A little-noticed provision in last year’s military spending bill abolished April Fools Day. House staffers, usually with a wink and a nod, credit Rand Paul for the deed. Tired of being the brunt of April Fools jokes all his life, he saw an opportunity and seized upon it, slipping in language abolishing April 1 of each calendar year and adding an extra day to March. Starting in 2015, March will have 32 days, and April will start on April 2, 2015.
“I didn’t realize this when we voted on the bill,” Mitch McTurtle commented, “but I like it.” However, he and other Republicans who are secretly chortling over the fact that there is no April Fools Day this year may soon change their minds as fishermen across the country are outraged. Fishing season traditionally opens on April 1, and without April 1, the season will not open this year.
“That’s in the regs.” A Fish and Game lawyer explained. “April 1 marks the beginning of Fishing Season, not April 2, not March 32. Congress created this mess, and it’ll take an act of Congress to fix it.” On the other hand, basketball enthusiasts generally favor the idea, as it adds an extra day for March Madness.
Meanwhile, bait shops across the country are up to their eyeballs in crickets and worms they cannot sell. “This is a huge blow.” drawled one shop owner as he spit out a chaw of tobacco. “How am I gonna stay in business if no one can go fishing?” When told his Representative voted for the bill, the shop owner started whistling “Dixie” as he pulled down the blinds and started cleaning his shotgun.