Trump Sues for Breach of Contract

Trump’s lawyers, running out of legal arguments to overturn the 2020 election, have filed a lawsuit alleging breach of contract. The lawsuit names The Devil, aka Satan, as the sole defendant and alleges a contract between Trump and Satan. Trump alleges he fulfilled his obligations under the contract, i.e. that he gave his soul to the Devil, and the Devil did not live up to his contractual obligations.

Trump is seeking a court order to force the Devil to overturn the 2020 election plus pay punitive damages in excess of $1 billion. If the Devil fails to respond to the litigation, Trump will win by default. Legal scholars disagree as to whether U.S. courts have jurisdiction over Hades, and the matter will likely head to the Supreme Court, assuming Team Trump can show personal service of the lawsuit on Satan.

Update: Nancy Pelosi’s office refused to accept service of the summons and complaint late yesterday. In a press release, the Speaker’s office stated, “Contrary to popular belief, the Speaker of the House of Representatives in not the Devil’s Advocate.”