The Watering Hole, Wednesday 5/27/15: Running for President

I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President. Here are a few of my positions on issues important to the American People today. Between now and November 2016, I will post additional policy and platform statements.

Taxes. The problem with trickle-down economics isn’t that it doesn’t work. It is that we have not fully implemented it. We’re still taxing the very rich. We have to change our tax laws so that all income over $1,000,000 a year is not taxed at all. That’s not just wages, but unearned income, too, like dividends and capital gains and interest and rental income, etc. And corporations shouldn’t be taxed at all. After all, taxes on corporations just punish corporations for making a profit. So we must stop discouraging corporations from making profits. That way, everyone wins.

Speaking of profits, there’s lots of ways we keep corporations from making profits and creating jobs. Take the minimum wage. Seriously. Take it, and don’t give it back. People should be paid what they’re worth, not what the government forces job creators to pay. Labor should compete on the open market. Everyone should be free to market their labor, to set their own price. And that includes kids, too. Why force them to go to school. Hell, studies show most of them aren’t learning anything any way. Kids should be free to go out and make money for themselves, if that’s what they want.

Of course, women, on the other hand, were created by God for one purpose: to bear children. Men weren’t. Women need to return to the role God planned for them from the beginning: to be man’s companion and to bear his children. Once we take women out of the workplace, it will free up millions of jobs. Now THAT’S a jobs program that benefits everyone! Unemployment will drop to zero virtually overnight.

The environment. Everyone wants to regulate the environment. But I’m here to tell you it can’t be done. God controls the environment and you cannot regulate God. We need to stop trying. We need to get rid of all those laws that try to regulate the environment because that’s an offense to God. I mean, NO WONDER we’re having all kinds of weird weather lately. By trying to regulate God, we’re incurring God’s just wrath!

God gave man, man, not woman, mind you…God gave MAN dominion over all the earth – to subdue the earth and use its resources for our gain. If we tie up vast amounts of resources in public lands, lands owned by the government, we’re not following God’s command. We must take those lands away from the government and put them to good use creating jobs, giving us energy independence, and creating wealth and security for everyone. This is just being good stewards of the earth that God gave us.

And speaking of God…yes…it is about time we accept the fact that we are a Christian Nation. Now I know all about the First Amendment…and I quote, Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, end quote. But we’ve got a long history of the President issuing executive orders. And, when I’m elected President, that’s just what I’ll do. I will issue an Executive Order establishing the One True Church as the official religion of the United States of America. I’ll keep the tax-exempt status for the One True Church. But all other churches will be shut down because they preach a false doctrine and that does nothing but incur God’s just wrath and punishment. And, frankly, I think the United States has been punished enough.

So, come 2016, vote Briseadh na Faire for President. I’m the only candidate for President who knows what’s best for America; the only candidate who acknowledges up front that I will break each and every one of my campaign promises, and, when I do, you won’t be disappointed!

[Briseadh na Faire – it’s hard to pronounce.]

I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I approve this message.

[BriseadhNaFaireforPresidentisnotaffiliatedwithanyPolitcalActionCommitteenorhasreceivedtheendorcementofTPZoonoranyotherindividualbusinessnonprofitorganizationorgod.]

OPEN THREAD

Non-sequitur:

Why is it that the strongest part of a roll of toilet paper is always the perforations?

45 thoughts on “The Watering Hole, Wednesday 5/27/15: Running for President

  1. I agree that tax reform is an absolute must. I’ve been following the flat tax arguments of Rand Paul and others, and have come up with a flat tax formula that WILL work. I call it the Bifurcated Flat Development (BFD) tax plan because it has two major features, not one. Under this plan, the top 1% will be taxed at a flat rate on ALL income, capital investments included, of 99%. Meanwhile and in order to be fair, the 99% will be taxed at a flat rate of 1%.

    This is basically a trickle-up plan, one where the 99% will have lots more money to spend and therefore help to DEVELOP a rapidly expanding economy, which means the 1% will be making a whole lot more money and profits, 99% of which will then be returned to the gubmint and used to reduce deficits and balance the budget.

    What could possibly go wrong?

  2. You are not a corporation my friend and, you made no promise of a pipeline running through my yard or a chemical factory next to a school contaminating the local water supply so, I cannot vote for you.
    If you promise to drill for oil in The Grand Canyon and make Pat Robertson your adviser I may reconsider.

