The Watering Hole, 8/20/14: Do you know how fast you’re going?

A short while back, astrophysicist and Cosmos star Neil deGrasse Tyson was pulled over by a State Trooper while on his way to a speaking engagement. The Trooper obviously didn’t recognize the famous scientist.

We here at The Zoo obtained the audio from the Trooper’s dash camera shortly before it was taken off-line. Here, then, is the exchange between an astrophysicist and a State Trooper on the subject of speeding.

Trooper: Do you know how fast you were going?

NdGT: Relative to what?

Trooper: Relative to…..Einstein.

NdGT: Ah, well, yes. It’s fascinating you should day that. You see, Einstein was a mathematician, but his theories revolutionized the study of physics and astrophysics. Using his theories on relativity and time and motion we are finally able to answer that question.

Trooper: What question?

NdGT: How fast was I going. That is what you asked, right?

Trooper: Right.

NdGT: Ok. Now, to give you some grasp of how fast I was going, you’ve got to imagine we’re on one of those Octopus rides in a carnival. You know, the ride where there are several arms extending outward from a central hub. The hub spins around, and the end of the arms go round and round the hub. But that’s not all. At the end of each arm there are seats that spin round and round, so at times you’re hurling through space heading right towards the hub, and a moment later you’re being flung out and away from the hub. And at the point where you’re nearest the hub, you feel like you’re not moving at all.

Trooper: Huh?

NdGT: Stay with me, here. Now, the hub is our Sun, and the Earth is at the end of one of those arms, moving around the Sun at 66,000 miles per hour. But that’s not all, because the Earth spins around on its axis, like the seats on the carnival ride. In this case, a person on the equator would be spinning through space at about 1,000 miles per hour. But we have two problems. First, we’re approaching noon. That means we’re heading closest to that center hub, or, in this case, the Sun. That also means that, relative to the sun, we appear to be slowing down. And we’re also not at the equator. You see, the farther north or south you go from the equator, the slower you’re moving through space as the Earth continues to spin on its axis. For example, did you know that if you were standing exactly on the North Pole, you wouldn’t be moving at all, as far as the spin on the earth’s axis?

Trooper: I wouldn’t?

NdGT: Exactly! You’d be standing still. Well, not totally still. Although you wouldn’t feel like you’re moving, you would be doing a slow 360 degree spin. It would take you 24 hours just to be facing the same direction you were when you started. But even that’s a misperception. Because you would always be facing South, relative to the Earth, but relative to the Sun, or an astronaut in space, you’d be spinning in place. Are you with me so far?

Trooper: So far. We’re at the North Pole, right?

NdGT: No, we’re in Alabama. But that’s not all.

Trooper: It isn’t.

NdGT: No! and that’s the beauty of it all! You see, while we’re spinning round and round on our axis at 1,000 miles per hour, and spinning round and round the Sun at 66,000 miles per hour, the sun is whirling through space as it goes around and around the center of the Milky Way Galaxy at 483,000 miles per hour!

Trooper: No way!

NdGT: Way! and that’s not all! Our galaxy is moving away from the center of the Universe, the site of the Big Bang, at an amazing 1.3 million miles per hour! So, to answer your question, all I have to do is add 1.3 million, plus 438,000, plus 66,000, plus 1,000, adjusted down for latitude to approximately 800, plus 55 and the answer is…1,849,805 miles per hour, give or take.

Trooper: You don’t say. I had you clocked at 55. Wait, where’d the 55 come from?

NdGT: Oh, that’s the speed I had set on my cruise control.

OPEN THREAD TIME
RELATIVELY SPEAKING

48 thoughts on “The Watering Hole, 8/20/14: Do you know how fast you’re going?

  1. “A short while back, astrophysicist and Cosmos star Neil deGrasse Tyson was pulled over by a State Trooper while on his way to a speaking engagement. The Trooper obviously didn’t recognize the famous scientist.”
    So, the State Trooper shot him.

    • “A short while back, astrophysicist and Cosmos star Neil deGrasse Tyson was pulled over by a State Trooper while on his way to a speaking engagement. The Trooper obviously didn’t recognize the famous scientist.”……..and asked him to step out of the vehicle.

      Performing a field sobriety test, the famous scientist was asked to walk a straight line along the white line and was shot in the back “as he was trying to flee”

    • Loved this one. Listened to it last year at the Seattle Center Laser show with Amber…

  2. Srsly, A state trooper in Alabama would understand a single wucking furd Neil said? Not believable.

  3. Grand Jurors Offended By Perry Suggestion Indictment Was Political

    Four jurors told the Houston Chronicle they carefully weighed the evidence and eschewed political considerations during their deliberations.

    “We were asked to serve, we attended eight sessions over the course of five months, we listened to hours of evidence and we formed opinions, and those opinions were not motivated by politics,” juror Scott Hillman said. “They were simply motivated by our understanding of the facts as applied to the law.”

    Hillman called the governor’s comments in the days since last Friday’s indictment “disrespectful.”

    “I see him laugh at these charges, and I think he’s laughing at the process, and he’s laughing at the grand jurors,” Hillman said. “We took our role very, very seriously.”

    Travis DA’s Drunken-Driving Arrest Riled Perry; Others’ Didn’t

    Rick Perry was outraged at the spectacle of Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg’s drunken-driving arrest last year. But he didn’t feel that strongly when two other district attorneys faced the same charges under similar circumstances.

    In those cases, he said and did nothing.

    There were differences, chiefly that Perry had leverage over Lehmberg, whose office contains the state-funded Public Integrity Unit. As the governor builds his defense against felony coercion and abuse of power charges partly around concerns about Lehmberg’s behavior, Democrats are pointing to the two previous cases as a sign that the governor had other motives.

