The Watering Hole, Wednesday, October 15, 2014: Supreme Court Rules Bipartisanship Unconstitutional

In a case that was given scant attention by court watchers, the Supreme Court issued a ruling today finding that bipartisanship violates the United States Constitution. The opinion, authored by Justice Thomas, noted that the two houses of Congress are, in fact, mentioned in the United States Constitution, but that political parties are not. Thus, while the legislative branch, and the respective houses therein, are free to set their own rules, a strict interpretation of the Constitution does not allow for the existence of political parties, and, by extension, bipartisanship.

This judicial bombshell, coming as it is on the eve of the 2014 mid term elections, left Constitutional law scholars dumbfounded. Ballots will have to be rewritten, eliminating the distinction of political parties. “Who will know who to vote for, once we eliminate the (D) and ( R)?” one staffer lamented. John Boehner, Mitch McConnel and Tom DeLay were seen together in a bar. Tears were streaming down Boehners cheeks as he cried, “All that work on redistricting — gone.”

Only Mike Huckabee appeared pleased with today’s ruling. “With the elimination of political distinctions, people will have to rely on the only distinction that truly matters…God. Now is the time for men, and to a lesser degree, women, of faith, to step forward and run for political office from God’s platform. Now, I am mindful of the First Amendment, and it says that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” So the founding fathers clearly intended that Christians should freely exercise their religion when elected to Congress, and when my Christrian bretheren are made Senators and Representatives, then we shall finally see God’s Kingdom here on earth.”

Michelle Bachman, outraged that the Supreme Court just declared political parties unconstitutinal, vowed to appeal the ruling to the highest court in the land. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, agreed with Mike Huckabee and hinted that he might become her running mate in 2016.

Fox News broke away from its live coverage of Justice Thomas reading his opinion to a rerun of Doctor Strangelove.

Ohhhpen Thread


43 thoughts on “The Watering Hole, Wednesday, October 15, 2014: Supreme Court Rules Bipartisanship Unconstitutional

  1. You’re absolutely correct. Bipartisanship is NOT in the Constitution and is therefore an unconstitutional proposition. It’s not a bad thing, however, because the word “stupid” is similarly omitted from the Constitution. That omission, when combined with the obvious prohibition of bipartisan, very clearly states that the founders did NOT choose to allow ANY Republicans in the government! EVER! IOW, Loiie Gohmert et al of his shrunken mental status — including almost everyone from Tejas — are unconstitutional!

  2. “Now it the time for men, and to a lesser degree, women, of faith, to step forward and run for political office from God’s platform”
    I have no problem picturing Huck, or any number of “good” christian men, saying this. That is the mark of good satire. 🙂

  3. The Unending Tone Deafness of Politicians:

    Hillary just charged the University of Nevada, a public university, $225,000 to give a speech on the high cost of tuition.

  4. I keep reading the words extremely unlikely in the recent news. I do not think these words mean what the people using them think they mean.

    • As much as I would like to see Jon Stewart apply his BS detector to a “news” network; I’m glad he didn’t take the bait. The suits would have marginalized him and cast him out the second some “elder statesman” refused to appear and get called out for lying.

  5. Welcome to the ‘ceasefire’ in Ukraine…. Russian mercenaries and armed forces continue to shell Ukrainian cities…. over 60 soldiers and hundreds of civilians lie dead or injured….. in he ‘ceasefire’ – which is only for stupid Western media to excuse its cowardice….

    Fresh attacks – the so-called DPR and LPR have added 50% to their territory *during* the ‘ceasefire’ and the Russians are still shelling Ukrainian positions

    There is anti-aircraft fire over Mariupol tonight….. yes the ‘pro-Russian separatists’ are flying stuff around now….. really?

    Wake up, its not gays, or ebola …..

    • Some folks will say anything – do anything – solely for political gain. Gone are the days when statesmen put the country above their own personal interests.

  6. ooh my comment is ‘awaiting moderation’ – I did not use any of the George Carlin Seven

    • its a Ukrainian video of a bunch of dead grannies in the streets of Mariupol who were at a funeral….. Russian grad rockets made them lie in the road in pools of their own fluids…. that’s all..,

      … there’s a ‘cease fire’ on in Ukraine dontchaknow…. nothing to friggin see here….. because EBOLA/OBAMA – three letters in common – its his fault!

      • Some videos don’t allow posting.
        The world is exploding – killing people at a funeral is beyond beastly.

        • 1. Russian grads hit Mariupol today killing 7 at a funeral
          2. So called ‘pro-Russians’ have taken almost 50% more territory during the ‘ceasefire’
          3. The west is asleep, cowardly and focusing on whatever the fookin media says – gay people, brown people and sick black people……OMG we are doomed (see gravatar)

            • That’s it! I have the Ukrainian feed with my extensive ‘reporting team’ (though Tanya is so cute she is taking French classes now so she can move to be with her fiancé in Aix-en-Provence as soon as she can :-). My reporting team is a bit ‘distracted’ 🙂

      • found it for you. Don’t know why it was pending approval, but I approved it. hmmm, wonder if that will get me in trouble with wordpress…

        • Thanks boss…. a little shocking…. but the media coverage is woeful….. and Putin counts on it….

  7. St. Ronnie took six years….

    As we read about and discuss the history of the American AIDS epidemic in class, my students — all Reagan babies, born between 1981 and 1985 — are often dumbfounded when faced with simple facts. Although AIDS was first reported in the medical and popular press in 1981, it was only in October of 1987 that President Reagan publicly spoke about the epidemic. By the end of that year 59,572 AIDS cases had been reported and 27,909 of those women and men had died. How could this happen, they ask? Didn’t he see that this was an ever-expanding epidemic? How could he not say anything? Do anything?

    • This, at the bottom of the above article:

      A headline you won’t see in the butt-kissing revisionist mainstream press:

      Ronald Reagan, Apologist for Apartheid, Champion of the Rich and Big Business, Ignorer of AIDS, and Funder of Death Squads, Dead at 93.

Comments are closed.