Marriage, Biblical Style

In the beginning, there was but one man, and he was lonely. So God took a rib out of his side and made a woman. So the first woman was a clone of the first man, but with different pieces-parts.

Then the woman talked to a snake, ate an apple, and realized she wasn’t wearing any clothes. She talked the man into biting the apple so he would realize he wasn’t wearing any clothes either.

The Bible doesn’t say whether the first man and the first woman ever bothered to get married. But they must have, otherwise the entire human race was conceived out of wedlock. A short while later, they had a son, then another son. These sons later took themselves wives. That mean the first man and first woman had daughters.

So, the original Biblical marriage means marrying your sister.

Later on. men could take as many wives, and have as many mistresses he wanted. This, too, is Biblical marriage.

If Republicans are so supportive of Biblical marriage, they should repeal laws against incest and polygamy.

8 thoughts on “Marriage, Biblical Style

  1. Try asking a Christer sometime about wives for the boys. Be prepared to not be liked, however.

    Years ago I wrote a fairly lengthy poem called The Godman and the Skeptic. In it the Godman “explained” things like this:

    “And God made Adam first, then Eve,
    Who were, as you shall see,
    Progenitors of all mankind,
    Kin of humanity.

    “For from their loins came many sons,
    Who married, then produced,
    Our father’s father’s ancestors,
    As, biblically, deduced.

    “Thus, all the Earth is born of God,
    And man’s the child of Eve,
    So, lie thee down in prostrate form
    And hail the Lord! Believe!”

    Later, the Skeptic asked the simple question:

    “And, furthermore, a question, sir,
    About the sons of Eve,
    Whence came the daughters, for her sons,
    Mankind, therefrom, conceived?”

    Godman responded, sort of:

    The godman cringed and raised his hand
    Toward heaven, in disgust,
    “If those are your beliefs, my friend,
    You’ll burn in hell, please trust.

    “For God, I know, has no rapport
    With those who pray to see
    The wisdom He withholds from men
    For all eternity.”

    The truth is, whenever the “Godmen” are asked the simple question that has no answer, they use standard baloney to cover their flops, usually with a little vindictiveness included.

    Which is why I’d like to sit down with pHuckabee and/or Rantorum. Just once is all I ask.🙂

    • Well done, sir, well done!

      “It just is.” Would be the usual answer. Neither logic nor facts needed!

      • Thanks! It was a ball to write, even back in 1989 when things were a bit less nutty than they are today.

        Seems to me I posted it on the Zoo once, a couple or more years ago. I have, since then, put the whole thing here if anyone’s interested.

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