The Watering Hole, Saturday, September 6, 2014: This Week In Paranoia: Kill Whitey, Big Sodomy, and A Criminal Organization By Any Other Name

Courtesy of our good friends at Right Wing Watch, we learned of several conspiracy theories floating around in the toilets known as the minds of right wing lunatics, some of whom you’ve heard of before. We’ve got the president planning to kill all the white people so he can declare martial law (which would seem silly since he could declare martial law first and save the taxpayers’ money on bullets.) We’ve got citizen border patrols sneaking upon and nearly apprehending scientists studying bats. We’ve got Teh Gays coming for your kids, as always. (Why is it always the kids Teh Gays want? Why aren’t they after your husbands and boyfriends, which is far more likely?) We’ve got the President secretly flying from Hawaii back to Washington to attend Christmas services at a mosque, then back to his family in Hawaii again without anybody noticing. And we’ve got a right wing cacophony of cries of secret messages and support for terrorists because the President chose to use a more accurate acronym for the bad guys. Nothing more than that. He just decided to use an ‘L’ instead of an ‘S’, and now you and I are going to die.

Professional Misanthrope Michael “Savage” Weiner wants you to buy his book (which I highly advise against) so you’ll understandhow President Barack Obama is plotting to instigate an insurrection. He’s going to do it by granting amnesty for millions of people who entered the country illegally. (One would think it would be only for the crime of entering the country, and not for everything illegal that they did, the way President Richard Nixon got a full pardon even for illegal acts we didn’t know he did, but you never know when you’re dealing with the Savage Mind of Michael Weiner.) And when all the white people rise up and protest this unconstitutional use of his vaguely defined pardon power, he’ll have no choice but to “mow down” all the white people rising up against him, and THEN declare martial law. You know that only a paranoid conservative could come up with a plot like that. It makes no difference that he peppers his fear mongering with things like, “I hope I’m wrong.” Why do conservatives believe that everybody wants to settle their differences with a gun? It’s the psychological behavior known as Projection, where you ascribe in others the things you hate about yourself, and where you believe you know how they’ll behave because you presume they’ll behave just as you would, even though the primary reason you hate them so much is that they never do what you would do in a given situation. Conservative minds are really messed up. And they seem to have vivid, bloody imaginations.

Just when you thought it was safe to count bats in an Arizona cave, along come a group of self-proclaimed patrollers of the border to start shining spotlights on you and calling the REAL Border Patrol agents, who eventually show up to find out you’re just a bunch of scientists doing a biological survey, and not a bunch of Mexicans deliberately not answering your Spanish. It was reported that no guns were pointed in the making of this nightmare, but to that I say, “Not this time.” These self-proclaimed “patriots” need to learn a few things: 1) They are hindering more than helping. In this case, Border Patrol agents were diverted from their primary job of trying to catch real immigration law violators. 2) They don’t need to carry guns if they’re just going to observe and report. 3) It is illegal to detain or assist someone crossing the border illegally. We taxpayers have decided we want the people we hired to patrol the borders to be the ones doing it, not a bunch of, let’s face it, racists, determined to make an example of somebody without, somehow, going to prison for it. If they are truly concerned about terrorists, or anybody else, entering our country illegally, then why don’t they patrol our Northern border, which has virtually nobody patrolling it? There are plenty of places where you could walk across unnoticed. I believe they’re not as concerned about people of their same skin color coming into this country.

But if the bat-counting scientists don’t get you, Lee Duigon is convinced Teh Gays will. You see, Duigon believes that his right to freely exercise his religion trumps your right to have sex with the consenting adult of your choice, especially if that adult is of the same gender as you. He refers to the effort to have LGBT people afforded the same rights and protections against discrimination as anyone else would, “Big Sodomy.” As Shakespeare might have said, “The bigot doth protest too much, methinks.” When you come up with a term like “Big Sodomy” to refer to the struggle for LGBT equality, you’ve given this way too much thought. I would like to publicly suggest to Mr. Duigon that if it bothers him so much, perhaps he should stop thinking about it all the time. Besides, your alleged religion (it’s supposed to be one of the various forms of Christianity) teaches you to love one another, not look for some irrelevant excuse to hate someone. I can promise you, Mr. Duigon, that most of what you think you know about gay people is very probably wrong. And what you understand about religious freedom is even less correct. Your right to practice the religion of your choice stops at my body. You cannot force me to follow your religious beliefs. I really wish Conservative Christians would understand that, but they can’t.

