House Passes Bill to Eliminate Silent Letters

In what started out as a measure to eliminate all foreign words from the English Language, the House today passed a bill that would eliminate all silent letters.

“If we don’t pronounce it, we shouldn’t have to write it.” one staffer explained. The advent of social media, especially forums like Twitter, has demonstrated that people can communicate effectively using fewer letters. Fewer letters saves time and money. Businesses can communicate more rapidly, thereby increasing profits.

The bill now goes to the Senate, where it is expected to receive some opposition from the few die-hard conservatives who know how to spell. Concerns have already been raised over the issue of school textbooks, and it’s likely the Senate will seek to amend the bill to allow its implementation to be phased in over the next few years, to allow textbook makers the time to revise their editions to comport with the new spelling mandate.

Should this bill pass the Senate and be signed into law, House Republicans intend to introduce a measure to eliminate synonyms.




  1. Hehe. I remember, I think it might have been Borowitz (note to self – have not read much Borowitz recently) and the subject was something like sending ‘Desperately needed aid to the Former Yugoslaiva – they are in urgent need for an air drop of vowels’.

    I am going to check on Jesus and Mo right now as I think over the horrors inflicted on the Jordanian pilot in the name of Allah yesterday.

    Meanwhile, the explosion of cell phones with cameras meant that someday, we would see something like this as if we were there. Those poor people.

      • It would appear from the video that the left engine had failed and was windmilling while the right engine was at max power resulting in a what is known as a Vmc roll.
        One of the hardest emergency procedures to master because usually it takes a while for the event to register with the pilot.
        This is why we train for emergencies over and over and over and over.
        Dead foot = dead engine
        During takeoff there is no fix or feather option.
        Retard throttles and “land” straight ahead with minor heading changes.
        I’ve been on a couple of Mr. Toads wild rides and I still fly them.
        Nothing teaches riding better than a horse.

        • That was a better explanation than the ‘expert’ MSNBC had on when I got home from work last night.

    • Flying gives me the cold sweats and I hope to never get into an airplane again. It was May 1979, and I worked a a video post house just on the edge of O’Hare Field in Chicago. Late in the afternoon, we could hear an explosion followed by sirens. Maybe a quarter mile from where I worked, occurred the worst aviation disaster in US history. I had to drive past the crash site going to and from work every day and it was just horrific. This was 1979 so there weren’t cellphones everywhere, so when they posted photos of the plane before impact, it just made me sick, and scared to ever get on a plane again.

  2. On MSNBC just now:
    “Not only should childhood vaccines be mandatory, but parents who refuse to protect their children should be held financially liable…forced to reimburse others who became ill because their unprotected children spread the disease.” – Greg W.

    I would submit to you that this could only apply to children who can’t medically tolerate the vaccine, otherwise both children should have been vaccinated, assuming the vaccine actually works.

  3. Scientists pledge to increase interference with the Church

    UK Church groups have recently been criticised for campaigning against the legalisation of mitochondrial donation. As their efforts failed, a group of emboldened scientists has vowed to turn the tables and interfere with matters of religion.

    The Catholic Church and Church of England have recently been urging MPs to vote against the introduction of mitochondrial donation, a potentially life-saving procedure with little to no evidence of any serious risks. However, despite many years of study and several regulations, the aforementioned churches have surprisingly decided to intervene and urge MPs to vote against approving the procedure.

    This has lead to much criticism, especially from scientists. However, following the eventual failure of these efforts, one group of emboldened scientists has decided to go further and pledge to respond in kind by interfering as much as possible with religious matters.

    The Federation for Furthering Science (FFS) has promised to intervene with any and all religious issues it can find that could benefit from some “scientific perspective”.

    Leave science alone, FFS. 😉

  4. Should this bill pass the Senate and be signed into law, House Republicans intend to introduce a measure to eliminate synonyms.

  5. FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler: This Is How We Will Ensure Net Neutrality

    After more than a decade of debate and a record-setting proceeding that attracted nearly 4 million public comments, the time to settle the Net Neutrality question has arrived. This week, I will circulate to the members of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) proposed new rules to preserve the internet as an open platform for innovation and free expression. This proposal is rooted in long-standing regulatory principles, marketplace experience, and public input received over the last several months.


    That is why I am proposing that the FCC use its Title II authority to implement and enforce open internet protections.

    Using this authority, I am submitting to my colleagues the strongest open internet protections ever proposed by the FCC. These enforceable, bright-line rules will ban paid prioritization, and the blocking and throttling of lawful content and services. I propose to fully apply—for the first time ever—those bright-line rules to mobile broadband. My proposal assures the rights of internet users to go where they want, when they want, and the rights of innovators to introduce new products without asking anyone’s permission.

    We will finally be actually communicating! 🙂

    • Indeed. And then it will be Onomatopoeia because the Republicans don’t know what it is (so they hate it), it sounds foreign (so they hate it), and it sounds dirty (so they hate it, but privately want to do it).

      And it starts with an O just like Obama so they hate it. Of course that could lead to a ban in alliteration. Which Republicans also think is something dirty.

    • Until Putin is put in his place (preferably six feet under) this bloody hell will escalate until it is too late.

      (ME is boiling over with a two for one execution)

    • Unfortunately, compassion is in exceedingly short supply by governments.
      (may she soon be free)

    • 2003: Williams was only following President Cheney’s orders to make the war sound and feel as if we truly needed to be tearing up another country.

  6. Gorbachev Warns The New Cold War With Russia Could Turn “Hot”

    Mikhail Gorbachev has accused the US of dragging Russia into a new Cold War. The former Soviet president fears the chill in relations could eventually spur an armed conflict.

    “Plainly speaking, the US has already dragged us into a new Cold War, trying to openly implement its idea of triumphalism,” Gorbachev said in an interview with Interfax.

    The former USSR leader, whose name is associated with the end of the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the United States, is worried about the possible consequences.

    “What’s next? Unfortunately, I cannot be sure that the Cold War will not bring about a ‘hot’ one. I’m afraid they might take the risk,” he said.

    Gorbachev’s criticism of Washington comes as the West is pondering new sanctions against Russia, blaming it for the ongoing military conflict in eastern Ukraine, and alleging Moscow is sending troops to the restive areas. Russia has denied the allegations.

    “All we hear from the US and the EU now is sanctions against Russia,” Gorbachev said. “Are they completely out of their minds? The US has been totally ‘lost in the jungle’ and is dragging us there as well.”

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