I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I’m running for President. Here are a few of my positions on issues important to the American People today. Between now and November 2016, I will post additional policy and platform statements.
Today’s topic du jour: Illegal immigration.
First off, I want to talk about the illegal immigrants that no one wants to talk about: Indians! This is such a verboten subject that we don’t even call them Indians any more – we call them “native Americans”. But there’s nothing “native” about them. They came to American on foot or by boat, just like all the other illegals from Mexico and Canada and Kenya. I say it’s high time we shipped all them Indians back to India where they belong.
And I want to point out that I’m the ONLY candidate with a permanent solution to end illegal immigration within the first year of my term as your President.
I’m not talking about building a wall, or digging a moat. I’m talking about a path that will keep our farmers happy, as they will continue to be able to have their crops tended to by cheap labor that is totally legal.
At every boarder crossing, we’re going to require that everyone who doesn’t have a visa to incorporate under the laws of the State of Delaware. You see, corporations are people, my friends. And people can become corporations. The filing fees are a lot cheaper than paying some smuggler to ship you across the border an dump you in the desert in the middle of the night and leave you to your fate. And once you’re a corporation, you can cross the border freely for economic gain, thanks to NAFTA.
So we would gain millions of new corporations in the agri-business industry. Our crops would get picked on time. And we would no longer have a problem with illegal immigration.
So, come 2016, vote Briseadh na Faire for President. I’m the only candidate for President who knows what’s best for America; the only candidate who acknowledges up front that I will break each and every one of my campaign promises, and, when I do, you won’t be disappointed!
I’m Briseadh na Faire, and I approve this message.