Wednesday, March 13, 2019: HUMP DAY

BREAKING GNUS: TRUMP TO DECLARE NATIONAL EMERGENCY TO RESTRICT FLOW OF MELANIN TO THE UNITED STATES.

Unnamed sources within the Deep State released a bombshell that has thus far gone unnoticed by the mainstream media. Trump intends to declare a national emergency and impose severe restrictions on the flow of melanin into the United States.

“The United States is being overrun by melanin.” Trump is supposed to have declared behind closed doors. “Our current laws are inadequate to keep melanin from crossing our borders. People who bring in melanin also bring in violence, disease, and disorder. They are trying to destroy the very fabric of the American People.” Trump posted, in a now-deleted tweet.

Orders under Trump’s Melanin Emergency include barring entry at the border to individuals with excess melanin. However, this won’t apply to people with commercially enhanced melanin. Trump’s executive order will, however, impose a tax on tanning salons, lotions & creams. “The only way to regulate melanin is to tax it.” Trump is reportedly have to had said. “By taxing melanin, we can make sure only the right people have access to it.”

Trump’s emergency declaration and executive orders are planned to be the springboard for his re-election bid to “Make America White Again.”