Sunday Roast: Veruca Salt Award-Jennifer Rubin

Washington Post Blogger Jennifer Rubin has earned herself the Veruca Salt Award. She is notoriously unable to deal with facts she hasn’t invented herself. So small wonder when someone contradicts her introducing such facts she channels Veruca Salt and asks for the person to be muted.

Congratulations Mrs Rubin, this is not really the Pulitzer, but as close to an award on your “journalistic” work you’ll ever get.

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Veruca Salt Award — Henry M. Paulson Jr

It’s been a while since I awarded the Veruca Salt Award.  Not because there hasn’t been anyone deserving the Award — we’ll never be that good — but because I’m so jaded nothing has really taken my breath away like it used to.  Laziness is in there too, one of the top five reasons for sure.

Here’s a re-cap of what the Veruca Salt Award is about:

Veruca Salt

Veruca Salt

The Veruca Salt Award is named in honor of the character from the film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Veruca is a spoiled rotten child, whose parents treat her like a princess, who thinks she can take whatever she wants whenever she wants it, and her wants and desires rise above all else. She embodies the Deadly Sin of Greed, with touches of Envy and Wrath. A thoroughly unpleasant character, naturally she ends up in the garbage chute.

Who is Henry M. Paulson Jr, and why has he been chosen for this prestigious award?  I’m glad you asked.

Mr Paulson is the current Secretary of the Treasury under George W. Bush, and

Henry M. Paulson, Jr

Henry M. Paulson, Jr

really, if you don’t know who he is, you’re seriously not paying attention.  Paulson comes from a nice family in Illinois, Eagle Scout, English major at Dartmouth, MBA from Harvard Business School (slightly tarnished), Staff Assistant to the Assistant Secretary of Defense under Nixon, assistant to John Erlichman (uh oh), former CEO of Goldman Sachs, husband, father, grandfather, and bird-watcher.

Soooo, if you’ve been living in a cave in the mountains of Idaho, and only had basic cable, you might not have heard about a certain crisis in our financial institutions, which are in need of a monstrous bailout — to the tune of $700 billion — yes, BILLION.

Mr Paulson put together a legislative proposal to allow the Treasury to purchase all those worthless mortgages, and bailout the financial institutions who have been on a drunken speculation joyride for years, and finally had two wheels hanging over the edge of Depression Cliff.

Here’s the breath-taking, award-winning section:

Sec. 8. Review.

Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.

Wow.

I mean, just how big are Mr Paulson’s balls anyway?  Got a wheelbarrow…?

Paulson sez:  Give me $700 BILLION of your tax dollars, and I’ll fix everything.  Trust me. Really, would I lie to you?

Mr Hubris Paulson, here’s your prize.

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Veruca Salt Award — Hillary Clinton!

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The first ever Veruca Salt Award given by TheZoo, after much deliberation by the committee, has been awarded to Hillary Rodham Clinton. Actually, we couldn’t think of anyone more deserving…Veruca Salt

The Veruca Salt Award is named in honor of the character from the film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Veruca is a spoiled rotten child, who’s parents treat her like a princess, who thinks she can take whatever she wants whenever she wants it, and her wants and desires rise above all else. She embodies the Deadly Sin of Greed, with touches of Envy and Wrath. A thoroughly unpleasant character, naturally she ends up in the garbage chute.

The awards committee has had their eye on Hillary Clinton for some time now, but this story written by Willyloman, on his blog the American Everyman, finally tipped the scales in her favor.

Hillary’s response to Barack Obama’s speech on race in America was typically snide and condescending:

“That’s the difference between me and my opponent. My opponent makes speeches. I offer solutions. It is one thing to get people excited. I want to empower you,”

“Now, over the years, you’ve heard plenty of promises from plenty of people in plenty of speeches. And some of those speeches were probably pretty good. But speeches don’t put food on the table. Speeches don’t fill up your tank, or fill your prescription, or do anything about that stack of bills that keeps you up at night,” Reuters

Willyloman took note of Hillary’s words, and posted these astonishing numbers from her recently released tax returns.

CUMULATIVE TOTAL(GROSS) INCOME: $109,175,175

Including, among other items:

  • Senator Clinton’s Senate Salary: $1,051,606
  • President Clinton’s Presidential Pension: $1,217,250
  • Senator Clinton’s Book Income: $10,457,083
  • President Clinton’s Book Income: $29,580,525
  • President Clinton’s Speech Income: $51,855,599

52 million dollars puts a lot of food on the table for most Americans.

Well stated, Willyloman. What about that stack of bills…?

And since they are given free universal health-care, on our dime, she isn’t spending any nights up worrying about those bills either. Can’t say the same for her campaign staff though.

That’s right, the Clinton campaign failed to pay the health insurance bills for her staff. Maybe they should make speeches…?

Even this isn’t enough to qualify Ms Clinton for an award as prestigious as the Veruca Salt Award, you say? Well, here are a few things that pushed our winner to the top of the heap:

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