Speaking of someone who should stop thinking, Kamal Saleem, a right-wing darling who claims to have been a terrorist for several organizations (but who somehow has managed to avoid eating a drone missile) cites as absolute proof that Obama is a secret Muslim the “fact” that Obama went to a Washington, DC, mosque on Christmas Day to pray. For some reason, Saleem thinks that when Obama said, “The future must not belong to those who slander the prophet [of] Islam,” he was siding with the minority of extremists who exploit a radical interpretation of the Koran. He also thinks that despite the well-documented fact that President Obama has spent every Christmas of his presidency in the state of his birth, Hawaii, with his family, that Obama managed to fly into DC, go to a mosque, take off his shoes to pray, and then flew back to Hawaii without the press or anybody else hearing about it. It amazes me the lengths some people will go to make their false view of reality seem plausible to the even less-well educated.

But if secretly abandoning his family for a 20-hour round trip just to get in a quick prayer at his favorite mosque (where he wouldn’t have to listen to the same Christian pastor he’d been listening to denigrate America for 20 years) wasn’t bad enough, now Obama is trying to confuse everybody in the US by using a different (and probably more correct) acronym to describe the latest band of criminals sweeping across Iraq. I seriously doubt our American media will ever call them by their Arabic name, al-Dawla al-Islamiya fil-Iraq wa al-Sham. Instead they’ll insist on something easier to pronounce, like a four-letter acronym based on the English translation of their name. And therein lies the problem, because they don’t seem to agree on how to translate the last word, al-Sham. Some translate it as “Syria”, thus making the scronym ISIS, while others say it actually refers to the area of Greater Syria known as the Levant, making the English-language acronym ISIL. But professional hate monger and weekend children’s party clown, Pamela Geller, thinks the president is just trying to confuse people by referring to them as ISIL. This is strange because on her own blog she wrote

The media had amended the name of the Islamic army tearing through Syria and Iraq to ISIS (Islamic State of Syria and Iraq). But the correct name is ISIL (Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant). What is the the Levant? The geographical area they mean to rule. The Levant includes Egypt, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan, Cyprus and parts of Turkey.

If she thinks ordinary Americans are confused by this, what does she think her two-digit IQ readership thinks?

This is our daily open thread. feel fee to discuss paranoid right wingers or any other topic you choose.


53 thoughts on “The Watering Hole, Saturday, September 6, 2014: This Week In Paranoia: Kill Whitey, Big Sodomy, and A Criminal Organization By Any Other Name

  1. I thought they were referring to Oscar Levant. Silly me.

    Pam Geller can’t even get a simple acronym in the right order.
    ISIS (Islamic State of Syria and Iraq)
    Wouldn’t that be Islamic State of Iraq and Syria? Or did she mean ISSI? That sounds like the Darryl Issa’s fan club.

  2. Excellent post, Wayne. The strangest consequence of all the Wingnut miscreant analysis of virtually everything (always clearly designed to accuse Obama of ‘coming for us’ in one way or another) is that there are actually real people who believe the bullshit, and worse, who are scared shitless by it. There are more examples of such in this here corner of rural Colorado than I can count, much less keep track of. But they’re everywhere, and clearly in the majority locally. It would be funny if it weren’t so diabolically serious, given the fact that people who believe that shit are actually allowed to vote. Yikes!

    On the northern border matter, reminds me of a ‘joke’ that apparently made the rounds in Minnesota after 9-11. There was at that time, see, a northern militia patrolling the border up there in the Boundary Waters Wilderness, armed to the teeth of course. One evening, they heard noises in the surrounding brush and with guns cocked and aimed, one of them shouted, “Halt! State your name and your purpose for being here!!” A moment later, a Swede emerged from the bushes, hands raised, and answered: “Ole. Bin Loggin'”

    They shot him dead.

    I know, probably not true, but not all that far fetched either!

