Sunday Roast: Trump Trouble & Debate Live-Blogging

The truly funny part about this video is that it was posted in July.  Randy Rainbow just had a feeling, I guess…but I don’t need to know the details.

Soooo, in a continuation of the Great Emasculation, Hillary Clinton and Donald “Tic Tac” Trump will appear at a town hall style forum in St Louis, MO (6 pm, PT), wherein inexplicably undecided voters will ask questions of the candidates.

Hillary will attempt to behave in a statesman-like manner, while barely containing her giggles and snorts in regard to the state of her opponent’s campaign; and Donald will flop and flail around like a potty-mouthed steelhead landed next to the fish ladder — you almost made it, little guy! — and will probably say something that will cause me to choke on my popcorn within the first 15 minutes.

Join us, whether you’re just hanging out in the comments section, or doing hard-hitting live commentary on the 2016 presidential race (somebody should, I guess), or just pointing and laughing your ass off like the rest of us.

EDIT:  Here’s one of the places you can watch the aforementioned clusterfuck:

This is our daily open thread — Drinking game = Death

Comic Relief – Scots insult Trump -NSFW

Just when I thought I’d never laugh again Trump posted this on twitter:

And the Scots managed to rise to the occasion. I have rarely seen such a collection of choice swearwords.

Here are my favourites:

“Sentient enema” wasn’t all that bad either. I stopped counting easy ones like “fuckwad”, “fuck-knuckle” or “twat-stick”. I rather liked “nylon-haired shit stain”.

The following was rather ingenious, too:

For a favourite I have this classic (with audio in the timeline):

Here’s the audio (click the pic.twitter link):

I second those thoughts and want to add that I am looking forward to welcoming Scotland in the EU.

 

Sunday Roast: Happy bins

And now for something completely different.  To me, anyway!

I wouldn’t mind having him paint my bins, but I think I’d rather have him paint my car.  Prolly not classy, but it would be neato.

This is our daily open thread — What do all y’all think?

Sunday Roast: Happy Zooniversary!!

Freddie just owns that whole stadium, doesn’t he?  Absolutely fantastic.  🙂

Anyhoo, I guess TheZoo has been a thing for a little over eight years — which is kinda nuts, actually — but in a good way!

Our Critters and Zoosters “met” about ten years ago on the ThinkProgress blog, when it was just a wee little thing with barely any comments.  Awwww, it was so cute.  Damn, look at it now!!  As good things tend to go on the interwebs, it eventually became overwhelmed with smelly ol’ trolls and several of us decided to just bug out — hence TheZoo!

We used to be a more serious blog, with lots of political posts, cartoons, and massive snark, which was linked on occasion by Crooks & Liars and ThinkProgress itself.  Srsly, cool, right?

These days we’re a comfy little online neighborhood pub, with daily open threads by the Critters containing wisdom, poetry, essays on politics/religion, photos, videos, the occasional bizarre rant (usually by that Zooey nutter), live-blogging political debatey-type things, and a multitude of insightful/snarky/sarcastic/snide/thoughtful/naughty comments by our loyal and well-loved Zoosters.

Thank you so much for hanging out, all y’all, and Happy Eight Years, everyone!

This is our daily open thread — Party on!

Sunday Roast: 4/20…almost

I don’t partake, because I’m a total weenie about inhaling smoke into my lungs, but I thought I’d take note of the day, because of the upcoming legalized recreational use of pot in Oregon.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I kind of remember that if you bought the “Up in Smoke” album, you also received a ginormous Zig Zag paper, so you could roll your own massive joint.  Anyone else remember that?

Here’s a fun fact form the 420 Wiki page:

In Colorado, the Colorado Department of Transportation replaced the frequently stolen Mile Marker 420 sign on I-70 east of Denver with one reading 419.99 in an attempt to stop the thievery.

Hilarious!!

This is our daily open thread — Don’t bogart that joint!  Whatever that means…

Sunday Roast: Music!

