014: What’s the Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Heard

Dear Readers, this is a contest.

The rule is: post the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard.

First Place Prize: posting of your comment/entry on an internationally read blog.

Odds of winning:1/1, based on the number of entries. In the event of a tie, all eligible entries will be posted.

Entries close at midnight.

OPEN THREAD

LET TEH STUPED BEGUINE!

 

109 thoughts on “The Watering Hole, Vacation Edition, Part 1; Wednesday, Hump Day, June 11, 2014: What’s the Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Heard

  1. What’s the Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Heard?

    Hey, watch this…

    Hmmm, I wonder what this knob does?

    Is this electrical outlet live?

  2. What’s the Stupidest Thing You’ve Ever Heard?

    Anything by Justin Bieber.

  3. Absolutely true story…

    Jane and I were having dinner in a local restaurant. I asked the waitress “Do you know what time it is?” She answered, “You mean now?”

  4. I didn’t personally hear this one, but several of my co-workers assert it is the truth…

    So they were having fun teasing this one co-worker who wasn’t exactly the brightest bulb on the tree, if you get my drift, but a really nice kid. So they asked him a question about the World, and he asked, “You mean the whole World or just the Earth?”

    Still not sure what he was thinking.

  5. Same kid. He was working at a desk that had the mouse on the left-hand side of the keyboard, because that’s how the user used it. He asked me as I walked by, “Do you know how to change this from a left-hand mouse to a right-hand mouse?” I said, Sure.” And I picked up the mouse and pad and put them down on the right-hand side of the keyboard.

    He went “Duh.”

    • Hey, that was my desk!

      I’m actually right-handed, but when I broke my right wrist, I started using the mouse on the left side. I got so used to it I still have it that way, at the office and at home.

  6. BnF, I hope you realize that you have just opened the door to the unlimited stupidity of the universe.

  7. From a former job in field service:
    ” The machine won’t load”
    “You have to connect the input cable”
    “No I don’t, I selected remote load”

  8. I’m sad that I went to bed early and missed Eric’s concession. Eric outspent his opponent $5M to $150K. Maybe money in politics isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  9. The guy who sent his PC back to our company and wanted a refund because the coffee cup holder was crap and broke easily.

    • How do you like the new Aussie at Red Bull now?

      Here’s a link, just for you, EV.

      Canadian GP F1 technical analysis: What went wrong for Mercedes

      Mercedes has enjoyed better reliability with these components than its rivals, although Hamilton had replaced his control electronics after Saturday morning practice. That was the third unit he has used this year, compared to Rosberg’s two.

      With this failure, Hamilton will have to use his fourth set of control electronics, meaning he has just one more set to use for the balance of the season without incurring grid penalties.

      • I decided I’m in love with Jenson Button now. Fickle me.
        I do not like Hamilton any better than Vettel, both are brats. But that control electronics bit is interesting. I haven’t heard about that yet. I hear Vettel hates his car, not long and he’ll hate his team mate, too. He is a sore loser, always was.

        • I don’t know if you see this ad over there, but last year it made ‘mmm soda cookies’ a catch-phrase on the chatrooms during races.

  10. Stupidest Corporate Speak; uttered by the person you finally reach (if ever) after wading through the automated system:
    “We’re here to help you”

  11. Who is Dave Brat? He is an economics professor who’s been teaching at Randolph-Macon College since 1996, so naturally there’s opinions of him at ratemyprofessors.com. A sample:

    “He’s so charming and really knows how to incorporate real world examples to keep the class exciting and relateable. He change assignments a lot and sometimes it’s unclear what he wants you to do. Plus he’s total eye candy!!

    He changed the assignments almost everyday. he never had set schedule for anything. he was forgetful of quizzes. For his papers, no one ever understood what he wanted for us to do. he was almost never there when we needed help. he read the book in for students to follow and lastly, he graded very critically without first giving you guidlines.

    Brat changes assignments all the time, but he is so charming, you forget to be mad at him.

    had several courses with him; difficult for him to stay on material, sometimes difficult to follow, but he drills the material into your head; will seriously say the same thing in about 10 different ways to make sure you get it. not that hard”

    http://www.ratemyprofessors.com/ShowRatings.jsp?tid=47058

    • I’ve just been watching him online, and whoever rated this guy as “charming” doesn’t know the meaning of the word.

      I’m getting more of a smarmy-assed Gilderoy Lockhart vibe off of him.

  12. In other Tea Party news, Ted Cruz Spokeswoman Catherine Frazier said the Tea Party favourite formally gave up his Canadian citizenship May 14. He received official confirmation of the action at his Houston home Tuesday.

  13. From the ‘Rooted Cosmopolitan’ blog: “…in “2013 Cantor spent roughly twice as much at Bobby Van’s [steakhouse] as he did on polling.”