  3. Geez, Bama is going through Florida Atlantic like sparrows through a swarm of mosquitos.

  4. Well ranted, Wayne. 🙂

    President secretly flying from Hawaii back to Washington to attend Christmas services at a mosque…

    So he’s not leading the War on Christmas…?

    I wonder how many mosques exist between Hawaii and DC? 😉 I think Obama celebrated Christmas at a mosque in Hawaii, but sent Air Force One to DC as a diversion, cuz he likes to fuck with wingnut minds and waste money like that.

  5. Wayne, this post achieves a perfect mix of reportage and snark. Well done!
    Why in the hell would any muslim fly anywhere to pray in a mosque on Christmas? I’m reasonably certain that Christmas holds no special religious significance for muslims. These people just don’t think things through. This is similar to their ability to both believe that Obama is the laziest, most incompetent president ever and that he is also capable of masterminded a secret plan to take their guns, put them in FEMA camps, and kill them.

    • Thanks, OIMF. I’ve decided that’s the effect I want my posts to achieve (unless I’m doing Science or something.) I like the way Jim Hightower writes, and I’d like to aim for something like that. I appreciate the compliment..

    • (common sense doesn’t enter into the RWNJs circle – of course Christmas has no religious meaning to Muslims)

      Not to mention Hawai’i has Mosques!

      (if there were no Mosque within reasonable distance, Muslims may kneel on their prayer rug, facing east t o Mecca)

      Of course learning and thinking are not among the virtues for the Conservative American.

  6. Here’s a goody:

    Wingnut Global Warming Denier Says Voting Democrat ‘Comes Close To Treason’

    Lord Monckton’s op-ed in World Nut Daily could have been written by one of the Koch brothers.

    His main premise:

    By little and little, the “Democrats” have become the implacable enemies of everything for which the Founding Fathers so nobly and so successfully strove. Their increasingly close ideological links with international anti-capitalist, anti-democratic, anti-libertarian Marxism and its sinister bedfellow, pietistic environmental extremism, have become an existential threat to the very survival of the United States as an independent nation.

    But that silliness said, here are his own self-defining words in the category, “Ignorance on Full Display” where he discusses

    “the savage brutality of Marxism and its twin, Fascism”

    There ‘they’ go again, equating the extreme left politic with its opposite, the extreme right politic. Reminds me of that famous sign, the one carried by another idiot that called Obama a “MARKSIST-FACIST”. At least Monckton spelled them both correctly, but that’s about as far as he got. It is, of course, unfair to expect much more from any of our typical modern day Fascists, esp., apparently, even World Nut Daily’s Monckey . . . errr . . . “Lord Christopher” Monckton.

    • Just an FYI. Mr. Monckton is not and has never been a member of the House of Lords. The House of Lords disavow him and have made numerous requests that he cease and desist from calling himself “Lord Monkton”. He is only “Lord Monckton” in his own mind.

      • Yep, that I assumed, put “Lord Christopher” in quotes (the Christopher part because I have NOT seen his birth certificate!). Also, while I’m definitely not British and make no claims to know anything about the British aristocratic pecking order, I’m willing to assume that no genuine British “Lord” could be as freakin’ STUPID as Monckton shows himself to be, and thus I can certainly understand why the House of Lords would take exception to said idiot!

  7. I think I’ve been ruined for life. A friend of mine, and grilling expert, thought he owed me a favor so he grilled me a 12 ounce slice of “Kobe beef” tenderloin. It’s not genuine, being the right breed but raised in the U.S., but it was easily the best steak i have ever eaten. In fact; it might have been the best thing I have ever eaten!

      • Banzai isn’t a big fan of human food. He will eat raw egg or fish and he licks the cheese off cheese curls but that’s about it.

    • I raise the US equivalent of kurobuta pork. The mass market food chain requires uniformity. They’ve abandoned the tasty breeds that don’t fit that mold. Welcome to the flavorful dark side. You cannot go back. 🙂

      • I know. I almost never buy pork chops since my favorite butcher died. I wish I had asked him where he got his pork so I could find another outlet. The stuff at the local stores is just too lean so, when I get pork, I usually go with a tenderloin and use lots of butter in my gravy. It’s good but not the same as well-marbled prime cuts.