It’s been a while since we’ve had a Music Sunday, so here ya go.  No, I’m not being lazy — don’t be silly!  Heh, you guys need to dance off all that Pi you ate yesterday.  😉

I’ve been hearing Uptown Funk on the radio, and it just friggin’ gets me going like no pop princess or brooding guy with a guitar ever could — or will.  They nailed it IMHO.

This is our daily open thread — Enjoy!!

 

The Watering Hole, Wednesday, November 12th, 2014: Hump Day!

oasis_in_the_sahara_desert_wallpaper
I don’t know about anyone else, but I could use a laugh as this week just grinds along. So here’s a few places to start.

First: Luckily, I never go to a Walmart, so I don’t have to fear becoming one of the infamous “People of Walmart.” (I’m much more likely to start a subset, “People of the A&P.”) I found that one can click on any state to see the indigenous Walmart folk. I clicked on New York and found some of my “neighbors” with whom I will never rub elbows, like this one:

Only in NY - well, not really (photo courtesy of peopleofwalmart.com)

Only in NY – well, not really
(photo courtesy of peopleofwalmart.com)

Next: A couple of amusing articles from cracked.com: “Why Every Christian Movie Bombs in a Mostly Christian Nation” is worth checking into, if only for the “Bibleman” poster shown in the article; and this one by Luke McKinney, entitled “6 Tips for Angry Internet Commenters”, had me laughing from the opening line: “IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE CALLING SOMEONE HITLER ON THE INTERNET! Would you like some help with that?” BTW, the “6 Tips” are given by a Caps Lock key.

Third: I didn’t go through all of them, but “The 40 Funniest “This is Not Going to End Well” Photos of All Time” seems promising. This one certainly grabbed my attention:

"This is Not Going to End Well, #5"

“This is Not Going to End Well, #5”

Let’s wrap up with some ‘awww’s: While they may not be the absolute “Top 20 Cutest Puppies Ever”, they’re puppies, so they can’t help but be cute.

This is our daily open thread – have some laughs, and/or talk about whatever…

The Watering Hole, Monday, January 13th, 2014: Just for Fun

I thought I’d start the week off with some just-plain-silly stuff. It started when, on a couple of totally unrelated threads at Think Progress recently, mention was made of the New York Daily News newspaper. One commenter, in response to another who was using the NYDN as a source for some ‘evidence’, said “The NY Daily News is probably the closest thing to a rag sheet that is published on a daily basis in NYC.” So I says to myself, “hmmm, wonder where Weekly World News is published?”

Well, according to Wikipedia, WWN is no longer published:

“The Weekly World News was a largely fictional news tabloid published in the United States from 1979 to 2007, renowned for its outlandish cover stories often based on supernatural or paranormal themes and an approach to news that verged on the satirical. Its characteristic black-and-white covers have become pop-culture images widely used in the arts. It continues to exist as a website.”

I abandoned my search for lesser rags published in New York City (WWN had been published in Florida, anyway–why am I not surprised? Sorry, Florida!) and headed straight for the WWN website. A couple of “articles” from Friday included a few with sideways pokes at New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (and had nothing to do with the GWB!):

First, did you know that the “God particle” was discovered in New Jersey?

“…Physicists have been trying to find the “God particle” (the Higgs boson) for over forty years, so it’s no real surprise that they finally did it. But what IS a surprise is it was found it in an abandoned bank depository in Camden, New Jersey. And it was found by singer-actress, Taylor Momsen…”

““Of course the universe began in New Jersey,” said Governor Chris Christie. “Everyone who lives here has known it all their lives. That’s why so many want to live here. They may not know it, but they are drawn to the universal source. It’s official now – New Jersey is the center of the universe.”

I’m sorry, but you’ll just have to read the rest for yourselves.

