Recent ‘Toon Gnuz from Paul Jamiol

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Our good friend and honorary Critter Paul Jamiol has been busy lately: illustrating a children’s book; working on a new collection of his excellent editorial cartoons to come out in early 2020; plus, most days, putting out new, grimly accurate observations on these terrible times.  (All images are copyrighted by Paul Jamiol.)

jamiol banger the sausage dog book cover

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That’s just a sampling.  For more, and to see how talented Paul’s wife, Lin, is with her green thumb [and who knew that Paul is an amazing photographer!], visit Jamiol’s World.

Paul has been chronicling political/current events since September 2000.  His encouragement and kindness to us Critters when we left ThinkProgress to start TheZoo, as well as our longstanding friendship, will always be appreciated – hell, I still LOVE our personalized header ‘toon.  I know that we here at TheZoo became pretty burnt out trying to do our part – it’s so damned hard to keep covering this shitshow, when day after day, even hour after hour, horrors upon horrors unfold.  Thank you, Paul, for your dedication to illustrating  what could well become America’s downfall.  It’s a grim task, and I don’t envy you.  Please carry on for as long as you can stand it, and we’ll try to keep up.

 

Open Thread – Come and get it!

Old Gnuz: Look Back in Irony

While clearing out an old magazine rack, we ran across – surprise! an old magazine!  (Seriously, we almost never buy any magazines.)  Actually, it was the ‘People Magazine’s 2006 Sexiest Man Alive’ issue, with George Clooney on the cover – which may explain why we happened to have that particular issue.

But don’t worry, this isn’t going to be about sexy men.

Nope – it’s about Donald Trump, Jr., and the “Scoop” in that People issue: 

“Another Trump on the Way”

“The Donald may soon be known as The Gramps.  Donald Trump, Jr. and his wife of one year, Vanessa, have confirmed to Scoop that their first child – the mogul’s first grandchild – is due early next summer.  “Everyone’s very excited,” says Vanessa, 28. Although “if you mention the ‘grandpa’ word [to Donald Sr.], he might not be so excited.”

Complicating the family dynamics:  The new baby’s uncle Barron (son of the elder Trump and his wife Melania) is just 8 months old.  “They’ll be more like brothers, or brother and sister,” says Vanessa, who wants her baby’s sex to be a surprise.

What kind of father will Donald Jr., a Trump Organization executive VP, be?   A lot like his own dad.  “Trumps don’t do diapers,” says Don, 28.  But he does vow to be more hands-on – think playing catch – with his own kids.  “She [wants] five,”  Don says. I’ll wait till [sic/mine] she cranks out one, and then I want to renegotiate that back a bit.”  Spoken like a Trump.”

Looks like he’s had to renegotiate more than just the number of kids his wife “cranks out” – now it’s more like the number of kids he gets to see.    “Spoken like a trump,” indeed.

Open thread – what’s on your mind?

Pregnancies lasting longer as babies refuse to leave the womb

The average length of a pregnancy in the United States has seen a marked increase in the last two years, up from 40 weeks to 42 1/2 weeks. Health officials are at a loss to explain the trend, but Heimlich Schachzug, a heretofore unknown child psychologist, has developed a novel theory.

“Zees people are afraid to leaf der vomb” Dr. Schachzug stated in a recent lecture at the U.S. Conference of Ob/Gyns. “Unt zay haf every reason to be afraid.” The child psychologist went on to explain his theory. People, and unborn people are people, know that as long as they are in the womb, the current Administration will care for them and protect them. But once they are out, they are on their own. Lack of healthcare and “food insecurity” are the two most prevalent reasons people give for refusing to leave the womb.

The trend to remain in the womb is growing at an alarming rate. Dr. Schachzug predicts that by the end of Trump’s first term in office, average gestation times will approach 50 weeks. Other countries, however, do not seem to be experiencing this phenomena.

Preliminary findings in a cross-sectional study suggest a high correlation between pregnant women who watch Fox News and increased gestational times. “Apparently,” Dr. Schachzug concluded, “Fox News scares the sheisse out of zeese people. It is no vunder zay refuse to leaf der vomb.”

So Happy It’s Thursday

Breaking Gnus:

Trump went on a now-deleted Twitter rampage after learning the newest Royal Baby wasn’t named after him.

He tweeted an executive order decreeing that “From now on, all boys born in this GREAT CONTRY will be named Donald. Like me. Its a GREAT name.Girls can be named Donna, after me, but it wnt be as great bc their grlz.”

Hump Day, 4/24/2019 edition

Breaking Gnus:

Mexico detains Americans at border crossings and other points of entry – separates children from parents.

Citing a massive influx Americans fleeing the U.S. the Mexican government instituted a policy similar to that of the United States. American citizens, claiming they are “tourists” are being detained at the border and housed in tent cities. Their children are separated from their parents and kept in “tender care” campos. Thus far there are no plans to keep track of which children are taken from which parents.

The Mexican government has issued assurances that they will give the same standard of care to these border crossers that the United States has given to individuals and families crossing from Mexico into the United States.

Young adults flying into ports of entry claiming they are on “Spring Break” are housed in youth lock-down facilities until their status can be ascertained, which could, according to government officials, take several months. “These young Americans bring in a tremendous amount of lawlessness, ranging from public drunkenness to debauchery. This must be stopped before they corrupt the youth of Mexico.” an unnamed public official said, off the record.

Trump responded in a late night tweet, threatening to increase tariffs on tourism to Mexico and institute a special duty on imports of Mexican covfefe.

Mundane Munday Gnuz

Another Mundane Monday, and here’s what’s passing for Gnuz these daze.

Trump to trade Places with Kim Jun Un
H/T href=”gotchabigtime.fakegnuz”> The Dirty Rotten Scounderels
In shocking gnuz today, Trump and Kim traded places.
Trump was seen smirking now that he’s Diktator for Life in North Korea.
Kim was seen packing suitcases full of condoms in anticipation of being like his pal Donnie, but with hot American porn stars

And,
North Korea declares war on US, starting with an embargo of all American Television and News shows
H/T href=”really?.com”>
North Korea, its new leader not realizing they were still at war with the US, declared it again. They are banning all importation of American Television, especially the News.
DonneKimChee will have only one station, all DonnieKimChee, all the time.

Finally,
And, in other breaking Gnuz, Russia annexed North Korea, deposing the new leader and appointing him Mayor of Outer Siberia.
H/T href=”Whatdayisittoday.gotcha”> aka TASS

Open Thread, pick it up and run with it!

RUCerious @TPZoo

Wednesday, 3/27/19: HUMP DAY

BREAKING GNUS:

OBAMACARE TO BE REPLACED BY “THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.”

As the case of Obamacare winds its way through the federal courts, the Trump Justice Department has raised a new argument in its bid to have Obama’s signature healthcare declared unconstitutional. Trump’s DOJ argues that the entire healthcare law, now stripped of its “individual mandate” should be declared unconstitutional because it infringes on peoples’ deeply held religious beliefs.

Health care, they argue, is a secular system and relies upon faith in man’s knowledge instead of God’s love. Stripping millions of people from the secular health care system will force them to turn to God for healing. This, in turn, is keeping with the founding father’s intent that ours is a Christian Nation.

Vice President Pence is said to be closely monitoring this case as it goes before the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals. The case, Texas v. Azar, is expected to go to the Supreme Court where Justice Kavanaugh is expected to be the one writing the majority opinion upholding the lower court’s ruling that all of Obamacare is unconstitutional and replacing Obamacare with “Thoughts and Prayer Care.”