        I did, however, find a downside to the great steak. The fat has apparently bonded to the inside of my mouth so I get that “furry” feeling with each swig of beer. Still; it’s a small price.

  8. Fucking smoke. I feel like I’ve been exposed to 14 packs of cigarettes. 👿

    Eyes watering, throat sore, sneezing like mad. Arrrggghhhhhh!!

    • Empathetic…can’t even see the foothills for the smog/smoke.
      The symptoms are the same as yours. Wipes me out – can’t get anything accomplished.

      • Ugh, I hate it when it’s like that down there. And here.

        The smoke has only gotten worse over the course of the day. I think I’ve developed a smoker’s hack.

        • Hmmm. How long will it be before some rightwhiner suggests taking up smoking to “toughen up” your lungs to deal with the increased wildfires?

          • There are fires throughout the west. Each day seems to bring a new forest fire, or brush fire along a highway!
            Catch-22: to be extinguished fires need water…water is scarce.

            • The increase in wildfires is another clue in the whole context of climate change but…? The “librul media” is failing to cover this subject as much as they fail to cover all the other clues. They keep going with the false equivalency between people who recognize what’s going on and those who deny the implications.

              I swore off The PBS Newshour, in general, and Judy Woodruff, in particular, years ago. But? I saw a recent clip where she again let a denier lie for 7 minutes, gave him the last word, and ended the segment with “we’ll have to leave it there” instead of saying “that’s simply not true”.

              It’s maddening.

  9. McCain Rips Obama’s Failure To Bomb Stonehenge

    Senator John McCain (R-Ariz.) blasted President Obama on Saturday for failing to bomb Stonehenge while in the United Kingdom for the NATO summit.

    “This is a time when it’s important to send our enemies the message that the United States is strong,” McCain told Fox News. “I can think of no better way to do that than by blowing Stonehenge off the map.”

    McCain said that he was “astounded” by Obama’s reluctance to order airstrikes on the ancient monument. “He had a clean shot at Stonehenge, and he blinked,” he said. – Andy Borowitz

    • Lap 122 of 400. Danica was the last car on the lead lap in 20th, and we got a caution!

    • Lap 260. Danica is one lap down, and couldn’t quite catch Aric Almirola for the Lucky Dog pass as caution comes out. She’s 16th coming in for pit stops.

    • Lap 300. Danica just passed Denny Hamlin to lead the one-lap-down cars. The last lead lap car has 10 seconds before the leader catches him. If we get a caution soon, she’ll ba back onto the lead lap.

    • Danica finished 16th. She wasn’t able to catch any of the lead lap cars after the restart. Tony Stewart was 15th, three seconds ahead of her, and he couldn’t improve after the restart either. Still, a lead lap finish on a short track (3/4 mile), is an accomplishment in itself.

      • Forgive me if this sounds cruel but…

        What has Ms. Patrick done to deserve all the adulation? She seems to be a competent driver but her finishes seem to be in “Dick Trickle territory”. Simply finishing on the lead lap should not be considered a triumph much less be a major story in the national sports’ press.

        • When did I become the National Sports Press? (DU – challenge all assertions/off)

          I just follow her because I’m more interested in her succeeding than any other driver in Nascar. I used to root for the Allisons and Neil Bonnett because they were from my state, and they ran well enough to make watching the races fun back then. I lost interest for a while after Davey Allison and Bonnett died in ’93 and ’94, but wound up a Mark Martin fan which continued until he retired a couple of seasons ago. Always an Indy racing fan, I was impressed that Danica didn’t just barely make races and tool around a couple of laps down with a safe car with lots of downforce on it, like Lyn St. James used to do. She really was fast, stayed in contention in races, and posted good results. Before NBC took over Versus Channel, I could watch her drive via her in-car camera, looking from the roll hoop down into the cockpit. She actually could handle an Indycar very well.
          To re-learn racing in order to run in Nascar is quite a feat, because the technique is very different. She is competing against drivers whose career-track put them into stock cars as early as possible. Jeff Gordon’s family relocated to a state whose tracks allowed fourteen year olds to drive full size cars, so he could improve faster. She went to England to compete in the Formula Ford series, racing against future Formula One stars, which is not the career path to take to optimize a Nascar endeavor.

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