    “The key difference was that one of the DAs was investigating his administration for corruption and the other two DAs weren’t,” said Democratic strategist Jason Stanford.

  4. Why Rick Perry Will Be Convicted

    Perry is accused of using his veto authority to coerce a publicly elected official into leaving office. And when the veto threat, and later the actual exercise of the veto didn’t work, he may have tried a bit of bribery, which is why he is facing criminal charges.

    Not because he exercised his constitutional veto authority.

    Some of the media appear to have adopted the Perry narrative that he wanted to get rid of an irresponsible Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg because she had been arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. Lehmberg, whose blood alcohol level was about three times above legal limits, was recorded on video as drunk and belligerent during booking. Perry is arguing he eliminated the $7.5 million dollar budget that Lehmberg managed for the Public Integrity Unit (PIU) because she was no longer responsible enough to run the operation.

    But the governor probably had another motive.

    We need the cases against Perry, Christie, and Walker to dovetail as the election approaches, so Republican corruption outrages the voters at the precise moment to drive them to the polls in record numbers for a midterm. It just could happen. Angry voters show up.

  5. Water Rustlers Caught Wet-Handed

    Powegian Tom Carter had a problem. Charles Dilts, a board member of the San Pasqual Fire Department, had a solution.

    Carter was in the process of connecting his property to Poway’s main water line, which is metered, but, in the meantime, he needed a big slug of water to his near-dry well to keep his landscaping from dying.

    So Dilts, who knew Carter from church, tells Fire Chief Chris Kisslinger to send a tender over to Poway to hydrate his friend’s well.

    Poway vigilantes with camera phones caught the truck filling up at a city hydrant. The jig was up.

    The way I see this, three thieves should be in jail, charged with conspiracy to commit theft. Writing a check is like robbing the bank, getting caught, then expecting to be released for giving the money back.

    • Church going, god-fearing…
      $1,000.00 fine was paid from a church fund.

      Water is liquid gold, he should be forgoing landscaping.

    • thanks. I tried to capture the way NdGT sounds when he talks about science stuff.

  6. George W. Bush finally gets waterboarded.

    Better it should have been boiling hot water instead of ice water.

    • I would have greatly preferred to have him walk the plank somewhere in the middle of the Bering Sea.
      Then watch his expression as the ship pulls away and disappears over the horizon.

  7. Jim Hoft’s Unsourced Claim That Officer Darren Wilson Had an “Orbital Blowout Fracture of the Eye Socket”

    The entire right wing universe (including Drudge Report) is now screaming about this post by, yes, the Dumbest Man on the Internet again, claiming that anonymous sources told him officer Darren Wilson suffered an “orbital blowout fracture to the eye socket” in a struggle with unarmed teenager Michael Brown: BREAKING REPORT: Officer Darren Wilson Suffered “Orbital Blowout Fracture to Eye Socket” During Mike Brown Attack | the Gateway Pundit.

    It’s possible that someone did leak this information to Hoft, but I’ll remind my readers that Jim Hoft is probably the single most dishonest right wing blogger on the Internet as well as the dumbest, with a very long history of distorting facts and completely making stuff up to push his far right, often overtly racist agenda.

    And there are some things to consider about Hoft’s claims this time as well, before lending them credibility they probably don’t deserve.

    LGF discredits injury reported as suffered by Darren Wilson.

    • So far, every source I’ve tried to find to confirm this injury has linked to Hoft. When will people learn never to trust Jim Hoft for the truth? Now, even if this isn’t true (and the pictures I saw on the cover of yesterday’s NY Daily News did not appear to back up this claim, but they aren’t clear pictures), it;s now going to be part of the conversations about this whole incident.

      BTW, no matter how much pot Mike Brown had in his system, I still refuse to believe that was the reason he attacked the officer. I find it more believable that the officer provoked Brown into coming after him. But unless the Officer Wilson’s dash cam was running (so it could at least record the sounds), or someone else happened to be filming the entire incident in that neighborhood, we’ll probably never know the truth of what happened.

  8. Supreme Court Delays Marriage Equality’s Arrival In Virginia

    As expected, the U.S. Supreme Court on Wednesday delayed enforcement of a federal appeals court ruling that struck down Virginia’s ban on same-sex marriages.
    In a brief unsigned order, the court said the ruling by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth circuit was stayed, “pending the timely filing and disposition of a petition for a writ of certiorari.” If the cert petition or appeal is denied, the order continued, the stay would end, but if it is granted, the stay would be terminated “upon the sending down of the judgment of this court.”

  9. Humidity arrives each day flowing over the land like an invisible fog, blanketing any desire to indulge in activity.

    • What’s even more amazing are the amount of people that think Florida is a great place for a vacation in the summertime.
      Sheer brilliance.

    • Goofy Gomert. Wonder if these ‘thoughts’ come in dreams/nightmares.
      Every little thing frightens him.

      • I’m starting to think that Gomer and friends receive messages from aliens who have a malfunctioning universal translator so, rather than making them sound like evil geniuses, they just sound like people who have suffered severe brain damage.

    • I love the review section of Amazon.
      It’s almost as good as The Best of Craig’s List.

        • I can’t get over the fact that the fictional dad is named Dick Strong. I hope that there will be a sequel from the point of view of the child detailing her suffering and ostracism after having to parade through Walmart with her deranged parents.

    • The illustration is hilarious, it looks like the man is an amputee and has a gun attached to his stump.
      “Pull my finger”

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