An Open Letter to The Ruling Class from We The People
Dear Ruling Class:
- We The People are tired of running this country. We don’t want the responsibility that goes with being a voting member of a democratic republic. Please take away our right to vote.
- We the People are tired of thinking. Thinking takes too much effort. Please tell us what we need to know in as few words as possible. Three word phrases are great. Nice and catchy. Easy to remember. Short and sweet.
- We the People are tired of caring. We’re emotionally burnt out. Whether it’s abandoned puppies in animal shelters or polar bears starving in the Artic because of something that’s going on that takes too much thought to figure out – enough already. We get it. We’re supposed to care for these helpless creatures. But we can barely afford to feed our family and pay our rent. We just don’t have the emotional reserves to care about anything anymore.
- We the People are tired of deciding what’s best for us. We want you to decide for us on some of the most basic decisions, especially when it comes to being pregnant. We want you to make the decision on whether our women should have the option of having an abortion or having an unwanted child. We want you to decide whether we should have access to birth control. Or even if we should know about birth control in the first place. That’s just too much responsibility for us.
- We the People are tired of having our jobs shipped overseas. We want you to abolish the minimum wage, so that we may compete with workers in other countries on an equal footing. We know that in a competitive market, the lowest price gets the business and with the minimum wage, We the People cannot work for the lowest price.
- We the People are tired of public education. Our kids complain about homework and testing all the time. Frankly, we’re tired of our children whining. Please take mandatory schooling laws off the books so we don’t have to send our kids to school any more. We’re tired of Back to School Night, of Science Fairs, and endless fundraising. Since public schools are failing, We the People are tired of wasting our tax money on them. Parents that want their kids to receive an education should pay for it out of their own pockets. Unless they send their children to a Christian School. In that case, we want our government to pay for it. It’s only fair, because we are a Christian Nation.
- We the People are tired of hearing about things we can’t control. Things like the climate. Or safe drinking water. Or breathable air. Or safe food. We know you control the media, so please stop telling us we can’t drink the water or breath the air or eat certain foods. Time after time we have voted against GMO labeling. What part of “We don’t want to know” do you not understand?
We know that what is best for you is best for us, for you have told us so. And so we give you everything you want, and in return, you keep us safe from terrorists and gays and transgendered people using our bathrooms.
Oh, and thank you for repealing the assault weapons ban. We the People sleep soundly at night, comforted in the thought that we have more guns per person that any other civilized country on Earth. Just in case we need to kill an intruder. Or rise up in rebellion against a government that takes away our freedumbs.