Hump Day, 9/11/19: Trump Declares Victory over Hurricane Dorian

In a speech meant to commemorate the events of Nine-One-One, Trump veered off course and declared a “complete, total, victory” over Hurricane Dorian. He took full credit for “saving the good people of Alabama” from the effects of the hurricane.

“I could have nuked the hurricane” he said. “Could have. But didn’t. And that would have put an end to it while it was still over the Bahamas. But I didn’t.” Trump held up his “Magic Sharpie Map.”

Trump displays the highly classified NOAA Map showing Hurricane Dorian hitting Alabama.

Trump told the sparse audience at his rain-soaked Mar-a-Lago resort where he spent the week golfing and nominating club members for federal judicialships that he alone deflected Dorian’s path. “I drew other maps, maps that are highly classified. Highly classified. Because they worked. These other maps, drawn with my magic sharpie, which you can all buy a copy of, by the way. Won’t work as good as mine. Yours won’t have my magic in them, but they will bear my official signature, which is magical, by the way. Very magical.”

“I took my sharpie…magical sharpie….and I drew a line showing Hurricane Dorian curving away from Florida, away from this beautiful spot where you are now all standing, and up the coast. And guess what….the hurricane obeyed me. It followed my map.”

A polite round of applause ensued, whereupon Trump declared “I am the Chosen One.”

This, of course, was portrayed by CN”Fake News” Network as Trump talking about trade talks with China once more. The Liberal Left refuses to acknowledge that Trump has the power to change the weather.

However, when it comes to magic, and being the Chosen One, Trump has competition from the other side of the pond.

3 thoughts on “Hump Day, 9/11/19: Trump Declares Victory over Hurricane Dorian

  1. Now that Trump has admitted to being the ‘chosen one’, the USPS will redirect all mail addressed to Santa Claus, to the White House.

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