    Bonus: Republicans will no longer have to refer to Judeo Christian values.

    • Capitalism is here to stay, and we need a church model that corresponds to that reality

      So, he would be in opposition to Mike Huckabee, ‘who said since the bible couldn’t be changed to match the Constitution, then the Constitution should be changed to match the bible.’

      This clown wants to change the ‘church model’ to one that supports cancer capitalism.

    • He apparently doesn’t realize that Hitler’s Germany was the radical far right wing personified — rather in the spirit of today’s US Tea Party. He probably also doesn’t realize that Hitler ‘used’ to good effect the concepts of God and Jesus to rally the masses, or that ex post facto — after he attained full power of the state — allathat went ‘poof.’

  14. BTW, if someone named Karen Waters stops by/leaves a comment, she’s a nice person that I met at TP, and I had linked her to my Monday post. She liked both the post and everyone’s comments.Judging by her facebook page, she’ll fit right in. 🙂

  15. I just saw Brat side-by-side with Cantor on TV. The hair is a little different, but they even look too much alike.

    It’s nice to have Cantor scalped, but I am afraid a new radical has just been empowered.

    Thom Hartmann is giving his take on the upset.

    • What Thom is saying

      Dave Brat is a Koch Brothers-Funded Plant

      Brat’s background should make him especially appealing to conservative organizations. He chairs the department of economics and business at Randolph-Macon College and heads its BB&T Moral Foundations of Capitalism program. The funding for the program came from John Allison, the former CEO of BB&T (a financial-services company) who now heads the Cato Institute. The two share an affinity for Ayn Rand: Allison is a major supporter of the Ayn Rand Institute, and Brat co-authored a paper titled “An Analysis of the Moral Foundations in Ayn Rand.” Brat says that while he isn’t a Randian, he has been influenced by Atlas Shrugged and appreciates Rand’s case for human freedom and free markets.

      As you know, Cato is Koch-funded, and conditions these grants that only professors they approve of can be hired.

      Cantor either didn’t do enough oppo research, or couldn’t use the intel, without pissing off the Koch’s.

      Thom also references $22 million funneled through Laura Ingraham and Mark Levin to promote the guy.

    • A true TeaPottier:

      Todd asked Brat a simple foreign policy question about arming the Syrian rebels, and this was the answer that he got, “Hey, Chuck, I just thought today we were going to chat about the celebratory aspect. I’d love to go through all this, but my mind is just…I love all the policy questions. I’m happy to do more, but I just wanted to talk about the victory.”

  16. All those vehicles and equipment we left in Iraq? Don’t worry, they’re being put to use.

    • Eventually, GM will be selling them replacement parts with the blessing of the DoD.

  17. I think Brat is going to take time to do any harm. Cantor had been in Congress for more than a decade. He had better committee assignments and stature due to his tenure. Brat is a freshman representative so he’s a nobody for a couple of terms. He’ll certainly vote on the Tea Party line, but Cantor we pretty much doing that anyway, so it changes nothing.

  18. Honey I got hungry sitting here waiting on you, so I ate the glove box….

    Peel out: Tomato-sourced car parts?

    Tomatoes would join coconut, rice and soy as environmentally friendly biomaterials already in use.
    Ford has used soybeans, coconuts and rice hulls as biodegradable materials to make its cars more environmental friendly. Now tomatoes may join this cornucopia of plant-based auto parts.

    Ford has partnered with famous ketchup maker Heinz to study the uses of tomato fibers to create what the automaker calls “sustainable composite materials.” Ford said that dried tomato skins, a byproduct of processing tomatoes into ketchup, could be recycled and used in wiring brackets or storage bins in vehicles……more

    http://t.autos.msn.com/news/peel-out-tomato-sourced-car-parts

    • So you load the bag of plant food into the hatchback, drive home, and find it ripped open and all the contents gone?

    • Mice already like to set up housekeeping under the hood and snack on the wiring and vacuum lines. I think I’ll keep my ’02 a little longer, it’s only got 180,000 on it…

    • A week ago, Corbett trailed Dem Tom Wolf by 20 points. They are pissing away their money.

  19. “If I were you, I would blah blah blah blah blah…..”
    “If you WERE me, I wouldn’t have to be hearing this crap.”

      • Thanks Zooey feels good to be back. I’d been trying to be all fuzzy and cute, it didn’t work.
        Time to hone the talons. The next two years are going to get ugly, real ugly.
        -chuckle-

          • Thank you Jane, I’ve been through a couple cycles of re-invention since last casting my ragged shadow hereabouts… Hope you and Wayne are well!

  20. Hmmh. Just received word from WordPress.com that it was four years ago today that I first popped up here. And to think I thought it was only yesterday!

  21. Here’s an entry for the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. It comes under the heading of “There really are stupid questions,” as well.

