The Watering Hole, Wednesday, 02/03/2016: New ObamaCare Law Takes Effect in 2016

A little known provision of the Affordable Care Act, or ObamaCare as it is more popularly called, took effect on January 1, 2016. This provision puts breastmilk under the auspices of the Food and Drug Administration. The FDA, working under a total media blackout, rolled out the implementation of this aspect of ObamaCare earlier this month.

Under the newly implemented provisions of ObamaCare, all mothers who indicate they plan to nurse their newborns must register with the federal government. Following registration, they are required to submit samples of their breastmilk for testing on a weekly basis. Their milk will be tested for drugs, alcohol and the presence of garlic.

A positive test for illicit drugs will result in a warrant for the mother’s arrest. A positive test for alcohol will result in a referral to child protective services. If the mother’s breastmilk tests positive for the presence of garlic, a government breastmilk taste tester will be assigned to visit the mother and taste-test her milk. The mother will not be allowed to use a breast pump or otherwise express her milk for the breastmilk taste tester as exposing the breastmilk to air affects its taste.

Mothers whose milk tastes positive for garlic will be issued a warning. Subsequent violations will result in a court-order enjoining them from breast feeding until at least two successive garlic-free tests. Refusal to submit to the taste-test is punishable with a $500 fine and a ban on nursing until consent to submit to the taste test is granted.

Government records regarding the implementation of this aspect of ObamaCare remain sealed. It is impossible to tell how many nursing mothers have been arrested or have had their newborns taken away by child protective services as a result of this new law.

Likewise, the government is silent as to how often it has sent out its breastmilk taste testers. However, a spokesperson for the FDA, who spoke on condition of anonymity, assured that the taste testers have all undergone a rigorous 6-month training program to learn proper suckling techniques as well as to distinguish between the presence of garlic as compared to onion or other herbs or spices in breastmilk.

This is our OPEN THREAD. Feel free to comment on this, or any other outrage you can think of.

 

23 thoughts on “The Watering Hole, Wednesday, 02/03/2016: New ObamaCare Law Takes Effect in 2016

      • If you look at that picture just right and use a little imagination, you can see
        “Busted” Lipless Ted Cruz caught lying.
        And he’s not taking it well.

    • …how are you? Have you been alright?
      Through all those lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely nights
      That’s what I’d say, I’d tell you everything
      If you’d pick up that telephone, yeah yeah yeah

    • ….this is Joni, I’m sorry that I’m not home
      but if you leave your name and number
      I’ll return your call when you get home

  1. More real journalism and honest commentary from Cenk. Can anyone even imagine one of the Big Three nightly “news” shows spending ten minutes going through the newly released report point by point? The closest we will get to that is seven minutes of Judy Woodruff allowing some rightwhiner to lie without challenge and ending the “very serious discussion” with my least favorite six words; “we’ll have to leave it there”. And, I suppose, that Rachel Maddow will do a good job covering it but even “lefty” bloggers don’t seem to watch her any more.

  2. I might have conceived the ultimate political bumper sticker.

    “Stupid people raise ignorant children.”

    The real beauty of it is that the stupid people won’t realize it’s directed at them so they won’t vandalize your car!

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