The Watering Hole: Wednesday, September 23, 2015: I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President, Part VI

I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President. Here are a few of my positions on issues important to the American People today. Between now and November 2016, I will post additional policy and platform statements.

Today’s topic du jour: Illegal immigration.

First off, I want to talk about the illegal immigrants that no one wants to talk about: Indians! This is such a verboten subject that we don’t even call them Indians any more – we call them “native Americans”. But there’s nothing “native” about them. They came to American on foot or by boat, just like all the other illegals from Mexico and Canada and Kenya. I say it’s high time we shipped all them Indians back to India where they belong.

And I want to point out that I’m the ONLY candidate with a permanent solution to end illegal immigration within the first year of my term as your President.

I’m not talking about building a wall, or digging a moat. I’m talking about a path that will keep our farmers happy, as they will continue to be able to have their crops tended to by cheap labor that is totally legal.

At every boarder crossing, we’re going to require that everyone who doesn’t have a visa to incorporate under the laws of the State of Delaware. You see, corporations are people, my friends. And people can become corporations. The filing fees are a lot cheaper than paying some smuggler to ship you across the border an dump you in the desert in the middle of the night and leave you to your fate. And once you’re a corporation, you can cross the border freely for economic gain, thanks to NAFTA.

So we would gain millions of new corporations in the agri-business industry. Our crops would get picked on time. And we would no longer have a problem with illegal immigration.

So, come 2016, vote Briseadh na Faire for President. I’m the only candidate for President who knows what’s best for America; the only candidate who acknowledges up front that I will break each and every one of my campaign promises, and, when I do, you won’t be disappointed!

I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I approve this message.

[BriseadhNaFaireforPresidentisnotaffiliatedwithanyPolitcalActionCommitteenorhas receivedtheendorcementofTPZoonoranyotherindividualbusinessnonprofitorganizationorgod.]

OPEN THREAD

57 thoughts on “The Watering Hole: Wednesday, September 23, 2015: I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President, Part VI

  1. It is with great sadness I have to report that Yogi Berra has passed away.

    Yogi Berra: Unforgettable and incomparable

    For just about every day during his long, rich and incredibly accomplished adult life in the public eye, it was impossible to think about Yogi Berra without smiling.

    Until now. Lawrence Peter (Yogi) Berra, the beloved catcher who was a member of 10 New York Yankees world championship teams, a three-time American League MVP and a Hall of Famer, has died. He was 90.

  2. That’s a clever idea: incorporating immigrants so that they can work freely in different countries. Not only is it brilliant satire, but it underscores an important point that is seldom, if ever expressed in the media.

    When people who own things for a living do business across international borders, it’s called “Free Trade,” and receives praise from the pundits and politicians. When people who work for a living cross international borders, it’s frowned upon and even vilified.

  3. You haven’t mentioned any running mates or your position on casino capitalism with regard to Wall Street.

    • He’d do well to have RUC as his running mate. After all, my RUCLyingBastard-o-meter might come in handy as a Veep…

    • Later, my friend. There are more important issues right now than who I go jogging with or which of Trump’s casinos on Wall Street have gone bankrupt.

  4. First day of Autumn!
    That means that Charbucks can start selling their pumpkin spice latte bildgewater for $17.00

  5. From The New Internet Union of American Citizens

    Any candidate who wants to bar members of a certain religion from public service should take a walk around Arlington.

  6. via RS

    Anti-Muslim militiaman seeks gas money to ‘arrest’ Michigan Democrat for ‘treason’ over Iran deal

    The 31-year-old Ritzheimer and other militia members plan to travel Oct. 10 from Arizona to Michigan, where they plan to take advantage of the state’s “lax gun laws” and strong militia presence to arrest Stabenow.

    However, he claims the group, which he said would include Texas militia members, would continue arresting other elected officials — up to and including President Barack Obama — who backed the Iran deal.

    “I have been to war and I do not want to see bloodshed in our own country,” said Ritzheimer, who admits he was dishonorably discharged for violating the Marines’ tattoo policy.

  7. Syria war spurs opening of ‘doomsday’ Arctic seed vault

    The seeds, including samples of wheat, barley and grasses suited to dry regions, have been requested by researchers elsewhere in the Middle East to replace seeds in a gene bank near the Syrian city of Aleppo that has been damaged by the war.

  8. Timely: Yogi and the Pope —

    Reporter: “I understand you had an audience with the Pope.”

    Yogi: “No, but I saw him.”

    Reporter: “Did you get to talk to him?”

    Yogi: “I sure did. We had a nice little chat.”

    Reporter: “What did he say?”

    Yogi: “You know, he must read the papers a lot, because he said, ‘Hello, Yogi.'”

    Reporter: “And what did you say?”

    Yogi: “I said, ‘Hello, Pope.'”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/yogi-berra-pope-anecdote_5602af4de4b00310edf9490a

    • huh, the link I thought I posted vanished. Not worth retrying — just dig into Berkeley Breathed’s cartoons, which are publicly available on Facebook, and imagine which one I tried to post here.

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