Old Gnuz: Look Back in Irony

While clearing out an old magazine rack, we ran across – surprise! an old magazine!  (Seriously, we almost never buy any magazines.)  Actually, it was the ‘People Magazine’s 2006 Sexiest Man Alive’ issue, with George Clooney on the cover – which may explain why we happened to have that particular issue.

But don’t worry, this isn’t going to be about sexy men.

Nope – it’s about Donald Trump, Jr., and the “Scoop” in that People issue: 

“Another Trump on the Way”

“The Donald may soon be known as The Gramps.  Donald Trump, Jr. and his wife of one year, Vanessa, have confirmed to Scoop that their first child – the mogul’s first grandchild – is due early next summer.  “Everyone’s very excited,” says Vanessa, 28. Although “if you mention the ‘grandpa’ word [to Donald Sr.], he might not be so excited.”

Complicating the family dynamics:  The new baby’s uncle Barron (son of the elder Trump and his wife Melania) is just 8 months old.  “They’ll be more like brothers, or brother and sister,” says Vanessa, who wants her baby’s sex to be a surprise.

What kind of father will Donald Jr., a Trump Organization executive VP, be?   A lot like his own dad.  “Trumps don’t do diapers,” says Don, 28.  But he does vow to be more hands-on – think playing catch – with his own kids.  “She [wants] five,”  Don says. I’ll wait till [sic/mine] she cranks out one, and then I want to renegotiate that back a bit.”  Spoken like a Trump.”

Looks like he’s had to renegotiate more than just the number of kids his wife “cranks out” – now it’s more like the number of kids he gets to see.    “Spoken like a trump,” indeed.

Open thread – what’s on your mind?

Pregnancies lasting longer as babies refuse to leave the womb

The average length of a pregnancy in the United States has seen a marked increase in the last two years, up from 40 weeks to 42 1/2 weeks. Health officials are at a loss to explain the trend, but Heimlich Schachzug, a heretofore unknown child psychologist, has developed a novel theory.

“Zees people are afraid to leaf der vomb” Dr. Schachzug stated in a recent lecture at the U.S. Conference of Ob/Gyns. “Unt zay haf every reason to be afraid.” The child psychologist went on to explain his theory. People, and unborn people are people, know that as long as they are in the womb, the current Administration will care for them and protect them. But once they are out, they are on their own. Lack of healthcare and “food insecurity” are the two most prevalent reasons people give for refusing to leave the womb.

The trend to remain in the womb is growing at an alarming rate. Dr. Schachzug predicts that by the end of Trump’s first term in office, average gestation times will approach 50 weeks. Other countries, however, do not seem to be experiencing this phenomena.

Preliminary findings in a cross-sectional study suggest a high correlation between pregnant women who watch Fox News and increased gestational times. “Apparently,” Dr. Schachzug concluded, “Fox News scares the sheisse out of zeese people. It is no vunder zay refuse to leaf der vomb.”

So Happy It’s Thursday

Breaking Gnus:

Trump went on a now-deleted Twitter rampage after learning the newest Royal Baby wasn’t named after him.

He tweeted an executive order decreeing that “From now on, all boys born in this GREAT CONTRY will be named Donald. Like me. Its a GREAT name.Girls can be named Donna, after me, but it wnt be as great bc their grlz.”

Hump Day, 4/24/2019 edition

Breaking Gnus:

Mexico detains Americans at border crossings and other points of entry – separates children from parents.

Citing a massive influx Americans fleeing the U.S. the Mexican government instituted a policy similar to that of the United States. American citizens, claiming they are “tourists” are being detained at the border and housed in tent cities. Their children are separated from their parents and kept in “tender care” campos. Thus far there are no plans to keep track of which children are taken from which parents.

The Mexican government has issued assurances that they will give the same standard of care to these border crossers that the United States has given to individuals and families crossing from Mexico into the United States.

Young adults flying into ports of entry claiming they are on “Spring Break” are housed in youth lock-down facilities until their status can be ascertained, which could, according to government officials, take several months. “These young Americans bring in a tremendous amount of lawlessness, ranging from public drunkenness to debauchery. This must be stopped before they corrupt the youth of Mexico.” an unnamed public official said, off the record.

Trump responded in a late night tweet, threatening to increase tariffs on tourism to Mexico and institute a special duty on imports of Mexican covfefe.

Mundane Munday Gnuz

Another Mundane Monday, and here’s what’s passing for Gnuz these daze.

Trump to trade Places with Kim Jun Un
H/T href=”gotchabigtime.fakegnuz”> The Dirty Rotten Scounderels
In shocking gnuz today, Trump and Kim traded places.
Trump was seen smirking now that he’s Diktator for Life in North Korea.
Kim was seen packing suitcases full of condoms in anticipation of being like his pal Donnie, but with hot American porn stars

And,
North Korea declares war on US, starting with an embargo of all American Television and News shows
H/T href=”really?.com”>
North Korea, its new leader not realizing they were still at war with the US, declared it again. They are banning all importation of American Television, especially the News.
DonneKimChee will have only one station, all DonnieKimChee, all the time.

Finally,
And, in other breaking Gnuz, Russia annexed North Korea, deposing the new leader and appointing him Mayor of Outer Siberia.
H/T href=”Whatdayisittoday.gotcha”> aka TASS

Open Thread, pick it up and run with it!

RUCerious @TPZoo

Wednesday, 3/27/19: HUMP DAY

BREAKING GNUS:

OBAMACARE TO BE REPLACED BY “THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.”

