Sunday Roast: Trump Trouble & Debate Live-Blogging

The truly funny part about this video is that it was posted in July.  Randy Rainbow just had a feeling, I guess…but I don’t need to know the details.

Soooo, in a continuation of the Great Emasculation, Hillary Clinton and Donald “Tic Tac” Trump will appear at a town hall style forum in St Louis, MO (6 pm, PT), wherein inexplicably undecided voters will ask questions of the candidates.

Hillary will attempt to behave in a statesman-like manner, while barely containing her giggles and snorts in regard to the state of her opponent’s campaign; and Donald will flop and flail around like a potty-mouthed steelhead landed next to the fish ladder — you almost made it, little guy! — and will probably say something that will cause me to choke on my popcorn within the first 15 minutes.

Join us, whether you’re just hanging out in the comments section, or doing hard-hitting live commentary on the 2016 presidential race (somebody should, I guess), or just pointing and laughing your ass off like the rest of us.

EDIT:  Here’s one of the places you can watch the aforementioned clusterfuck:

This is our daily open thread — Drinking game = Death

Sunday Roast: Happy Zooniversary!!

Freddie just owns that whole stadium, doesn’t he?  Absolutely fantastic.  🙂

Anyhoo, I guess TheZoo has been a thing for a little over eight years — which is kinda nuts, actually — but in a good way!

Our Critters and Zoosters “met” about ten years ago on the ThinkProgress blog, when it was just a wee little thing with barely any comments.  Awwww, it was so cute.  Damn, look at it now!!  As good things tend to go on the interwebs, it eventually became overwhelmed with smelly ol’ trolls and several of us decided to just bug out — hence TheZoo!

We used to be a more serious blog, with lots of political posts, cartoons, and massive snark, which was linked on occasion by Crooks & Liars and ThinkProgress itself.  Srsly, cool, right?

These days we’re a comfy little online neighborhood pub, with daily open threads by the Critters containing wisdom, poetry, essays on politics/religion, photos, videos, the occasional bizarre rant (usually by that Zooey nutter), live-blogging political debatey-type things, and a multitude of insightful/snarky/sarcastic/snide/thoughtful/naughty comments by our loyal and well-loved Zoosters.

Thank you so much for hanging out, all y’all, and Happy Eight Years, everyone!

This is our daily open thread — Party on!

State of the Union speech, 2015 — live-blogging


(photo source)

It’s that time of year again — the President will paint a sunny picture of the state of this nation, and will talk about things he’d like to do this year, even though he knows this Congress isn’t going to do anything thing but keep his veto pen busy.  Fun times.

Who will heckle the President this year?  Which SCOTUS members will be present and absent?  How many times will the Dems pop up for applause, and how many times will the Repubs boo?  Which Fox “News” pundit will trash the speech before it’s even given?  How many members of Congress will be spending time on their phones, instead of giving the President the slightest bit of respect?

It’s open season, when live-blogging on TheZoo, on the Prez and Congress, which means everything is fair game:  Clothes, ties, hair-dos, hugs, praising the POTUS for good stuff, and giving him hell for bad stuff.  Knock yourselves out, Zoosters.

Make sure you stay tuned for the Repub and Tea Party responses to the SOTU, because Sen Joni Ernst, the pig castrater from Iowa, will be hollering the Repub response; and Rep Curt Clawson, the clueless they can’t be from Amurka if their skin is brown and they have funny names idiot from Florida, will confidently spew Teabagger crapola.

I’m not encouraging drinking games, but feel free to BYOB and party on.  I’ll be abstaining from the evils of drink this evening, so I’ll make sure y’all are laying on your sides, and will turn out the lights when I leave.  We don’t want a repeat of last year’s SOTU party — whatever might have happened…

A year at TheZoo — 2012 in review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

About 55,000 tourists visit Liechtenstein every year. This blog was viewed about 380,000 times in 2012. If it were Liechtenstein, it would take about 7 years for that many people to see it. Your blog had more visits than a small country in Europe!

Click here to see the complete report.

Sunday Roast: New Critters in TheZoo

In case you’ve lost track, TheZoo has adopted a few more Critters!  Here’s the run-down:

1)  5thState!  He has a blog of his own called, oddly enough, 5thState, and his specialty is the epic blog post, with generous helpings of British humor.  He has kindly accepted our offer to bring him into the strange world of Critterdom.  Look for his posts coming up soon!

2)  Leftside Annie!  She also has a blog of her own, called Welcome to the Leftside, wherein she kicks ass and takes names, and does so with a sharp wit, sharper tongue, and a great big heart.

