The Watering Hole: 12/17/14: Hump Day

New study finds gun violence linked to broccoli.

In an article comming up in next month’s edition of Lancit, a highly respected, peer reviewed publication of medical research, two scientists claim they have found an irrefutable link between mass murderers and people who were forced to eat broccoli as children. Drs. O. Gobi and Juan K. N’Obi interviewed dozens of individuals currently incarcerated for killing more than 5 people and found the statistical correlation so strong as to suggest causation.

The study investigated all the food groups, and included so-called junk foods. “We really expected the results to implicate junk foods, sodas in particular, but found that green vegetables, and most notably broccoli, had the strongest correlation to gun violance.” Dr. Gobi sommented in a press release. Dr. N’Obi added, “What this means, of course, is that parents should think twice before forcing their children to eat broccolli. This may well save us from creating mass murders in the future.”

The NRA and BGA (Broccoli Growers of America) have joined forces to denounce the article, with an upcoming ad campaign featuring gun-toting children happily chowing down on broccoli. Rumors indicate the junk food industry is seizing on the study and plans to hit the airwaves with an ad campaign of its own: Parents, let your kids eat junk foods – at least they won’t become mass murders!


I’m going back to bed.

Do not disturb until after Christmas.


43 thoughts on “The Watering Hole: 12/17/14: Hump Day

      • I should have clarified — I LOVE Brussels Sprouts. But just about everybody I’ve ever known since high school would rather commit mass murder than eat even one. Broccoli? Nah. Even my younger daughter likes broccoli.

  1. Finally, we will have a saner relationship with Cuba. President Obama sure isn’t acting like a lame duck.

  2. The shit is certainly going to hit the fan now as all the RWNJs will claim that this proves Obama is a commie. As the President said, 50 years of this embargo has accomplished nothing. This is going to be a huge boost to the Cuban economy which has been cut off from what was their biggest market for ever. I’ve given up cigars (and buying habanos was never a problem for me) but look forward to their rum and I suspect we’ll be seeing a lot of imported sugar soon enough. Probably be a boon to Havana’s sex workers.

    • The only reasons Cuba was an issue to begin with had more to do with US corporate losses and organized crime’s dismissal from Havana hotels, casinos, and probably drugs, prostitution, etc. No profit = pissed off.

      JFK didn’t support the Bay of Pigs with military intervention, and via the blockade the Russians backed down. That should have been the point where everything changed for the better, but nope, the Mafia and the Corporate world would have none of it.

      Finally — 55 years post-Castro there appears a beam of common sense light, thanks in no small part, I’m sure, to Barack Obama.

      I’m actually looking forward to wingnuts everywhere messing their pants over the matter. I’m especially waiting for Cubano Cruz to shit his pants in public. THAT will be fun to watch.

      Meanwhile, Go Cuba! Maybe now you can obtain the right to move forward, even as our Fascist element drags us down into the muck.

        • I’m thinking both Rubio and Cruz could be allowed back in, and now since traveling the 90 miles won’t be so tricky that maybe, just maybe . . . dare we hope?

        • Make sure they come from a reputable dealer. I guarantee you that every unscrupulous dealer in the Western Hemisphere is already busy printing “Hecho en Cuba” labels. I feel sorry for the cigar makers who have tried so hard to reproduce the results of the Cubans and turned out some very good products in their own right. It’s also a bad day to own Padron stock!

  3. Jeb out of touch? Byron York points out that Bush last ran for office in 2002:

    “Bush’s 14-year gap is bigger than any general-election presidential candidate in recent memory. …Talk to political consultants and they’ll tell you that sitting out even one electoral cycle can not only make a candidate rusty but can also make him or her unfamiliar with the sometimes overwhelming ways in which campaigns change over the course of four years. Jeb Bush might be able to overcome those challenges. But it probably won’t be easy.”

    Michael Tomasky focuses on the same issue:

    “To find a presidential candidate with as long a gap between campaigns (excluding those like Eisenhower who’d never run), you have to reach back to James Buchanan. Questions of rust will arise, of course, but more than that, we can fairly wonder whether he has a feel for the politico-culture landscape these days. The conservative movement of today is a rather fiercer creature than the one his brother held at bay with a few Scriptural dog whistles.”

    • Several hundred villagers have joined the efforts to remove oil spills at Sundarbans forest after an oil tanker sank in a river seeping nearly 350,000 …

  4. I have to work 2.5 hours tomorrow, then I’m off Friday. I had 13.5 hours of use-it-or-lose-it vacation, that I didn’t know about. I can only carry over 40 hours to next year and I have to use that by end of March.

      • There’s no racing until Daytona, end of January. There are some lesser bowl games Saturday, and there’s college basketball games now.

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