As the case of Obamacare winds its way through the federal courts, the Trump Justice Department has raised a new argument in its bid to have Obama’s signature healthcare declared unconstitutional. Trump’s DOJ argues that the entire healthcare law, now stripped of its “individual mandate” should be declared unconstitutional because it infringes on peoples’ deeply held religious beliefs.

Health care, they argue, is a secular system and relies upon faith in man’s knowledge instead of God’s love. Stripping millions of people from the secular health care system will force them to turn to God for healing. This, in turn, is keeping with the founding father’s intent that ours is a Christian Nation.

Vice President Pence is said to be closely monitoring this case as it goes before the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals. The case, Texas v. Azar, is expected to go to the Supreme Court where Justice Kavanaugh is expected to be the one writing the majority opinion upholding the lower court’s ruling that all of Obamacare is unconstitutional and replacing Obamacare with “Thoughts and Prayer Care.”

Marching into Fascist Madness

I’m not ready to discuss A.G. Barr’s “summary” of the Mueller Report, which came out as I was starting this. I didn’t bother watching most of the press coverage, I was too disappointed. Besides, I’d rather wait to see if Jerry “Nads” Nadler, Adam Schiff, etal, can come up with something to cheer me.

In the meantime, I had already run across this survey, which I decided on a whim (of a hat?) to take a look at. I’m glad I did, but when I started reading the questions, I was disturbed – to say the least.

We all know that trump would love to change the libel laws so that he (and his cohorts) can sue a reporter, a newspaper, a network, whoever, over any criticism of trump or his administration.  And of course we all know that trump has been in a verbal war with every news agency except Fox, aka “trumpTV”, although he has lately begun to call out certain Fox reporters who are not lobbing softball questions.

And lastly, we all also know that trump LOVES dictators, and is just dying to emulate them.  So far trump has mainly stuck to his well-documented verbal and Twitter war with journalism and journalists, despite the fact that trump’s stochastic terrorism has already spurred trumpists to violent actions and plots. However, the even stronger stench of fascism in this survey leads me to conclude that the next battle will be much scarier and, eventually, even more violent.  It also seems certain that trump will do whatever he can to try to subvert the First Amendment in order to jail journalists whose questions piss him off for any reason.  The survey also panders to single-issue voters, i.e., anti-choice/”religious-freedom” and/or 2-A voters.

If you don’t want to take the survey or go to the link, below is a description plus the questions.

The survey was titled (in a big red box):

“MAINSTREAM MEDIA ACCOUNTABILITY SURVEY”, above which it states

“Certified Website Of President Donald J. Trump”

The response choices to almost all of the following questions are YES, NO, or NO OPINION:

Do you believe that the mainstream media actually cares about working Americans?

Do you believe that the mainstream media has unfairly reported on our presidency?

Do you trust MSNBC to fairly report on our presidency?

Do you trust CNN to fairly report on our presidency?

Do you trust Fox News to fairly report on our presidency?

On which issues does the mainstream media do the worst job of representing Republicans? (Select as many that apply.)
-Immigration
-Economics
-Pro-life values
-Religion
-Individual liberty
-Conservatism
-Foreign policy
-Second Amendment rights

Which television source do you primarily get your news from?
-Fox News
-CNN
-MSNBC
-Local news

Do you use a source not listed above?  [I added BBC News, just for fun – although I was also tempted to add Al Jazeera]

Do you trust the mainstream media to tell the truth about the Republican Party’s positions and actions?

Do you believe that the mainstream media does not do their due diligence fact-checking before publishing stories on the Trump administration?

Do you believe that the media unfairly reported on Trump’s executive order temporarily restricting people entering our country from nations compromised by radical Islamic terrorism?

Were you aware that a poll was released revealing that a majority of Americans actually supported our temporary restriction executive order?

Do you believe that the media is engaging in a witch hunt to take down President Trump?

Do you believe that people of faith have been unfairly characterized by the media?

Do you believe that the media wrongly attributes gun violence to Second Amendment rights?

Do you believe that the media has been far too quick to spread false stories about our movement?

Do you believe that the media has turned a blind eye to Planned Parenthood’s worst actions?

Do you believe that the media uses slurs rather than facts to attack conservative stances on issues like border control, religious liberties, and ObamaCare?

Do you believe that the media purposely tries to pit Republicans against each other in order to help elect Democrats?

Do you believe that the mainstream media has been too eager to jump to conclusions about rumored stories?

Do you believe that if Republicans were obstructing Obama like Democrats are doing to Trump, the mainstream media would attack Republicans?

Do you agree with the President’s decision to break with tradition by giving lesser known reporters and bloggers the chance to ask the Press Secretary questions?

Do you agree with President Trump’s media strategy to cut through the media’s noise and deliver our message straight to the people?

Do you believe that our Party should spend more time and resources holding the mainstream media accountable?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let me repeat that last one:

Do you believe that our Party should spend more time and resources holding the mainstream media accountable?

Um, in what way, trump?

This is more than just shouting “FAKE NEWS!”, or even “THE PRESS IS THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!” This is painting “the media” as the enemy of everything trump’s cult holds dear, the enemy of the trumpian “reality” that trumpists are so desperately trying to force on the rest of us, despite the evidence before everyone’s “lying” eyes. It is an attack on one of the most sacred foundations of our democracy and our freedom, and it must be stopped.

OPEN THREAD – Chime in!