Breaking Gnus: Asstroid Headed for Earth

Amateur Astrologist Hugo DeGasse is credited with discovering a new asstroid earlier this month using a crude radio-telescope made from parts he bought at a Radio Shack going-out-of-business sale.

NASA confirmed the sighting and explained the reason why it escaped their detection. This asstroid is unusual, a NASA spokesperson explained, in that it is made up entirely of frozen methane. While NASA’s equipment was geared for picking up the spectral signature of water-based comets and mineral-based asstroids, Hugo’s crude telescope was fortunately capable of detecting only methane-based objects in the night sky, which made locating this asstroid quite easy for him.

The asstroid is on course to arrive in the Earth’s atmosphere in early November. Current computer-based trajectories indicate it will be a near-miss as it penetrates the atmosphere somewhere over the western Atlantic Ocean in the northern hemisphere. From there it will pass over the eastern seaboard of the United States, cross the Appalachians and burn up in the atmosphere in a bright blue explosion somewhere over the Midwest. Although the asstroid is not expected to cause injuries, NASA scientists warn that people with breathing problems should remain indoors as the object passes overhead, as unburnt methane would likely leave a stench that will last for at least a day.

The asstroid has already been named Hugo DeGasse, after the man who first spotted the now-identified flying object.

3 thoughts on “Breaking Gnus: Asstroid Headed for Earth

  1. So we have to endure the stink of an asstroid as well as the stink of a grafter named Drumpf, who will also burn out in November?
    Oh, wait… I gets it…Snarkasm.

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