Ted Cruz, the Cuban-Canadian socialist-Marxist libertarian from Texas has thrown his hat into the presidential race. With his hair, he should put it back on. Same goes for Trump.
But in bigger news, Hobby Lobby, the for-profit conservative Christian corporation, will be announcing its bid on Palm Sunday. “Like the Savior, riding in on a donkey, Hobby Lobby will lead the way to peace, salvation and craft goods from China” reads one draft of their impending announcement. Hobby Lobby won the corporate right to discriminate based on religion, and intends to expand that right to all government services.
Exxon-Mobile is said to be mulling over the idea of running, as is Monsanto, who, for the last decade has been secretly trying to clone Ronald Reagan.
We here at The Zoo intercepted confidential emails from certain Republican Senator’s private email accounts that appear to be circulating a draft of a second letter to Iran:
An Open Letter to the Leaders of the Islamic Republic of Iran
Given the response to our letter a week ago, We True Patriots and Members of the Senate of the United States of America, feel it necessary to clarify a few points that the global media has taken out of context.
First, while the Senate does not “ratify” a treaty, our Constitution gives the Senate the power to scuttle any deal made between the President and any foreign nation. That’s because it takes a two thirds vote of the Senate to concur for any treaty to take effect. As to this, our track record is clear. There is no way Obama is going to get a two thirds vote from this Senate for any treaty he negotiates.
So you can forget about getting a Treaty with the United States. The best you can hope for is a deal and a handshake from Obama. And we can assure you that we will do everything we can to defund any implementation of that deal from our side.
So you need to forget about trying to negotiate with Obama. We invite you to come and address a joint session of Congress. We will give you an international forum to tell the world what a terrible job Obama is doing and how his attempts at achieving peace in the Middle East are doomed to fail.
We Republican Senators hold the ultimate power in this Constitutional Republic. Only by negotiating directly with us will you stand a chance of not getting nuked as soon as we get a Republican President.
Again, we hope this clarifies your understanding of our Constitutional system of government where the Senate has the ultimate power to reign in an uppity President, especially when it comes to negotiating with radical Islamists such as yourselves.
Tom Cotton & a whole bunch of other Senators who refuse to negotiate with Obama and other Islamic terrorists.
(OPEN MOUTH – INSERT FOOT)
BOEHNER SEEKS ARREST WARRANT FOR HILLARY CLINTON
Court records from the Southern Texas Federal District Court indicate that John Boehner is seeking an arrest warrant for the arrest of Hillary Clinton for violating a law that will be enacted as soon as a Republican President is elected. A copy of the future law was attached to the application for the arrest warrant.
The law will make it a federal offence to be a Registered Democrat, punishable by the loss of the right to vote, the right to run for public office, and the right to a fair trial. The law that will be enacted on January 20, 2017, within hours of the swearing in of a Republican President, will be retroactive to January 1, 2015, the date Republicans gained control of the Senate following the disastrously low turnout in the 2014 elections that sealed the fate of the Democratic Party.
So far, the District Court Judge has yet to make a ruling on Boehner’s request for Hillary’s arrest, expressing reservations of acting on the retroactive application of a prospective law.
The Boehner camp is already gearing up, however, for an all-out press-release barrage accusing Hillary of breaking a federal law. Indications point to comparing this new revelation about Hillary with the news about her breaking email laws that had not yet been enacted and her role in Benghazi.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, REPUBLICANS WILL, IN THE FUTURE,
RETROACTIVELY BAN FREE SPEACH
Yesterday saw Boehner playing presidential vis-a-vis Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech to Congress, at Boehner’s invitation. You see, the Constitution, ya know, that document that conservatives love to waive around when it comes to original intent and proving we’re a Christian Nation, says that the President has the power to make treaties, not the Speaker of the House.
The Executive Branch, not Congress, takes the lead on foreign relations. Netanyahu just gave the Jewish stamp of approval to Congress going behind the President’s back. The phrase “be careful of what you wish for” comes to mind.
For Article Two of the Constitution also gives the President the power to convene both Houses of Congress, or either of them. It’s high time the President exercised his power to keep Congress in session until they pass legislation to help we, the people, instead of catering to the wishes of the 1%. It’s time for Congress to give up its spring breaks, holidays, vacations and campaign season until we have full employment, tuition-free college, universal health care, equal pay for women, marriage equality, etc., etc., etc.
FIVE MINUTES AFTER TOMORROW
an opera in one act
© 2015 briseadh na Faire
A war-torn cell. Poorly lit. A MAN enters dragging a WOMAN. Her hands are bound behind her back. He flings the woman onto a chair.
WOMAN: If you brought me here to kill me, get it over
MAN: If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already.
WOMAN: Well, why not!
Go ahead, pull the trigger!
Go ahead, pull the trigger!
You’re nothing but a beast!
MAN: A beast am I?
WOMAN: No, lower than a beast.
A beast does not kill for the sheer pleasure.
A beast kills for a reason.
MAN: And you think I have no reason to kill?
Even a beast kills for self-preservation.
Read on, if you wish. otherwise OPEN THREAD Continue reading
Someone said climate change deniers don’t know the difference between weather & climate. But if you ask them, they will tell you that they do know the difference: weather is if you’re going to have sex. Climate is what happens when you do. Abstinence Only sex education is prevalent amongst True Christians. So are an unprecedented number of immaculate conceptions. Sarah Palin was asked to host a return of that old game show, “What’s my Line?” She declined because she thought it was a trick question. Ted Cruz wants more border guards on the U.S. – Canadian border. He claims he’s proof positive there are crazy people in Canada wanting to come to the U.S. Last time around, Mitt Romney came in second in numerous Republican Primaries, to capture the nomination and come in second to Barak Obama. This time, Mitt is not running, with the hopes that he’ll come in first in 2016. Obama is set to approve the Keystone Pipeline, if Congress makes two minor modifications. Instead of running north-south and piping oil, he wants it to go east-west and pipe snow. Michelle Obama is hinting at running for president in 2016. It’s hard to tell if she’s serious, or just wants to see the talking heads at Fox explode on the air. Koch Brothers say if they don’t get their Keystone Pipeline, they’ll buy France, just out of spite.
After Sarah Palin’s most recent speech, the makers of Scrabble have released a new game: Word Salad.
Instead of letters on the tiles, they contain words. The object of the game is to string together 7 words into a complete, but incomprehensible sentence, with bonus points if it actually matches a sentence spoken by the half-governor.
SO, THIS OPEN THREAD THINGIE, HOW’S THAT WERKIN’ OUT FER YER?