3)  Hoodathunk!  He’s been a friend of TheZoo for quite a while now, and we enjoyed his stories, humor, and recipes so much that we had to have him for our own.  Welcome, Wisconsin badger, we look forward to your posts!  And recipes (hint).

4)  Frugal Chariot!  One of the elder statesmen of TheZoo, published author, blogger (Frugalchariot’s Blog), poet, romantic, all around fine gentleman, and now a Critter.  His contributions in the comments section are stellar, so we can’t wait to read his blog posts.  No pressure, srsly.  😉

Please join TheZoo in welcoming these wonderful new Zoo Critters.

This is our daily open thread — you know what to do.

Please welcome our newest Critter: Leftside Annie!

Hey all you Critters and Zoosters (and lurkers), please join me in welcoming Leftside Annie as our newest and shiniest Critter!

I have admired her sharp wit, great sense of humor, and amazing writing skills since before the Zoo existed.  Leftside Annie doesn’t suffer fools gladly, and that makes her a great fit for the Zoo.

Watch out, blogosphere!

The GOP debate, or as we like to call it, the Klusterphucky Derby

In lieu of a drinking game during tonight’s GOP “debate,” which would be highly dangerous and irresponsible, TheZoo is hosting our version of a pub quiz.  The following items are weighing heavily on our minds and this “debate” comes at the perfect time to help us get the answers we need.  Also, feel free to live-blog the “debate” as long as you can stand it.

Who will be the first to

  • Spit foam from their mouth?
  • Turn their head a full 360°?
  • Speak in tongues?
  • Condemn the other candidates to Hell?
  • Speak the name Sarah Palin?  Anyone…?
  • Use President Obama’s middle name?
  • To say Osama instead of Obama?
  • Call Obama a terrorist?
  • Use the word “Obamacare?”
  • Lie about jobs figures/failed stimulus?
  • Call the President the worst president in history?
  • Claim tax cuts create jobs/increase revenue?
  • Say “Reagan cut taxes?”
  • Claim “We don’t have a revenue problem, we have a spending problem?”
  • Make a crack about birth certificates?
  • Make a Weiner joke?
  • Make a Trump joke?
  • Claim that ours is a “Christian nation?”
  • Lie about the intent of the Founding Fathers?
  • Invoke God?
  • Blame Obama for the Bush recession?
  • Blame progressives/liberals for all problems in America?
  • Use the word “crazy” in reference to one of the other candidates?
  • Say “Actually, I am a Qook from the planet Zog, and I have taken human form – here’s my birth certificate!

Questions we’d like answered

  • Would you knowingly hire any gay people to work for you?  Muslims?
  • Does this look infected?
  • Do you support Man-Dog marriage?
  • Could you open this jar for me?
  • Do atheists have rights under the Constitution?
  • Will you choose an imaginary friend as your running mate?
  • Will you admit, on this stage tonight, that the movie Atlas Shrugged, Part 1 sucked out loud?
  • Hey sailor, new in town?


  • Bonus points for beginning a response with “The American people want/don’t want…”
  • First round of pearl-clutching – Shelley or Newt?
  • Who won the bigotry competition?
  • Who is the most likely to cut taxes?
  • Who could flip-flop better than a flounder?
  • Best at stroking pearls?
  • Biggest/gaudiest flag pin?
  • Biggest/gaudiest cross?
  • Carrying Bible?  Packing heat?

Final round…for the Grand Prize!  Which candidate was

  • Dumb
  • Dumber
  • Dumbest

No Triskaidekaphobia Here!

Fear of the number 13 has purportedly been around since ancient times and has been attributed to various sources, from the Babylonian Code of Hammurabi, to Christian tradition, to the Norse Vikings, as well as to the early Persians.  However, the number 13 is considered lucky by today’s Birthday Boy, and is his favorite number.


Rapture Party!!

The end of the world as we know it...?

Well, the world is supposed to end today.  Again.  I guess I won’t have to pay back my student loans.  🙂

But if the end doesn’t come today, there may still be some hope for the doom and gloom crowd!  Sir Issac Newton calculated that the Apocalypse could not happen before 2060, so at least we that to look forward to.  Maybe Harold Camping will discover that he forgot to carry the 6, and his gullible followers will once again have a reason to carry around dumb signs while they demonstrate to their families why they should be medicated immediately.

But this is a party!  Rule #1:  There are no rules.  Clothing optional (just in case); open bar; soft drinks and snacks abound (get yours before the polar bear gets here); and please compliment the chimp waitstaff on their sexy Cat Woman outfits (they’ll have new appreciation for their little tuxedos next time).

Join us in the comments section with your sense of humor in-tact, your past Rapture experiences, dirty jokes, clean jokes, and as always, remember that there is no valet parking for the Rapture party.