This one, titled “Hugging Banned in New Jersey” pokes fun at New Jersey, RWNJs, and Christie:

“We are a no hugging state,” Governor Chris Christie reportedly told reporters yesterday. “If we catch anyone hugging it will be a $100 fine for the first offense, $250 or the second offense and $1,000 for the third. After that, it’s jail.”

“…Christie got the idea from Matawan school district that decided that middle school children shouldn’t hug each other. “It’s not normal or natural,” said school superintendent John Jacobus. “If kids hug, then the next thing you know there having babies and we can’t have that happen in our school.”

“…Governor Chris Christie isn’t budging and it’s not because he “can’t” budge, he just doesn’t want to go back on his decision. “Hey, that’s the new law, get used to it.”

If you wish (proceed at your own risk), you can also check out the “World’s Biggest Butt”, read up on “The Moonshine Diet” (“You can flush out fat fast without pesky dieting or exercise, on the flabulous new Moonshine Diet!), or find out why the “End of the World [was] Postponed.”

Bat Boy, of course, is probably the most famous character(?) from WWN.

"Bat Boy" (photo courtesy of wikipedia/Weekly World News)

“Bat Boy” (photo courtesy of wikipedia/Weekly World News)

They even put together a Bat Boy “ancestral tree” – from wiki:

“According to the Weekly World News, the discovery of Bat Boy’s family tree on a genealogy chart recently stunned evolutionary scientists who used to think the famed imp was a pitiful, one-of-a-kind mutant – but now believe he belongs to a race of creatures who have interacted with humans for at least 400 years. In the tabloid’s account, the chart itself was written on vellum and found in the same Ozark Mountains cave where Dr. Ron Dillon, a biologist, rescued Bat Boy after he was trapped by a falling rock in 1992 (it should be noted, however, that the Ozark Mountains are nowhere near West Virginia). Carbon dating revealed the chart to be over a hundred years old.”

One Bat Boy “article” from April of 2013 teases with “BAT BOY UNCOVERED…Mitch McConnell discovered Bat Boy at a convenience store in Wisconsin.” However, most of the article references a “Mitch O’Connell, not the mutant-but-not-in-the-same-species-as-Bat-Boy Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell (R-Turtle/Human Hybrid.) It has not yet been determined whether Bat Boy and Governor Rick Scott (?-FL) share the same DNA; Governor Scott is known to have refused to provide a urine sample for testing.

Hard to tell 'em apart, huh? (photo courtesy of totallylookslike.com)

Hard to tell ’em apart, huh?
(photo courtesy of totallylookslike.com)

For a few more laughs, check out this Bat Boy photoshop contest at freakingnews.com. And on the WWN website, the brief video montage of “Bat Boy: Going Mutant” “Breaking News” posted by Frank Lake in June of 2013 is fun, too.

This is our daily open thread–try to have a good laugh today!

Watering Hole: December 31, 2013 – I Wish You Enough

This will be my last regular, Tuesday, Open Thread post.  I will still be lurking and I may, on occasion, create a post independent of the Open Thread.  It’s been my pleasure to virtually meet you.

Here’s a little something for the new year.

I WISH YOU ENOUGH Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter’s departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said:”I love you and I wish you enough.”The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.” They kissed and the daughter left.The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?” “Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?””I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said.When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, “I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?” She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. “When we said ‘I wish you enough’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”. Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,”I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.”She then began to cry and walked away.They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.

This is our Open Thread.  I wish you enough. Now it’s your turn to Speak Up!

The Watering Hole, Thursday, November 15, 2012: So…very…tired

For my always-sleepy friend Joe…

I don’t know about you all, but I’m still exhausted after these last, what, 18 months? of minute-by-minute Presidential election coverage. I just need a little rest, just doze for a bit, before beginning the fight against the next inevitable round of lies and political attacks. Just a little snooze, a bit of shut-eye, a brief cat-nap, or baby bear nap…zzzzzzZZZZZ…

This is our Open Thread – can someone set the alarm for me?