The Watering Hole, Wednesday, October 1, 2014: Ferguson Police Ordered to Shoot Unarmed White People

In the face of lingering, and growing racial tensions in Ferguson over the police shooting of an unarmed African-American, a new and highly unusual edict has come down from the chief of police: Shoot Unarmed White People. The order reveals the hope that by killing unarmed white people, the Ferguson police department will no longer be seen as racists.

It suggests targeting senior citizens pulled over for traffic citations, any white teen wearing a hoodie, and young mothers with children. Targeting these demographics, the memo continued, should result in tremendous public outcry, overshadowing recent events where people of color in Ferguson and elsewhere in this great country were gunned down without apparent provocation. The police chief’s order also reminded officers to yell out a commmand, such as “Stop or I’ll shoot” at least a split second before, not after, opening fire. This, the memo said, would provide the necessary legal cover to defeat any lawsuits.

The memo concluded with P.S. DO NOT LEAK THIS MEMO TO THE PRESS.


39 thoughts on “The Watering Hole, Wednesday, October 1, 2014: Ferguson Police Ordered to Shoot Unarmed White People

  1. Recently disclosed real estate opportunity: Cliven Bundy is selling his property for pennies on the dollar to relocate to Ferguson.
    A recent press release from him stated that cattle are a pain in the ass when they aren’t free to roam federal land for nothing and he wants to be where he can “feel the love”.

    • Cliven should be a good fit in Missouri, lots of Mormon history there. If I remember correctly, even Bring’em Young passed thru Mo on his trek to Utah. In fact, one place in Mo — Independence — has been identified as the center place of Zion (whatever the fuck THAT means).

  2. Whewwwwwww!……finally got a flight out of Chicago. But, it’s a great place to be stuck as long as you’re not living at the airport. the Hyatt Place was most accommodating, and I highly recommend their hotels if you’re ever in the Windy City, or anywhere else for that matter.

  3. This Country Just Abolished College Tuition Fees

    “We got rid of tuition fees because we do not want higher education which depends on the wealth of the parents,” Gabrielle Heinen-Kjajic, the minister for science and culture in Lower Saxony, said in a statement.

    Interesting how we won the war, defeated Fascism, imposed democracy, and now the people of Germany benefit because their elected government understands the blessings implicit in spreading the wealth around.

    Interesting how the victors, now controlled by the classic merger of wealth and power (Fascism), are sliding into the abyss of widespread poverty and enslavement of the masses — a country on the verge of massive failure.

  4. Secret Service Director Julia Pierson has resigned. Partly blames the media.

    “I think it’s in the best interest of the Secret Service and the American public if I step down,” Pierson said. “Congress has lost confidence in my ability to run the agency. The media has made it clear that this is what they expected. … It’s painful to leave as the agency is reeling from a significant security breach.”

    • Hell, no. Ebola is part of God’s punishment for Adam’s sin. God will protect True Christians from Ebola, the same way he protects children who don’t get immunizations.

      Let me hear ya say “Amen Brother!”

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