    “You have to start asking questions: Well, if evolution is true, and it’s just all about the male propagating their DNA, we had to ask hard questions, like, well, is rape wrong?” [Creationist Darek] Isaacs said.

    Someone check into this fuckwit’s background, cuz he had to ask…

  22. The Senate on Wednesday declined to approve a measure that would have enabled millions of Americans with expensive student loans to refinance into cheaper debt.

    The 56-38 vote on the refinancing proposal, sponsored by Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.), failed to garner the 60 votes needed to overcome a Republican filibuster. Warren’s proposal, which mostly targeted student loans owned or guaranteed by the Department of Education, sought to fund the reduction in borrowers’ student loan payments by increasing taxes on wealthy households.

    “With this vote we show the American people who we work for in the United States Senate: Billionaires or students,” Warren said minutes before the vote.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/politics/

    • Yeah, he was stupid before he burned one.
      Pick up some Ben and Jerry’s instead of a gun you fruit loop.

  23. I was really expecting some pearls of wisdom from Caribou Barbie but somehow she went under the radar.

    ”It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: ‘Sit down and shut up,’ but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out.”

  24. Uncle Pat can be counted on for stupid:

    via RS:

    Pat Robertson: Don’t ‘get your father busted’ if he threatens mom with a gun

    oh, and Goofy Gomer says:

    Louie Gohmert tells Congress the ‘good news’ that non-Christians are ‘going to Hell’

    • IF there should happen to be a heaven and a hell, and IF Christians all go to heaven and non-believers all go to hell, then I’m in good shape given that the worst most despicable fate I could ever find myself in would be the company of a mess of Christers like Gohmert for the entire of eternity. Talk about HELL!

  25. There’s being stupid, and then there’s acting stupid.
    Seeking to eliminate (kill – think Edward Abbey) the cell phone, I went through 3 days and 6 different Verizon employees discussing the issue. I won’t go into the gory details, but I think I left all 6 with the realization that not all of their “customers” are as stupid as these individuals were all pointed out to be. Weathering all their ploys, dodges and talking points; and asking pointed questions while taking careful notes I refused to budge from my position. Only when I asked to have my “case” bumped further up their chain did the last one finally relent, after a very long wait while she no doubt called her Higher Authority.
    They know where you are and what you eat, sleep, buy, put on and take off; and when you do these things. When you hear “this call May be recorded” all of us may know that we ARE being recorded, and not for “training purposes” or “quality control”. They are looking for the smallest little sign of anger, frustration, impatience or exaggeration, and will then use it to charge you.
    Knowing me as you all do, you can imagine the blunt diagnosis’, subtly barbed hooks and needle thin lances I used to perform this little bit of self-surgery as I removed the malignant corporate Droid tumor. Twas a literal Operating Theatre it was, indeed, hmmm, yes it was.

  26. Speaking of stupid stuff, Davde Brat wants to cut Social Security by 2/3, get rid of the IRS, and all kinds of “mainstream” stuff.

    I can’t wait until this clown collapses under scrutiny.

    • Why cut SS by 2/3? Wouldn’t it be better to get rid of it completely, and in the process require all the deadbeats still alive who’ve milked that cow to give back every penny — with interest, of course — that they’ve received on the SS dole?

      Trying to sound like a genuine sovereign wingnut. If I can get it down pat, I’ll probably run for president or something, maybe even follow Brat’s lead and start with a seat in the Reichstag Congress.

      • He’s not a sovereign wingnut, he’s a Calvinist wingnut. God must really like us if he prospers our business. He may actually win, we’re pretty much a 60% R district, but his philosophy is pretty much Ayn Rand, Austrian school of economics, and a side order of supply-side Jesus and batshit crazy.

          • True that. If I didn’t own 60 acres of paradise I’d be packing my bags for the Northwest coast.

            • I’m on a 60 acre farm now myself. Not mine, I’m just the hired hand, but do about 75% of the work. The owners are retired health care professionals and have been irretrievably imprinted with the 7 minute attention span. They like to dress up in progressive attire… an organic farm is a wonderful topic of conversation at Wednesday bridge… -chuckle-

            • Oh heck, reckon I wouldn’t fit in out there either. Can’t play bridge, can’t retire , and do all my own work. I wish I could afford a hired hand.

            • “No matter where you go, there you are…” Bilbo Baggins
              (Though the best delivery by far of this quote was from “Pig Killer” in the movie Mad Max)

  27. Chris Hayes: “It would be, I think, unprecedented for a Senate Minority leader to go down. I don’t think it’s ever happened before, but of course we had an unprecedented thing happen last night.”

    Tom Daschle, as recently as the 2004 elections? John Thune was able to defeat Daschle because the Bush Administration had Ellsworth Air Force Base on the BRAC list and let it be known they would close it if Daschle won again. Ellsworth is the single largest employer in the state.

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