BREAKING GNUS: TSA UNION SUGGESTS MANDATING TSA SECURITY CHECKPOINTS ACROSS AMERICA

Seizing an opportunity to greatly increase its membership, the head of the TSA labor union is floating a proposal amongst Congress to fund airport-type checkpoints at all public schools. “That way,” a spokesperson commented, “No one gets in without their backpack scanned and undergoing a full body x-ray for weapons.” She acknowledged students would have to show up for classes at least two hours ahead of the start of the school day, but added it’s a small price to pay for their safety and security noting that there have been no mass shootings past the security checkpoints since TSA began enforcing airport security in the wake of 9/11.

If the security checkpoints at schools takes hold, the union plans to expand its scope to include shopping malls, Walmarts, grocery stores, movie theaters, places of worship, and freeway on-ramps.