    • vinyl, I plan on revealing more of my platform in the following weeks. Stay tuned.

  3. The perforations in toilet paper are made by pushing needles thru the paper as opposed to punching out holes. Therefor, the paper that would have been discarded had the holes been punched has been pushed aside, increasing the amount of paper between the perforations making that area stronger than the rest of the paper which tears first!

    Are there any more shitty topics that need clarification?🙂

  4. Today’s post – Rick Sanitation? Is that you? I missed you, I really did….

    • Because before it was non-murderous chaos? Wait. Which century are we talking about again?

      • Rumours abound that his next job will be that of FIFA ethics commission chair

      • “Which century are we talking about again?”

        Remember the opening scene in “2001 – A Space Odyssey”? That century.

        • I couldn’t really tell you then. I never saw that movie. For real.

        • Sorry – just channeling History of the World Part 1…. all those apes jerking off.

  5. No wonder the idiots try to redefine rape. So many of them get caught and need excuses.
    As if only one girl being molested isn’t a ‘big deal’. (spit)

    Ex-state trooper: Jim Bob Duggar lied and told me his son had molested only one girl

  6. via C&L

    Carly Fiorina Bashes Chinese As Dull Thieves

    Well, let’s strike diplomacy from the list of things Carly Fiorina might have been marginally able to do if she were (God forbid!) elected. This little rant on the Chinese is vintage Carly.

    • Actually, quite the opposite is more likely true. Racism exists because of a non-belief in Evolution. Of a belief that some races are superior to others by God’s design. This is what they truly believe.

    • Why are we talking about ‘belief’ in evolution. Evolution is a fact, whether you believe in it or makes no difference.

      And I believe that codifying race hatred as part of one’s religion far pre-dates Charles Darwin’s discovery of the facts of nature that define the animals we are today, as Fru says. Even Joe Smith’s ‘successful con job’ (to paraphrase Hitchens) stated that the pink and pasty coloured humans could lord it over the rest… because… Jesus er Moroni .. or whatever.

      After all weren’t David and Samson and all the rest of the mensch off every Sunday to go lop off a few thousand Philistine foreskins (with or without consent) … because, well, they were not mensch?

      • Biblical racism started with the sons of Ham, iirc. On Noah’s ark, or something like that.

        Fundie whackjobs like to say that evolution is ONLY a THEORY, after all, so it’s basically a meaningless wild guess by the heathen. True, there remains the Theory of Evolution — a falsifiable scientific theory that works to further elucidate all the FACTS of evolution.

        Fundies hate it when I mention that. Oh well.

        • Newton’s Theory of Gravity is also only a theory… and it’s wrong too…. but do you see any of these fuckwits taking a bet against Sir Isaac ? Dickwads.

          • To understand the true concept of a falsifiable theory is, unfortunately, well beyond the mental capabilities of a fundie wingnut. Or of most politicians, for that matter.

      • Brings to mind this quote from another woman of scientific and environmental vision:

        “I do not want to discuss evolution … only touch on it from my own perspective: from the moment when I stood on the Serengeti plains holding the fossilized bones of ancient creatures in my hands to the moment when, staring into the eyes of a chimpanzee, I saw a thinking, reasoning personality looking back. You may not believe in evolution, and that is all right. How we humans came to be the way we are is far less important than how we should act now to get out of the mess we have made for ourselves. How should the mind that can contemplate God relate to our fellow beings, the other life-forms of the world? What is our human responsibility? And what, ultimately, is our human destiny?” ~Jane Goodall in Reason for Hope

  7. Breaking News ‏@BreakingNews 6 minutes ago
    The death penalty is repealed in Nebraska as state Senate overrides veto from Gov. Pete Ricketts

    • Now he’ll have to find a buyer for the lethal injection drugs he was buying from India, or wherever it was. I bet Abbot in Texas will bid on it.

    • They finally figured out that just living in Nebraska is punishment enough!

  8. Dan Savage wants to make Duggar the new Santorum: ‘Clearly duggary needs to be a word’

    • That one will find its way to the urban dictionary just like santorum.

    • Now
      Nothing to see here, move along.

      27 May 2015

      There is no known risk to the general public and there have been no suspected or confirmed cases of anthrax infection as a result of the inadvertent shipment, officials said.

      Then scare the world was announced every 15 minutes…

      FEBRUARY 15, 201111:00 AM ET

Comments are closed.