Just when I thought I’d never laugh again Trump posted this on twitter:
And the Scots managed to rise to the occasion. I have rarely seen such a collection of choice swearwords.
Here are my favourites:
“Sentient enema” wasn’t all that bad either. I stopped counting easy ones like “fuckwad”, “fuck-knuckle” or “twat-stick”. I rather liked “nylon-haired shit stain”.
The following was rather ingenious, too:
For a favourite I have this classic (with audio in the timeline):
Here’s the audio (click the pic.twitter link):
I second those thoughts and want to add that I am looking forward to welcoming Scotland in the EU.
I laughed myself stupid watching this on facebook, so I thought I would share the wealth, sotospeak.
With all the god-damned bullets and tRump shit flying around, I think bouncy round animals are just what the doctor ordered.
Just so you know, I was totally out of town on the day of the zebra shoot, but that could have been Jane falling out of the tree. 😉
Here’s a longer version…so very wrong. 😆
Happy Father’s Day, all you dads. My dad would have LOVED the round animals. 🙂
This is our daily open thread — Please discuss this important issue.
Our friend TtT had the privilege to watch a match of the current Rugby World Cup today. I am officially jealous.
Have a lovely Sunday everybody!
Ok, so for the next few months, if you’re in a “swing” State, you’ll be inundated with SuperPAC commercials designed to get you to vote against your own best interests. We will also be systematically bombarded with messages from the Mainstream Media designed to influence our thinking.
IT’S ALL A SHOW. IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER.
If the Powers That Be really want Obama out, all they have to do is raise gas prices to about $5.00/gallon. Instead, gas prices are going down, heading into the summer vacation season. That’s not to say they won’t go up between now and the election – but they are an accurate predictor of where our economy will head. So, pay attention to the pump, not the talking heads.
Ok, that’s my $0.0199 cents. And you?
EVERYTHING I SAID
DOESN’T REALLY MATTER
While there are many websites with various illustrations of “paraprosdokians” (from two Greek words translated as “against expectation”), most of these are from an email that a colleague forwarded. I added a few extras from some of the sites that I visited. Enjoy!
PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.)
Here is the definition [although, when googling this, one site said that the word is not in the Oxford English Dictionary]:
Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.” “Where there’s a will, I want to be in it,” is a type of paraprosdokian. [Sounds like the basis of most stand-up routines by comedians, doesn’t it?]
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
26. Where there’s a will, there are relatives.
27. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
28. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
29. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
30. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others — whenever they go.
31. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
32. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
33. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
34. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
35. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
And, of course, one of Wayne’s favorite jokes:
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
This is our Open Thread: have fun with it, or discuss whatever’s on your mind.
More from “Bad Lip Reading“.
Something light and silly for a relaxing Sunday afternoon.. From Terry Border of “Bent Objects“.
Mr. P.B. O’Bread searches for his other half.
First, the ‘official photo’ of the Speaker of the House of Representatives, from his government website…
Second, the Grinch, from Chuck Jones’ classic telling of Dr Seuss’ Christmas story…
The same feverish glint in the eyes…
The greasy, self-satisfied, impish smirk…
Or in reality, are these three evil triplets… hideous demon spawn separated at birth?
You make the call!!!
One final observation, before moving on…
Please note, dear reader, how perfectly color coordinated the Speaker is in that photo… the way the orange of his tie is a dead match for the hue of his skin, and how the blue of the polka dots in the tie syncs up with the shirt and his eyes… it’s like he did it on purpose…
Who said it? Take the Palin or Bachmann quiz.
Cabin fever setting in? 😀
Sarah Palin speaking at the Tea Party in Nashville, TN.
Part 1 of 5
How nice, she ends by using her child — AGAIN — and flogging the old Ronnie Raygun dog.
UPDATE: Writing notes on your hand is so 5th grade. The Quitter needs a teleprompter. *wink*
This could be fun.. Here’s the open thread for Thursday December 31, 2009.
Here are a couple of the funniest videos I saw in 2009. Feel free to share the funniest videos that you came across this year!
This one still cracks me up.. Who could forget Nadia Suleman giving birth to her eight babies..
What made you laugh in 2009?
Shoshanna Johnson, a former POW in Iraq, tears this former JAG officer a new one….
…and Markos Moulitsas puts Tom Tancredo in his place.
Here’s a hint people of Wingnuttia, do your research before spouting off at the mouth! Know who you’re talking to!
Ohhhh, what am I saying? These idiots don’t know that the tubes and wires of the YouTubes make a record of just about every word they say.
Carry on as usual…
Some new applications for the IPhone….
(h/t to NicolasC at DailyKos for the link)
Ever wish songs just sang about what was happening in the video?
Mullet with headlights…
I must be tired. This had me in tears, I was laughing so hard.
Bill Maher and Richard Dawkins.
It’s not everyday I get to post a title like that…
I’m looking forward to the Homokakapoans. 😉
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Don’t get on that ship, Mr Beck! “To Serve Man,” it’s a cookbook!!
Oh my god, my sides are splitting. Keith really outdoes himself this time. 😀
H/T to Sauerkraut at Run4Chocolate. The British take on American health insurance.
I laughed myself silly watching this. Rachel and Kent hit the nail on the head with their hilarious analogy of the G(No)P’s reaction to health care reform.
Is there joy to be found amongst the town hall screamers? Well, yeah!
There’s a funny thing about most Americans — we can laugh at anything!
HT: Huffington Post
We took a trip to the beach last weekend and stayed in a hundred year old hotel. Wonderful place! No phones, and no TV. All the rooms are based on famous authors. We stayed in the Agatha Christie room. It was filled with clues to a murder mystery…
There are two ‘hotel kitties’ that roam about freely. This kitty, Shelley, came to visit us the last day, and jumped on the bed to take it’s nap—like it owned the place. Cute..
~ Photo by nwmuse