What day is it?
A little-noticed provision in last year’s military spending bill abolished April Fools Day. House staffers, usually with a wink and a nod, credit Rand Paul for the deed. Tired of being the brunt of April Fools jokes all his life, he saw an opportunity and seized upon it, slipping in language abolishing April 1 of each calendar year and adding an extra day to March. Starting in 2015, March will have 32 days, and April will start on April 2, 2015.
“I didn’t realize this when we voted on the bill,” Mitch McTurtle commented, “but I like it.” However, he and other Republicans who are secretly chortling over the fact that there is no April Fools Day this year may soon change their minds as fishermen across the country are outraged. Fishing season traditionally opens on April 1, and without April 1, the season will not open this year.
“That’s in the regs.” A Fish and Game lawyer explained. “April 1 marks the beginning of Fishing Season, not April 2, not March 32. Congress created this mess, and it’ll take an act of Congress to fix it.” On the other hand, basketball enthusiasts generally favor the idea, as it adds an extra day for March Madness.
Meanwhile, bait shops across the country are up to their eyeballs in crickets and worms they cannot sell. “This is a huge blow.” drawled one shop owner as he spit out a chaw of tobacco. “How am I gonna stay in business if no one can go fishing?” When told his Representative voted for the bill, the shop owner started whistling “Dixie” as he pulled down the blinds and started cleaning his shotgun.
OPEN THREAD
TheZoo 
There’s already a thread at DU about how Hillary has announced she’s not running for President.
This may be a long day.
My dog is the only one I take seriously on April 1st.
Actually, that goes for the rest of the year too.
We’re fortunate that our felines and canines don’t know about April 1st nuttiness.
Lunar livestock
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/
Yesterday I read that Carly Fiorina is apparently planning a presidential run.
Given Fiorina’s record as CEO of Hewlett-Packard, a once successful, innovative and prosperous company which nearly collapsed under her “leadership,” she would indeed be the ideal Republican candidate since the fate of HP defines with uncanny precision what is clearly the GOP’s goal for Amurka.
No, not April Fools. Indiana becomes the first state in the nation to send a woman to prison for having a miscarriage. Take THAT, Kansas:
http://www.wncn.com/story/28664509/first-woman-in-us-sentenced-for-killing-a-fetus
(there’s no war on women)
LOLGOP
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography. Homophobia is God’s way of teaching us the names of Republican governors.
Barbara Kingsolver quite effectively summed up the satisfaction some (GOoPers, prolly) feel when they acknowledge that God so clearly determines outcomes that are so CLEANSING! to the soul. Her word, a definitive palindrome — AMENENEMA — pretty much sums the fervor behind each and all of the current Republican ‘movements.’ Sotospeak.
I know that cognitive dissonance is less of a problem to the Conservative mind, but I don’t get this thing about God determining outcomes. Of anything. Especially a sporting event. Where does this “free will” they tell me he gave us come in to this?
If God gave us free will, then why is he determining the outcome of events? Either we choose what we do and let the chips fall where they may, or God decides everything and none of us is responsible for our actions. Which is it?
The clearest and most obvious answer to that is also the simplest and most accurate: God was created by humans and is therefore — no matter its name, no matter its manifestation — completely screwed up.
S’right – He has all the failings and metal deficiencies of the worst of us – Old Testament God was a real sociopathic, psychopathic, genocidal bastard, not sure why JC thought he could rehabilitate that Guy.
NFC Championship game – WIlson throws a pass in the last seconds – caught in the endzone! “God was with me” – says WIlson
fast forward 2 weeks:
Superbowl – Wilson throws a pass in the last seconds – caught in the endzone – by the oppos Cornerback! “Fookin’ worst call in the history of the game!” …. er
Hannity: Why are American gays angry with laws that affect them directly, rather than say Sharia law?
Me: And why (and how) is he asking convicted felon Dinesh D’souza?
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/hannity-dsouza-indiana-sharia
That was cool.
That was nerd funny
She’s baaaaack! It looks like Bible Spice is going to ave to step up her game if she wants to remain the meanest mean girl on facebook.
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/michele-bachmann-obama-deranged-pilot
Someone wound up the old tin toy, that is a sorry state of affairs!
Wait, has Suicide Pilot replaced Hitler as the go-to boogeyman?
And the joke’s on Bachmann — there were no survivors.
Anyone else played pacman in google maps? Lots of fun as they turn the streets into a pacman game.
Link? I have a friend overseas who stalks me using Googlemaps street view…
But I feel cheated, TommytehTurtle and I were at a junction in Arlington last summer and the Bing car went by…. our frozen zombie faces have not yet appeared… 😦
(I know it’s a bit late)
Finally! You Can Now Play Pac-Man on Google Maps
The Top 15 Spots to Play Pac-Man in Google Maps
BnF, you’ll appreciate this one.
Patton Oswalt goes on EPIC twitter rampage.
http://www.hitfix.com/the-dartboard/last-night-patton-oswalt-went-on-the-most-epic-twitter-ramage-and-here-it-is
a third of the way in I was thinking, some people shouldn’t drink and tweet….
😉
One thing you can count on with insane rightwhiners. They really hate it when the “librul media” quotes the crazy crap they say! Hopefully this is just the first tiny step towards an epic meltdown that might make people think twice about voting for raging lunatics.
http://www.9news.com/story/news/local/politics/2015/03/31/gordon-kligenschmitt-brandon-rittiman/70730616/
Don’t bet on it – almost half the country thinks the Flintstones is a documentary…
Cynthia Lennon gets a ticket to ride, joins her ex in the afterlife.
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/john-lennons-ex-wife-cynthia-dead-at-75-20150401
Something you don’t wanna hear on April Fools’ Day:
The West says it has ‘reached a broad understanding’ with Iran over its nuke program
QOTD:
“I’ve already used Paul LePage-type characters twice in my books. Greg Stilton, the nutty right-wing Congressman in ‘The Dead Zone’ is one. The other is the monster clown in ‘It.’ Like the clown, Governor LePage is Pennywise… and pound foolish.” — author Stephen King
http://www.msnbc.com/the-last-word/stephen-king-ive-used-paul-lepage-type-characters-my-books
I have some advice for the good Guv. Don’t engage in a war of words with a guy who can turn out a 1,000 page book in a coupe evenings.
Another QOTD:
Nina Burleigh National Politics Correspondent, Newsweek on Lawrence O’Donnell when asked about the RFRA:
“What I find astonishing about it is the way that the presidential candidates jumped onto the Pence side immediately. Jindal, Carson, Cruz, and Bush, the front runner
It was like a premature intolerance ejaculation. And, y’know, there are pills for that at WalMart. You can get them over the counter, and you don’t have to have a prescription.”
“Poor George, born on third base and thought he’d hit a triple” – oh no that’s Molly Ivins another Texas firecracker.
Anti-gay Memories Pizza in Indiana may soon become just that — a memory.
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2015/04/01/the-internet-quickly-destroys-indianas-first-openly-anti-gay-business-screenshots/
I would guess that right about now they’re probably thinking they should have kept their stupid mouths shut.
Or, more likely, are boo-hooing about how mean everyone with a brain is to them.
For fans of both Barack Obama and Lady Gaga